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Sudden stammer in a 4 year old. Help me not strangle him PLEASE

(36 Posts)
quietlysuggests Sun 16-Feb-14 17:42:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ifcatshadthumbs Sun 16-Feb-14 17:51:05

It''s not uncommon for children to develop a stutter around age 3 1/2 ish, particularly boys. Please don't feel cross with him it's not his fault. I would suggest seeing a speech therapist.

Ifcatshadthumbs Sun 16-Feb-14 17:52:43

I think sitting him down and telling him not to do it will just stress him out and make it worse.

Ds developed a facial tic for a while. We never drew attention to it and it just went away eventually.

oin Sun 16-Feb-14 17:54:10

He has little control over this, so getting impatient with him would be upsetting for him and likely to make it all worse.
Read this stammering association
I would ask for a SALT referral, as it's been going on for a month. Hopefully it may be a phase, but better to get advice.

Timetoask Sun 16-Feb-14 17:55:33

DS developed a stammer at 5 (it went away, returned two years later, and went away again!). My understanding is that the worse thing you can do is make him aware of it, you need to be very pacient and just wait for him to complete his sentence.
I was about to call a SALT when DS's stammer stopped by itself.

gamerchick Sun 16-Feb-14 17:58:25

He's at the age they'll develop I think. Getting cross won't help and if he's running off upset then you need to address it. It'll be frustrating him just as much as you.

myitchybeaver Sun 16-Feb-14 17:59:04

To be honest after reading your OP I feel so upset about your attitude towards your little boy I'm quite shocked.
Do you have no patience? Your first reaction is one of frustration and anger? You want to shake him?

You want to have a word with yourself, and then start reading up on stammers. As the PP said it is quite common for boys his age to develop them and they usually outgrow them but often need speech therapy.

When my DD developed a speech and language disorder I felt like my heart was breaking for her.

Be kind.

Vintagebeads Sun 16-Feb-14 17:59:27

My DS had this happen at 5 and was sent to ST for her to observe him.

He never had any therapy and she told me to do the following that worked fine.
Not to interupt him,give him my full attention when he was trying to talk,not to tell him to take his time,not to get cross.Just utter patience.
It worked,and took a surprisingly short time for it to vanish.

I think your DH may be right in that he is just trying to get all the words out, and I know it can be stressful when its at a busy time-like when you walk in the door.But give him time and talk to your GP or HV if you think there may be more to it.

Turquoiseblue Sun 16-Feb-14 18:07:04

I agree - you may not mean to but you come across aggressive and cross. Your opening title is 'help me not to strangle him' ffs! He tone of your post in my opinions seem a bit frustrated impatient and busy. Maybe you don't mean to though. I don't want to be harsh.
From my expeeience patience, gentleness, waiting don't finish the words or sentences for him. SALT defiantly helps. Maybe if you can make the time to do something with him or engage him in an activity that improves his confidence. Good luck. Be gentle.

Valdeeves Sun 16-Feb-14 18:38:31

Have you got lots of kids? Busy kob? Feeling overwhelmed? You sound like you do as your tone is harsh. He can't help it if he stammers - he needs patience and kindness. Definately start speech therapy for him and have a think about what's making you this angry.

Valdeeves Sun 16-Feb-14 18:38:43

Busy job!!

Littlefish Sun 16-Feb-14 18:42:03

I was told to refer children in the nursery where I work, once they had been stammering for about 3 months, as up until that point, it can just sort itself out.

I was told not to tell them to take a deep breath. Not to tell them to think about what they want to say before they say it. Not to finish words or sentences for them.

Just be patient, take a deep breath yourself and give him time.

trainersandaches Sun 16-Feb-14 18:50:58

OP you might not have meant it but it sounds quite cruel towards him. If he is stammering, he will already feel embarrassed, frustrated and probably quite annoyed with himself anyway.

Take him to the doctor and get him referred to a SALT.

quietlysuggests Sun 16-Feb-14 19:05:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Timetoask Sun 16-Feb-14 19:10:52

Don't get upset OP, lots of us that have gone through this stammering phase have replied giving advice. You are the one that mentioned strangulation in your title!
You are obviously very tired, my hat off to you! 4 children, pregnant and with a full time job. Wow.

Vintagebeads Sun 16-Feb-14 19:11:41

Ya know what, it was the speech therapist who told me to be patient and who told me to do the exact opposite of what your doing.

Wind your neck in OP.

MothratheMighty Sun 16-Feb-14 19:19:24

Sounds like you have a lot more than you can cope with at the moment, and far more children than yoy can manage,but being an impatient and snappy parent to yoyr 4 year old won't stop him stammering.
I think you need support for yourself, so GP, read up about infant stammering, talk to the poster moondog who is very experienced about this and delegate the care of your son to someone with a fuck of a lot more patience than you for as much as possible. Older child, nursery whatever.
He doesn't need to do it? Do you think it is under his control, that he is stammering intentionally to piss you off?
Poor little sod. Where is his dad in all this?

shadylane Sun 16-Feb-14 19:19:50

My 4 year old is doing the same. I think it's partly the big changes he's going through- he actually has noticeably improved language skills since we increased his hours at nursery, so has more to say, but is often tired/excited/overwhelmed when trying to get the words out. It's upsetting as I can see his frustration and he sometimes says um um um up to twenty times in a sentence. The nursery have said this is common, is partly because he seems naturally introverted but is also talkative. It's a confidence thing. Ask the school if he does it there? Possibly he is picking up on your exhausted vibes, wants more time with you etc-
My son often does it when I'm with my other child and he wants my attention but doesn't actually have anything to say iyswim. Don't worry,
Try and listen to him and ask the school/doctor for advice.

maresedotes Sun 16-Feb-14 19:21:34

DD2 stammered from aged 3 until around 5. The speech therapists all told me to be patient, make eye contact when she's talking, don't finish sentences, don't ask her to repeat words, don't ask lots of questions, slow down when speaking etc. It does require a lot of patience and can be frustrating.

My DD was late speaking so I don't know about stammering suddenly happening. All the SALT people I saw were so helpful but I found it quite hard at times remembering the rules! Paid off though.

Best of luck.

maresedotes Sun 16-Feb-14 19:24:01

To add, she does still stammer occasionally when tired.

Littlefish Sun 16-Feb-14 19:24:41

The child in my nursery with a stammer developed it at a time when there were lots of changes going on in the family - e.g. moving house, new baby about to arrive etc.

Does your child stammer when they are playing with siblings/friends, or only when they are telling you/another adult something?

VelvetGecko Sun 16-Feb-14 19:25:34

It is often a phase. DS developed one aged 3, it lasted about 6 weeks and has never returned.
The advice is not to make a big deal about it. I never referred to it with ds.
I'd give it a few more weeks then go to your GP for a referral if no signs of improvement.
It is frustrating but it's more frustrating for him.

quietlysuggests Sun 16-Feb-14 19:32:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lottapianos Sun 16-Feb-14 19:34:27

I'm a SLT. Yes you need to organise a referral for him. Follow the advice up thread about allowing him extra time to talk, not asking him to stop, slow down, take a deep breath etc. He's not doing this on purpose by the way - it will be even more frustrating for him than for you. Stammering at 4 years old is not that uncommon but doesn't always sort itself out so the advice is to act, not wait and see. If he does need therapy, it is likely to focus more on your (and his Dad's) reaction to his talking rather than focusing on him, if you see what I mean. Feel free to PM me if its useful

Pink01 Sun 16-Feb-14 19:35:29

My DH has a stammer and can still remember speech therapy at 3.5yo, he said it didn't help as it drew attention to it and made him worry more.

I always stay quiet until DH gets to the end of his sentence otherwise it makes him worse but that is an acquired talent smile which has taken practice.

Luckily our two DC have not inherited it and I know I would be incredibly upset if they did and feel very helpless. I think your worry is being expressed as anger/annoyance because you are under a lot of stress. I hope you get it sorted out.

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