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Stranger anxiety

(9 Posts)
Chickz Thu 06-Feb-14 21:53:40

My 4 month old baby has started getting so upset and crying whenever we have visitors - either friends or relatives. She cries and cries even though they don't even hold her.
I take her out to baby classes and other mummy's houses and she is fine there but at home she doesn't seem to like visitors!
At the weekend I tried to break her in gently. Kept her by me and got my friends to say hi and gently play with get but she just cried.
Then I tried to put her in the bouncer to see if they could play with her in that but she cried again.
Is this normal for 4 months old? She only settled once we went out of the room. I did greet purr visitors with a smile when they arrived too so she knew they were friendly. Is there anything else I can do? Any tips?

Goldmandra Thu 06-Feb-14 22:16:35

I would just hold her and suggest that they ignore her.

Maybe she feels threatened by them getting too close and trying to play with her.

Chickz Fri 07-Feb-14 08:26:11

Good tip! Do you have any idea how long this phase lasts for?

Chickz Sat 08-Feb-14 19:43:54

Just bumping this up in case anyone can help?! Xxx

TheGreatHunt Sat 08-Feb-14 19:57:51

This is normal! I remember ds doing this. So I kept him with me. I think it didn't last long?

Goldmandra Sat 08-Feb-14 20:32:45

Sorry Chickz.

I think this phase probably melds into the separation anxiety that kicks in around the end of the first year so you may be stuck with it for a while.

I good thing to remember about young children is that the more you tyr to push them away, the lass secure they feel and the more they cling to you so keep her close and offer lots of reassuring cuddles.

EverythibgisonmyMurtaughlist Sat 08-Feb-14 20:40:08

My dd is the same - hers didn't start as early as 4 months I think was 7/8 months before she decided she didn't like strangers. It's mainly men although sometimes women too if she's overtired. My dd is 29 months now and it is better than when she was a baby. Then she would scream blue murder now she tends to just want me to pick her up so she can hide in my neck if you know what I mean.

Sometimes though she'll be absolutely fine though chatting away to a checkout person about her shoes then a few hours later someone else smiles or tries to talk to her and she's shy again. But it's definitely slowly improving.

Eastie77 Mon 10-Feb-14 14:07:42

My 7 mo is exactly the same so you're not alone! She cries hysterically if anyone else apart from me or DP hold her and used to cry if a stranger or visitor so much as said hello to her. However she has got a lot better in recent weeks and is now often fine when people speak to her and giggles, smiles at strangers etc. She seems to be a lot more at ease around men rather than women! She is also absolutely fine at baby classes but becomes upset when she is at home and people visit.

I would echo the advice of one poster to just hold her and have visitors ignore her for a bit. We went to visit a potential childminder last week and dd sat on my lap for a while I chatted with the minder who didn't really attempt to interact with her. After about 30mins the childminder picked her up - I was convinced she would start crying but she was absolutely fine and there wasn't a peek out of her! She sat happily in the childminder's arms for a good 30-40mins, I was astounded.

On the other hand my sister came to visit the other day. She walked into the house and immediately approached DD, boomed "hello" and tried to pick her up. DD went into meltdown and refused to be held or even sit in her high-chair for the duration of my sister's visit, she screamed every time she tried to hold her. It's tough, especially when she cries when my friends and relatives visit but I keep telling myself that it is a phase and will hopefully end sooner rather than later.

Chickz Mon 10-Feb-14 18:50:38

Good advice! Thank you. We have a long trip planned to see some relatives - some of which dd hasn't met yet. I'm nervous that she won't want to go by them and that it could all get embarrassing.

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