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behaviour of my 4 year old - help!

(11 Posts)
tripecity Sat 08-Feb-14 17:20:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheGreatHunt Sat 08-Feb-14 19:13:41

You said she improves when she gets one on one attention. Which would indicate that is your problem - yes you're outnumbered but you need to give some attention to each child. I think it sounds attention seeking. School will also wear her out making it worse.

Maybe try having a story with just her at bedtime (and the others too). Also you take one child and your DH has the other two for a short time. Just spend time listening to each one.

It sounds like the classic middle child tbh!

tripecity Sat 08-Feb-14 20:38:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tripecity Sat 08-Feb-14 20:40:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NaturalBaby Sat 08-Feb-14 20:48:31

She's your middle child? She sounds exactly like my 4yr old who is also a middle child! He does seem very bright and also has some sensory issues - very sensitive to noise, certain textures, fussy eating. His hyperactive behaviour concerned me around 2yrs old but he doesn't tick enough boxes for adhd or anything similar. We're trying to focus on getting to know him and how he works rather than trying to label him.
The thing that seems to be working at the moment is talking about how he feels. He hit his brother because he was feeling angry and a bit scared so we talked about how he felt, I reminded him that it's o.k to have those feelings but it's not his brother's fault.

noblegiraffe Sat 08-Feb-14 20:55:22

Have you spoken to her teacher about her behaviour at school? Perhaps the SENCO could talk to you? If there is a problem, the school can start the assessment procedure.

TheGreatHunt Sat 08-Feb-14 20:56:31

You said that she is better with one on one attention - which made it sound like she didn't get enough.

You're putting so much in her control - wrecking your family - she's only 4 sad I have a 4 year old and wouldn't attribute his behaviour in such a way. My ds needs guidance and help in picking his way through his feelings and how to handle them. So instead of telling her to be good, etc etc be more specific about how to behave. Eg "you feel cross/angry/sad, you should do x/y/z" and repeat ad infinitum.

kickassangel Sat 08-Feb-14 21:01:19

Ok, talk to school to ask them what they think. A teacher sees dozens of new kids each year so will have quite a bit of experience. If the teacher is reassuring, then you may just have to grit your teeth and hang on until more maturity sets in. The teacher may have suggestions for behaviour tactics or possible help, or reassurance that all is fine.

Can you describe an episode in more detail? Is there a gradual build up if tension, or sudden onset? Are certain situations always a problem? Or never! Did she hit development benchmarks around the right time or markedly early /late?

It takes ages to get a diagnosis, so going to a doctor to raise concerns is OK, but if you had comments from a teacher that is more info to go on.

A key part of the diagnosis is whether a child has the same problems in a number if different settings, and school observations are important as part of that.

Goldmandra Sun 09-Feb-14 00:11:07

You said she improves when she gets one on one attention. Which would indicate that is your problem

Not at all. Children with Autism, for example, cope far better with one to one interaction with an adult than they do in groups of with their peers.

A key part of the diagnosis is whether a child has the same problems in a number if different settings, and school observations are important as part of that.

The very important exception to that is that it is extremely common for children, particularly girls, to mask their difficulties in school, appearing to be model students, and then letting out the frustration and exhaustion at home, resulting in uncontrollable meltdowns and very rigid and controlling behaviour.

If her behaviour is really having the enormous impact on your family life that you describe you need to consider approaching your GP for a referral to a developmental paediatrician.

In the meantime read up on Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD and see if you feel they fit her profile. You can't describe a child in enough detail on a MN thread to get a decent answer.

TheGreatHunt Sun 09-Feb-14 07:40:38

I said could.

I'm slightly alarmed at the rush to suggest SN when it could be more simple than that.

But agree - asking here is tricky as we can only see part of the picture.

Goldmandra Sun 09-Feb-14 08:29:59

I said could

No. I copied an pasted your comment. You said would. Look back at what you typed.

I am concerned, and am wondering if she might have a disorder or condition that needs addressing.
I don't even know about special needs or what she might have - ADHD? I don't know, I don't know what to do - any advice?

It was the OP who suggested SN, not me so I don't know what you find so alarming. My response was answering the OP's request for advice hmm

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