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Just need some reassurance this is ok

(16 Posts)
Lozzapops Mon 13-Jan-14 10:20:18

My daughter is 12 weeks old, and it seems like she cries at pretty much everything! She only seems to want to be held facing outwards and standing up, which I imagine is because she is becoming curious about the world around her. If I try and hold her any other way for longer than a minute or two, she gets very upset.

She cries when getting dressed (arms through sleeves in particular) - although not when getting undressed. Also when she is taken out of the bath, despite us doing everything we can to make sure it is warm and comfortable for her, and having a feed ready.

She cries at the end of a feed, for a minute or so, this doesn't appear to be a pained cry, or related to wind, she just seems annoyed and put out that the feed has come to an end. She isn't still hungry, just seems angry!

She is sometimes content to lay and play with her play gym, but really need to catch her at the right moment. Most of the time, if i put her down and stay with her to play, she gets very whingy and soon starts to cry. She absolutely HATES tummy time, and after more than 10 seconds or so she will start to cry.

She feeds well (with the exception of the crying at the end) and sleeps fairly well (has 3-4 naps during the day, and goes from 8pm - 4am with a dream feed at 10:30pm).

You always hear of babies being at their most unsettled in the evenings, but generally speaking 5pm until bedtime tends to be her best time, and she seems a lot more content.

I know babies do cry a lot, and I guess I wouldn't be worried about it too much, if it wasn't for the fact that every baby I know who is around the same age just seems so content. They all seem to be happy left playing on their mat or sat on mum's lap, or laying down on their tummy. At groups, I am the one walking round the room with my baby, rather than playing down on the floor.

We do use a dummy (rather a lot!) but I hate feeling reliant on it. It really makes me feel bad that I can't soothe my own baby without using a dummy.

I sound really negative, but there are times when she is full of smiles and is a real joy. I just feel very overwhelmed by all the crying sometimes. Please reassure me mine isn't the only baby like this, and that it will get better!

GeordieJellybean Mon 13-Jan-14 10:26:31

My DS is also 12 weeks and I've been feeling like he cries more than he should (he's our first so no frame of reference). I just try to reassure myself that babies cry and it's normal.
Sorry probably not much help, just know that you're not alone!

mrsmalcolmreynolds Mon 13-Jan-14 19:00:41


mrsmalcolmreynolds Mon 13-Jan-14 19:04:24

Sorry - not sure what happened there!

Meant to say that all sounds fine (if rather wearing). You've just got a bit of a tpuchy one who will probably be a lot happier once she can do more. DD who is now 4.3 was quite like this. She improved rapidly once she was mobile which was not long after six months. ..

ktef Mon 13-Jan-14 19:13:55

My ds1 was like this. He seemed to have the loudest cry, and never seemed to be comforted by me. People would say "oh he wants his mum" when he was crying, and I used to feel a bit embarrassed as he didn't seem to want me and wasn't comforted by me. He seemed like he was uncomfortable in himself, just not happy, never really played with stuff. I too was surrounded by content interested in the world babies. Having now had ds2 and ds3, I know I was not imagining it and ds1 was all the things I thought, he just wasn't a very happy baby. But he is fine now (age 7), more than fine he is brilliant and is really more loving and affectionate now than my other two. It gets easier, and my ds1 definitely got happier the older he got. Its so long ago now, and my brain has turned to mush with ds2 and ds3, so I can't remember when it changed....

toomuchtooold Mon 13-Jan-14 20:03:29

You're taking me back to when my youngest was a baby... she was exactly like that! We found Harvey Karp's techniques useful (swaddling, rocking, and gently jiggling them on your knee) and also dancing to music with her (she was a fan of Moves Like Jagger. What a 2012 baby). I know our DD wasn't getting enough sleep at the time but it sounds like you have that sorted. Anyway, she cheered up big time at about 4 months and I hear that's common so hopefully you're nearly there!

Sneezecakesmum Mon 13-Jan-14 20:55:56

Have you tried a forward facing baby sling. Sometimes it's just easier to go with what she is happiest with.

findingherfeet Mon 13-Jan-14 21:41:04

Sounds very familiar from when my little one was same age, normal I think but definitely hard gets lots better!!

Alexandra6 Tue 14-Jan-14 07:37:01

Mine is 5 weeks and I could have written your post! I've been avoiding baby groups/classes even though I really want to do them at some point when she seems more settled hopefully. We've had a good couple of days but last night she fed and cried more often again. Feel the same about enjoying the good times, when she was smiling yesterday it made my heart burst, but it is tough!

I've had some major crying sessions too for hours and I did wonder about acid reflux but now we've had a "good" couple of days, I feel more reassured that she isn't suffering. She does seem windy sometimes and it's hard to wind her without her getting upset!

DeWe Tue 14-Jan-14 10:00:31

DD2 was like that. I ended up just doing everything with her in a sling until she was about a year.

Neither of the others were like that, so it was definitely her not me.

ChocolateChipCupcake Tue 14-Jan-14 15:35:31

My second was just the same. She hated everything for the first year, and cried all the time. When she got to 12 months she just suddenly cheered up. There is hope, but you might just have to wait it out

TarkaTheOtter Tue 14-Jan-14 15:42:57

Alexandra my dd was like your at home but much happier when out and about so don't be put off groups/classes if you want to do them.
Even if she cries people will understand. My dd had a nursing strike at about 7months at a mum and baby group and wouldn't feed despite being starving. She screamed for about 20mins until I could get her latched and everyone was just really supportive.

Purplelooby Fri 17-Jan-14 23:45:57

Yup that was DS as a baby. Never wanted cuddles, got into hysterical sobs over nothing, never seemed happy and absolutely HATED being lay on his back, or tummy, hated the sling, hated baby massage...

To survive the first few months:
I persisted with baby groups even though he was the crying one, people really didn't mind and were so nice about it. I used the dummy and it definitely helped! I held him however he wanted - also sat up facing outwards. Oh and I bought a reclined chair thing which he loved.

It got soooo much better. When he learnt to sit up this helped a bit and things just got slowly better. Now he's a toddler and he is soooo much easier than many other toddlers his age :D He has fantastic social skills despite being such a grumpy baby and he is incredibly resiliant. On the other hand, lots of the very easy babies from his groups are now right tantrum-tots...

Kelly1814 Fri 17-Jan-14 23:52:46

My 18 weeker is a huge screamer. Yesterday screamed for 4 hours on and off....mainly on. I hate being out in public as she is so unpredictable.

I would cling to the fact that yours sleeps..the crying is harder to bear on little to no sleep. My dd wakes every few hours in the night. Truly hideous.

murphy36 Sat 18-Jan-14 07:35:48

I agree with Kelly. Crying sounds fine, just be happy you get so much sleep smile

Lozzapops Sat 18-Jan-14 18:27:48

Hi everyone, sorry for late response. Thank you all for your reassuring words, it is nice to know that I'm not the only one!

Over the last few days, things have been a little better, we have had two successful baby groups, where she hardly cried! Felt like a miracle. It has really boosted my confidence, and although I know it won't always go so well, I feel like it can be done!

I have a sling/wrap, am going to try an outward facing hold in a couple of weeks when her head control is a little better.

Definitely holding on to the fact that she is a reasonably good sleeper, I know we are lucky in that sense.

Thank you again!

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