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worrying about my 3 yr old, ds any advice welcome plz

(6 Posts)
Peacenquiet2 Tue 11-Feb-14 09:52:50

My ds is just 3 and half and has developed some real seperation anxiety issues.
Ile tell you the background which most likely explains why; first off he started half days at nursery in september which at first seemed to go well but once he realised it was a long term thing he started to not want to go. Hes one of the youngest in the class being an august baby and he already struggles amongst groups of kids as it is due to him having glue ear which affects his hearing and has caused speech problems.

Then second to this im due his baby brother in around four weeks times which will be a big change in his life.
Third to this we are movig house a week before the baby is due so that we have the exta space. Its far from ideal timing but its taken this long to get everything sorted and put into place.

Ive just had to leave my ds at nursery screaming hysterically for me and i feel so guilty but at the same time i dont believe taking him out is the solution as this will mean he doesnt bond with the kids he will move over to shool with in september and also make his clinginess ten times worse.
I can only see things getting worse before they improve and i have to say im dreading the next few months.
If anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice either on ways to make the next few months easier for my ds and the family (we also have a 7yo dd ) i would be very grateful.

BlueBirdy Tue 11-Feb-14 15:32:09

Hi Peace, I've no real life experience but have studied child development and attachment theory comes to mind. A 'transitional object' like a blanket or stuffed toy can help him to self comfort and promote independence. Something he can cuddle with at night and carry around with him could be quite helpful. Other things like having a goodbye ritual but not creating a big fanfare when leaving him (not implying that you do this) and staying calm when he gets upset are good ideas. It is just a phase, but I'm sure you'd appreciate this advice a lot more from someone who has actually been through this. Just thought I'd post anyway, I'm sure others with experience will be by shortly to help you! smile Good luck with everything!

exexpat Tue 11-Feb-14 15:40:35

Have you asked the nursery staff how long he stays upset after you have left him at nursery? A lot of children can be very clingy and upset as long as their parent is there, but calm down quickly and get on with playing once you have gone.

He is obviously going to have a few disruptions to his life over the next few months, and nursery could actually be a stable place for him, so I don't think pulling him out would be a good idea at all.

I think having a chat with nursery staff might be a good starting point: they will have dealt with this kind of thing many times before, and may have some good ideas about how to help him adjust to everything.

smearedinfood Tue 11-Feb-14 15:48:18

It will probably get better once he establishes a group of friends at nursery. It will help so school isn't a total shock to the system.

Forgive yourself, you gotta do what you gotta do...

UriGeller Tue 11-Feb-14 15:53:48

I think he's telling you he doesn't want to be there without you. Can you keep him at home for a bit?

Separation anxiety isn't overcome by forcing him to be separate him from you. He'll get over it better by being close to you, establishing that you're the anchor from which he can explore the wider world, when he's ready to be a little more independent.

smearedinfood Tue 11-Feb-14 15:57:28

I suggest speaking to nursery and asking how long it took for him to settle down. Also is there a key worker appointed to him?

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