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6.5 yr old scared to poo on the toilet...

(5 Posts)
Chuckymuffin Tue 28-Jan-14 07:13:53

.... up until about 8 weeks ago, DS has always pooed in nappy pants. He potty trained (wee) at just 2 years old and I think the pooing issue came about because he always insisted on standing up, therefore the opportunity never really arose. It's never really been an issue, he's just done it after bath every evening and if we were out he would just wait until we got home (as he got older, I always refused to carry a nappy and wipes with me wherever we went!), and even though my OH (we are divorced) hated having to change a dirty nappy (more a proud thing, I think) it never bothered me as I just thought he'd get out of it when he was ready. Obviously, sitting on the toilet to do a poo was always encouraged, and DS would happily sit on the toilet but just couldn't connect that with doing a poo. Bribery with Lego Star wars had no effect. That's how bad this phobia of pooing on the toilet was!!
Anyway, about 8 weeks ago, I don't really know how it came about, but DS one evening, just went and did a poo on the toilet. He insisted we get rid of nappy pants stating he wasn't going to use them again and fair play, he hasn't asked for them. On average he's been going every 4-5 days on the toilet, until the past 2 weeks and suddenly, he refusing to go, crying and getting himself worked up, saying he's scared and it's going to hurt when he goes. I've asked if it's hurt before, he says no. He just keeps saying he's scared. He hasn't asked for nappy pants and I really don't want to start with all that again when he's come so far, but I've gone from being lovely, patient, kind mummy, to just telling him to do what he wants and leaving him to it and stropping off. I feel awful and I don't feel I'm helping by getting stroppy with him, but I can't help myself. I've said everything I possibly can to encourage/help/persuade him, but I'm all out of ideas as to where to go from here.
I've looked online for several years and read up on other children (mainly boys) that have struggled with it, but I think I've exhausted all those avenues now and wondered, does anybody have any experience/ideas as to what I can now do.... pretty please!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 28-Jan-14 17:15:57

With boys, if they stand up to pee and they can see what is going on, when it comes to a poo they can sometimes get nervous because while sitting down they can't see. Has his dad talked about this with him?

You have to work on reversing it without DS noticing, have you asked him if anything is bothering him? Were there other DCs in earshot at school one day and he felt rushed or anxious? Was he put off by one experience of constipation, or splashing?

The worry is, if he's scared to go, that'll make him hold it, which makes it hard to get out = a vicous circle. Don't overload him with loads of fibre, that might make things worse. Have you asked your GP about this?

One suggestion I read elsewhere was, if he can hold a mirror and see where the poo is coming from, that can help. Or put some music on, let him take his time, read a comic or book.

It must be very frustrating but hang on in there. See if you can work on this over the weekend. If you are calm and matter of fact, he won't tense up as much. It's becoming a battle so you have to ease up. Everyone on the planet has to eliminate waste products, he'll get the hang of it again.

lambethma Tue 28-Jan-14 19:10:23

hello - i feel your pain. My dd is 6 and has had poo issues since she was little. If your DS is only going every 4-5 days then his stools are going to be really big and they are probably causing him some discomfort/pain/insecurity even if he can't put that into the words of "hurt" and is saying he's "scared" instead. Our GP referred us to the bladder and bowel clinic locally and the paediatrician then gave us a few courses of movicol, a stool softener - 1 or 2 weeks until everything is cleared out, with a regular toileting schedule and reward charts, bribes, singing, dancing and generally everything poo related in order to induce some change, somewhere. We are not out of the woods yet…. but there are definite improvements (like a poo, on the loo most days after tea…. never thought we'd get here, but we're in it for the long haul). You really aren't alone on this, there are lots of us, just not many people who talk about it in the real world, thus making us feel completely inadequate as parents…. grin thanks world. You're doing a great job, be nice to yourself, try and focus on the fact that this IS TEMPORARY (after 4 years I know it doesn't seem like it…. really I do, but it is going to be ok in the long run), try the technique of leaving the room and imagining yourself downing a v large gin and tonic while the nanny sorts everything out, then take a deep breath and go back in again. Or just drink the G&T and lock yourself in another room until you're able to reconnect with your inner loveliness as a mother…..brew sigh….

Chuckymuffin Sat 01-Mar-14 14:01:50

DonkeysDontRideBicycles and Iambethma thank you so much for your replies and apologies for the long pause in posting back!
The past few weeks have been a struggle. I've had contact with the school nurse who spoke to the local continence clinic and they advised all the same things that I'd pretty much already exhausted. But one thing she did say, which really stuck with me is that we need to break the habit. It seem sot obviously but I'd never thought of it like that and it then made we talk to DS about it all from a different angle. The past two weeks we have been passing motion on the toilet every night. EVERY NIGHT, I tell'ya!!! He's at his dads this weekend and I'm hoping to God, it doesn't go back to square one on his return tomorrow.....

BumpyGrindy Sat 01-Mar-14 14:44:35

Is he only pooing once every 4 5 days? That's really not often enough and in your shoes I would visit the doctor about it.

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