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Nursery & socialising vs no nursery

(18 Posts)
Bippidee Mon 03-Feb-14 22:27:33

It's my intention to not return to work. However, I'm concerned that DD may not be able to socialise adequately without attending nursery.

I have a few groups that I go to, and the mums get together outside these groups. Will this be good enough, or should I seriously consider signing her up for a PT nursery place?

Jojay Mon 03-Feb-14 22:31:53

It will be fine, better than fine in fact.

Your dd will have lots of attention from someone who loves her and plenty of opportunity to be around other children. When she turns three she can go yo preschool and that is quite soon enough for her to learn to socialise without you.

Doubletroublemummy2 Mon 03-Feb-14 23:52:15

How old is she, I took mine to lot's of baby and toddler groups, best thing me and for them. We have made lifelong friends through one of these. Started nursery at three. Now they are both very sociable little girls.

Usually the children who benefit most from nursery opportunities are those who don't get appropriate social opportunities provided at home.

Bippidee Mon 03-Feb-14 23:57:36

Thank you both. She is currently almost 5 months, so I know it's very early! Good to know that I am potentially saving £££ by not enrolling her!

PogoBob Tue 04-Feb-14 00:00:55

DD stayed at home with DH who took her to various groups etc but we didn't have many friends with children so she didn't have that much socialization ITSWIM.

She started school nursery last September (2 weeks after her 3rd birthday) and settled brilliantly and now has a gang of 5 friends.

I think being at home suited her personality more.

AnotherStitchInTime Tue 04-Feb-14 00:09:57

She will be fine. My 4.5 year old did not attend pre-school and started Reception in September. Prior to that she had socialised with family, at playgroups and home school groups with me present. The teachers commented on her high level of confidence and communication skills. She is ahead academically too, probably because she had one on one attention from me for early learning experiences. She has made friends easily and has no problems socialising without us present.

MrsCakesPremonition Tue 04-Feb-14 00:11:53

Depending on how busy your local pre-schools are, you might need to think about putting her on a waiting list for your favourite ready for when she gets her 15 hours free a week from 3yo. You might be ready for a little time apart by then, in order to build her independence and gently progress towards being ready for school. Just because you have a place on the waiting list, doesn't mean you have to accept it when the time comes.

But no - you don't need to be putting her in nursery at 5mo.

Goldmandra Tue 04-Feb-14 10:10:27

Children don't need to learn to socialise with their peers. They don't generally interact much with them until after the age of two anyway. They learn best from adults for most of their pre-school years.

The best companion for your little one is you. With you she gets one to one attention and someone who can help her to explore the world on her own terms, following her own interests and hearing the language she needs to develop her understanding. That is priceless and it's the thing that good early years settings are constantly striving to provide but with fewer adults per child and less freedom to be spontaneous.

It is usually helpful for young children to spend the last six months to a year before school in a nursery or pre-school in order to learn the independence skills that will make school easier. It's better to learn them in an early years setting because the adult to child ratio is so much kinder that they are less likely to be left floundering when they can't manage.

Some children thrive in group settings but they'd thrive anywhere that's stimulating. Some children are much better off not having to compete for resources or attention.

Young children need affection and positive attention more than anything else and, unless you're sitting her in front of DVDs 24/7 while you MN, you are the very best person to give her that. Any childcare is second best in comparison to one to one care from a loving, responsive parent, even if it's really good childcare and a close second.

TwittyMcTwitterson Tue 04-Feb-14 10:16:35

Firstly, she'll be fine whichever way you choose so don't worry too much. I do think that's plenty to take her to the groups etc and will socialise her sufficiently. My DD attended nursery full time from 8 month ish. I would say she was exactly the same socially as my friends child who had SAHM and rarely went to groups until recently. She was at a CM from jul-jan and in that time built a very special bond with the other girls there. It was lovely but won't necessarily set her up any better for school etc as children can be fickle.

mrscog Tue 04-Feb-14 12:12:57

I work FT and DS has been in nursery since 1. He is now nearly 2. For me the benefit of nursery isn't 'socialisation' it's that he's well cared for, safe and appropriately interacted with by adults while me and DH work, socialisation with other children really isn't on my list of 'pros' for him going to nursery nearly full time. smile

MiaowTheCat Tue 04-Feb-14 12:37:48

To be honest - I used to teach reception and could never really tell the kids who'd been going to do sessions in nurseries from an early age (as opposed to the usual going at age 3ish when the 15 hours kicked in). If it suits you then go for it, if not then don't (for what it's worth - I'm going down the not route myself - we get out and about enough, they get loads of interaction and stimulation and seem happy enough).

TwittyMcTwitterson Tue 04-Feb-14 14:19:50

I've been told the opposite by people with regards to before the pre school environment. That those who did have CM/nursery visits are more outgoing and confident in the settings. They still have to get used to it at some point tho so it's whenever you feel ready to do it! Socialisation was one of my 'pros' for nursery. I couldn't tell you for certain how much of a difference it has made at this point tho. (2.5yrs)

Goldmandra Tue 04-Feb-14 16:10:02

more outgoing and confident in the settings

I have noticed some attributes that are more common in children in my childminding setting who have been in nurseries from an early age but I wouldn't necessarily call them positives.

I certainly haven't noticed them being more able to interact more appropriately with their peers.

MillyMollyMama Tue 04-Feb-14 16:34:43

There is absolutely nothing wrong with Mother and toddler groups followed up by nursery or pre school at 3. I would however strongly support pre school for at least a year before Reception because I think being around other children is valuable at that age. Staying at home with Mum is a bit limiting by then as there are varied experiences in the pre school which are valuable. Taking part in group activities for a start! Use a nursery earlier if you need some time off. I did. They enjoyed it and I enjoyed shopping without them!

TwittyMcTwitterson Tue 04-Feb-14 17:36:16

Goldmandra, I think I agree. I always think my daughter is very good socially but when I compare against children that have SAHM there really isn't much difference apart from her backing down when someone snatches a toy from her rather than fighting for it. Could be good, could be bad

MrsDeVere Tue 04-Feb-14 17:45:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goldmandra Tue 04-Feb-14 17:54:26

Its very helpful for some of the children I work with due to their specific circumstances.

Yes. It is very clear that children from particular sorts of home environments can benefit greatly from high quality childcare and this benefit endures in adulthood.

Vijac Tue 04-Feb-14 20:37:25

As long as you socialise with other children regularly I.e. weekly or more, I think that is great. Nursery is not an ideal 'socialising' place IMO. In your situation I would only use it if you needed time off. I use it because I have too. I do think that once they near school age it comes into it's own though, as it helps get them ready for the structure and by 3/4 they benefit from the friends they make.

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