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DD behaviour has turned very bad since xmas.

(6 Posts)
TheUniverseIsInfinite Wed 05-Feb-14 15:56:36

DD is 6. I've spoken to her teacher and she said last term she was good as gold but this term she is getting into trouble every single day. They have a 'tracker' for bad behaviour and every time you go on it you lose 1 minute of 'golden time' on a Friday. Well needless to say she lost all of her 25 minutes of golden time last week and most of it the week before. The consequences (punishments) I give out are: time out, lose TV, lose certain toys, no treats. I always praise for good behaviour but it makes no difference. The other week she lumped a girl in the stomach for no apparent reason. 90% of her warnings and time outs at school have been for no listening and ignoring the teacher's instructions. Everyone is telling me I am too soft on the punishment side of things and while I would never consider physical punishments, I can't even bring myself to shout because it feels like abuse. What else can I do?

May09Bump Wed 05-Feb-14 16:08:26

increase external activities that help concentration / listening - dance / trampolining / swimming. Instruction from other people is great too.

longer reward charts - they have to get every star for a week to get a treat.

Invite children from class home. The more socialization the better.

Physical punishment doesn't work - it makes kids harder.

TheUniverseIsInfinite Thu 06-Feb-14 15:56:42

Thanks I will give those a go

ICantGoOverItICantGoUnderIt Thu 06-Feb-14 19:23:57

You don't mention what her behaviour is like at home? Is it just at school her behaviour has deteriorated?

I'm a teacher and if a child has broken school rules and has seen a consequence for this in school, eg loss of golden time, I would not expect a parent to also punish them at home. I would inform the parents, but explain what consequences had been faced at school. Only if she was persistently hitting others or vandalising would I expect parents to follow up with sanctions at home. I think double punishment would feel very unfair for the child. Also, I would be concerned it would encourage a cycle of poor behaviour, "I've already lost the golden time, mum will be upset, I'll get toys taken away..." anxiety increases and poor behaviour continues.

I would try talking to her instead. Express your disappointment and sadness in words and facial expressions and talk through what should have happened instead (maybe the little girl she hit irritated her = should have walked away/told a teacher). Show that you are really surprised and sad, even if you aren't that shocked! Then say, OK tomorrow will be a better day, you won't do x you'll know to do y instead, this won't happen again. Try to be as positive about future behaviour as you can, it will be helpful to her to believe that you have high standards for behaviour and you naturally expect her to reach them.

I also wonder why the sudden change in behaviour? Has something changed at school or at home that could have unsettled her? Has her teacher tried to get to the bottom of this?

Goldmandra Thu 06-Feb-14 19:34:16

I also wonder why the sudden change in behaviour?

I agree with everything Ican't said but this in particular.

A dramatic change in behaviour doesn't usually happen for no reason. Is she trying to communicate something to you? Is there something about school she is suddenly finding more difficult?

ladyquinoa Thu 06-Feb-14 21:22:08

Can she tell you why she's changed behaviour wise? What's happening for her? Is she getting enough sleep also?

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