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High need baby? i need uplifting / encouragement :(

(6 Posts)
daerwen Sun 05-Jan-14 14:16:56

my DS is almost 9 mt old and he's a bit different. i did every principle stated in the attachment parenting technique. i ebf him, i babywear, we co sleep, blw. but he still cries too much. screams as he wants. he doesn't want to be placed in the playpen, jumper, walker. he doesn't want his toys. he wants the utensils, the cellphone and other non toy stuffs. hes only 9 mts but he cries if he doesn't get what he wants - the kind of "fake" cry. is it normal for a 9mt old? im his walker. his playpen. his pacifier. his jumper. and it just gets too much for me. especially when he cries amd screams like he's being hit. i thought attacment parenting gives happier babies? but what's wrong with me? my baby is not sick. its just the way he is. im really going crazy over here. im sometimes too tired that i started to hate my husband. started to hate sex - it just takes my time when all i want to do is rest!!!!! because baby nurse a lot. i cry because i feel doomed and it feels like the world is asking everything from me and I'm trying so haaard to give it but seems not enough. mothers are supposed to be happy but i feel so tired. i want to be a good wife but i can't give everything for my husband. it's just too much and im blaming myself for being a failure.

Frusso Sun 05-Jan-14 14:39:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NorthEasterlyGale Sun 05-Jan-14 17:06:26

Well, he sounds a bit like my DS1. He was a challenging wee chap and I didn't really bond with him for the first 8 - 10 months because I found things so relentlessly difficult. He's now 19 months and an absolute joy.

With hindsight my conclusions are thus: I don't particularly enjoy small babies and he didn't particularly enjoy being one. If your DS is anything like mine, his frustration will abate once he gets more independence (crawling or walking) and more communication (have you tried a bit of baby sign language by the way - might help).

Sounds like you're feeling quite down with things - could you have a chat with your HV to make sure you don't have PND? I had undiagnosed PND and it made things so much harder than they would have been if I'd realised and spoken to someone.

In the meantime, give him a pan and a wooden spoon (honestly, utensils are the best toys sometimes grin), have a cuppa and remind yourself that you're actually a fab mum - it's a phase you will both come through in one piece.

RubyrooUK Sun 05-Jan-14 17:10:11

Do stop blaming yourself. Babies can be hard to work out and if you are exhausted, it makes everything feel even worse.

I have a 9 month old DS2 (who I don't think is high needs) and I have a DS1 (who definitely WAS high needs). So I've been there too.

I think 9mo is a very "frustrated stage" for lots of babies, when they are just developing real mobility and starting the first sounds that will become speech.

I know my DS2 is now unwilling to be captive in anything (pushchair, car seat, bouncer). He has been crawling for a couple of months - which frustrated him for a while too - and now he can cruise furniture but not walk unaided, which annoys him. So I try to make sure that there are long periods of the day when he can roam free as otherwise he's constantly annoyed. (Sod the housework.)

He is also so excited by his development that he finds it hard to work out when he wants to sleep (and he is brilliant compared to DS1 who didn't really nap at all). So he is often tired and grizzly when he is over-tired, which is most of the time.

And remember too that 9m is prime separation anxiety time, so it's likely that your baby is realising they are not part of you for the first time. I always think that makes babies more hard work for a while because they don't want you to put them down. DS2 is like that and like I said, I don't think he is a hard baby compared to his elder brother, who really wanted to get back inside the womb wink.

We co-sleep and I breastfeed too. I'm back at work full time so very tired too. My relationship with DH has definitely had to take a back seat - he feels knackered out too.

I don't know if you want any specific advice or just the chance to vent. But you are not alone and don't beat yourself up. Parenting is hard work.

RubyrooUK Sun 05-Jan-14 17:14:54

Ps. And neither of my children have loved their toys best. They loved wooden spoons, Tupperware, my mobile phone and anything else that catches their imagination. I give DS2 loads of plastic bowls, non- sharp cutlery and let him throw it everywhere! Now he is currently unpacking our kitchen cupboards of plastic a minute we will stack them and knock them over while I cook dinner as this is much more alluring than playing with his toy blocks!

Cies Sun 05-Jan-14 17:20:48

It sounds tough. You are not alone. My ds was a bit like this, I thought it was normal until dd came along.

Can you get away by yourself at all to recharge your batteries? Famiky, babysitter, creche, friend? That always helps me

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