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My 4.5 year old doesn't have any friends at school

(5 Posts)
WiltshireMummy2013 Tue 04-Feb-14 16:27:14

He had several playdates last year in our house when he was in the nursery but nothing after that.

Last year we invited 5 friends to play in our house. Mums always said next time you come to our house, let's organize a day soon etc. They have said that so many times but nothing ever happens.
My son hears that conversation and of course gets excited poor thing.

I know other children get invitations for their playdates and birthdays but not my son.

I do wonder if the mums just don't like me?

My son is quiet and he has english as a second language so language vice he's bit behind.
He also is almost year younger than most of the other boys in his class.
He is trying to be friendly with everyone, saying hi and bye to other children.

Yesterday he said he doesn't want to go to school because people are so horrible there. He has been pushed around few times by bigger boys. Teacher is aware of this.

It's just heart breaking to see him so sad. I know I have tried my best. Outside the school I talk to other mummies and they seem friendly. I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong.

I don't always want to be the person to invite children to my house for lunch, playdate etc. That's not how a friendship should go.

sonlypuppyfat Tue 04-Feb-14 16:32:35

My children are much older than yours but this is exactly how it is I have my DD friend round twice a week at least took her out in the summer but my girl never gets invited round and we live in the same street. Its horrible but it's not your fault.

babypup Tue 04-Feb-14 16:50:35

I know how you feel. My little boy does have one 'best friend' which is comforting, but he never gets invited to parties either. Sometimes when things are mentioned in front of me and people realise my son has not been invited it can be a bit awkward! Unfortunately, it seems it's not about the popularity of the kids but of the mums. When you work full-time and can't get involved it can be tricky. Don't take it to heart x

PMTIsMe Tue 04-Feb-14 16:56:29

He is still quite young to have made proper friends I would say. Both my DSs didn't really start to make friends until they were 6 or even 7. Until then I did try the odd invite but nothing came of it, much as you say. Now tho, at 6 and 8, they drive me mad asking all the time if friends can come to tea! It will happen in time.

mummyxtwo Wed 05-Feb-14 11:32:12

Ah bless you, sending you sympathy. My ds1 is 5.5yo now and does have playdates, but we did go through a time last year when our situation was similar to yours. He didn't have any invites over the whole summer holiday, I had to be very proactive to get one boy over to our house! It really hurts, as a mum. I would try to develop a thick skin for now, or pretend to, and be proactive about arranging a playdate. Ask your son who he would like to play with most. Invite him to yours (again) and provide the yummiest chocolate biscuits and treats you can find, and ensure some exciting toys to play with. The mum might not be thrilled about the chocolate, but the boy will want to come again! The mum might be embarrassed that you've asked them over twice and instead invite you to theirs. Make sure to pin her down with a comment like "I can't do next Mon and Tues I'm afraid, but any other day is fine." Then she can confirm a day or agree to get back to you. Alternatively, you could invite two or three boys to a soft play centre after school, and make it a playdate for a few of them. It's stressful when they are younger as you do worry that it is down to your own relationship with the other mums. A few of the mums of children in ds1's class are a bit cliquey and I worried that that would adversely affect ds1's friendships. As they get older it becomes less about you though and more about their own choices, so don't let that be a worry. x

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