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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

How the fuck do I implement 'quiet time'?!

34 replies

sleepcrisis · 14/12/2013 13:33

DS is 2.6 and dropping his nap. I have been advised on here to have quiet time for an hour instead of sleep. My DS is very capable of understanding what is expected of him and very good at ignoring it when he feels like it. He liked the sound of sitting in bed with his teddies and some books but now he is jumping up and down like the duracell bunny, throwing toys around and singing at the top of his lungs. Interspersed with 'mummy come here and play, mummy come here'. This is not quiet time. What I forsee happening is him over exciting himself and then needing a bloody nap after all, 2 hours too late!

Only option I can see is beebies which I really don't want to resort to, but I know it's the only way he'll relax quietly.

help!

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Rummikub · 14/12/2013 13:35

Snuggle on sofa with him and share books?

He doesn't sound like he needs a nap

sleepcrisis · 14/12/2013 13:41

haha he doesnt! well he does... He usually goes to sleep immediately when I put him to bed, but then he's not going to bed until 9 instead of 7. I just don't think he knows how to relax on his own. I was hoping for quiet time without him! (i'm pregnant and shattered)

Problem with books on the sofa is that he'll end up asking for the tv which I'm trying to cut back on. I really don't know how I'm going to cope when he doesn't nap every day .This is currently an every other day experiment! And what the hell will I do when the baby comes! Please tell me there is life after nap!

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thankfeckitschrismas · 14/12/2013 13:44

I know this sounds mad, but you are his favourite toy, so act as you would if your batteries were going. Turn everything off so there are no distractions. Then.....

Say it's quiet time and sit on the sofa. He will bug you, but just take mre and more time to respond to him. Make your movements slower as well. Even pretend to be asleep. Once he realises that there isn't an option he will settle down. The important thing is that you don't start your quiet hour until he has settled down.

It could take him an hour to get settled then have an hour or half an hour quiet time. You absolutely don't want to wind him down and then up again, he needs to be wound down rested and then revived.

It takes a bit of getting used to,but he will understand if all his distractions are taken away.
Hth

sleepcrisis · 14/12/2013 13:51

should he be silent? He's singing to himself now in his cot but not really resting. does that count?

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sleepcrisis · 14/12/2013 13:53

And also thankfeck, do you do quiet time in their own rooms on their own or on the sofa with you? Do you interact or expect them to read/play alone? Because DH has gone in now and is reading to him as we couldn't see him settling down on his own.

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thankfeckitschrismas · 14/12/2013 13:53

Oh yes that's fine, if he's gently settled that's fine.

Allegrogirl · 14/12/2013 13:57

I was in exactly the same situation. Pregnant, nauseous and exhausted with Duracell bunny two year of. I gave in and stuck the telly on. It also made life easier in the early mammoth bf days with dd2. I snoozed while dd watched Winnie the Pooh and nemo. It wasn't what I planned but got us through. Good luck with getting some rest.

thankfeckitschrismas · 14/12/2013 13:57

I'm a cm. I do quiet time in the living room.
I put out mats after lunch and tell them it's quiet time. They all have their own mats so they settle themselves.

Then I sit with then just quietly. Not doing anything. Then they settle down.

sleepcrisis · 14/12/2013 15:11

Well that was a complete failure! DS fell asleep on dh's lap during the first story. Then we tried to transfer him to the sofa to wake him but he slumped against me in a deep sleep! So we gave him 30mins. Will have to wait and see how that affects bedtime. One good thing that came out of it is that he woke in a far nicer mood than when he has a proper nap!

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Bluecarrot · 14/12/2013 15:25

Have you a box of separate books/quiet toys for quiet time?

We had a box for every day so she only saw them once a week. Things like small jigsaws ( make your own with a photo or similar stuck onto cardboard, then cut into a few pieces) A book on cd ( could record one yourself) that sort of thing??

thankfeckitschrismas · 14/12/2013 17:21

Stick with it, one day isn't a routine

lilyaldrin · 14/12/2013 17:58

An hour of singing/playing in his cot is fine. Get a Gro-clock, then you can set the nap timer so he knows he's not coming out until the sun comes up on it.

Beastofburden · 14/12/2013 17:59

Turn it round. Quiet time is the ONLY time he gets the television. Actually, a DVD.

BertieBowtiesAreCool · 14/12/2013 18:01

Dunno, we never bothered with it. I don't think it's true that you have to do it at all.

2kidsintow · 14/12/2013 19:50

When mine dropped naps, I didn't try for 'quiet time'. I did, however (as I was pregnant with DD2) have snuggle time where we sat and watched something together quietly.

Fairylea · 14/12/2013 20:03

Does it really matter if he watches some TV or a dvd? If you both get to relax and have some peace what's not to like?

I think everyone is far too anti TV nowadays. Obviously all in moderation etc etc but I know that part of me relaxing is to sit down and enjoy some tv, I don't expect my dc to be any different.

sleepcrisis · 14/12/2013 20:08

thanks for the replies.

I really don't know what I'm doing. I'm sat here in tears because he just won't go to sleep. He woke at 6 am, slept for 30 mins at lunch and its gone 8pm.

This time a month ago he slept 7-7 and 2 hours at lunch.

He's sat there begging me to go to him, I go in, he almost drifts off and then when I leave he's up again.

It's been going on a month and I'm about to crack. I don't remember the last time I had an hour to myself, seeing as DH and I need to be in bed by 9pm to get a half decent nights sleep :(

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BertieBowtiesAreCool · 14/12/2013 20:22

Oh, it's horrible when they're in that transition time due to naps :( I would just sit in his room until he falls asleep for now. Take a phone/book/kindle or something. And swap nights with DH so you both get time off.

sleepcrisis · 14/12/2013 20:30

Tbh I'm not 100% convinced its all down to naps. Surely if it was he'd be asleep by now after just a 25 min kip on the sofa? He's going through quite a clingy phase, he only wants mummy. DH went in just now and he went hysterical saying ' I don't want daddy, mummy come here'. I wonder if its all the baby talk - maybe he senses a change coming. But the thought of him sleeping like this when the baby comes sends me crazy and I see the horrific PND and sleep deprivation returning before my eyes.

I couldn't sit there with any kind of technology as he'd be all over it and bouncing off the ceiling! But I would if I could...

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sleepcrisis · 14/12/2013 20:30

I think tommorrow I'll try a dvd instead of any sleep at all, and see what happens.

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Auntierosemary · 14/12/2013 20:34

Don't despair! You'll hit on something that works for you eventually. Sounds like he needs a nap still though staying up til nine is hard work. How about letting him have a nap but wake him up after twenty mins or so and then have quiet time? And I would, and do, just stick the telly on. Believe me, the tv is a life saver once you have two. I don't think it'll do him any harm as long as he is active and busy doing other things the rest of the day.
With my older daughter, now three, I got really strict with her in the afternoons - either she lay down and went to sleep on the sofa or she had to go to bed with the light off. I gave her a countdown of five minutes and had to carry through on the threat a few times and carry her kicking and screaming to bed. Worked after about a week and it's a godsend now. The baby goes to bed and sleeps for two hours and at the same time my older daughter snoozes or sleeps on the sofa while I can do things round the house, or sit and watch telly.
Don't be afraid to be strict - lay down the rules about what you want your son to do, think up a consequence if he doesn't do it, a reward if he does, and carry through with what you say. And cross your fingers!

BertieBowtiesAreCool · 14/12/2013 20:34

Hmm, I don't know, I know DS would be up mega late if he had even a short nap when he dropped his afternoon one.

Could be due to new baby stress/worries as well though.

I think different children react differently to technology. DS has always been really calm when watching TV and we use it when he needs downtime but other kids are different and it probably does depend on their personality.

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Auntierosemary · 14/12/2013 20:41

Ps also got strict with her at night time. After weeks of having to sit with her for ages while she fell asleep, and even sleeping on the floor beside her, we told her she had to go to sleep, we were going downstairs and if she didn't.... X would happen. Eg if she stayed in bed and went to sleep without crying and screaming, she could have her door open and the light on and some music. But if she caused a fuss she would have to sleep in the dark with no music etc. again, had to carry out threat a couple of times, for 10 mins or so, but it worked more or less in the end.
Maybe try something like that?

LeafyGreen13 · 14/12/2013 20:44

Just go with the flow. My daughter is 2.8 and sometimes naps and sometimes doesn't. She likes to go to bed at 11pm if she naps. She'll go at 7pm if she doesn't.

I'm also pg so if I'm knackered and if she's not napping I give her a snack and I have a snooze on the sofa while she watches TV.

My sons gave up their naps at 18 months. I used to take them for a walk or drive around in the afternoon to try and get them to sleep but it never worked. At their nursery they encouraged them to nap in the afternoon until they were 3 but if they didn't want to sleep they were allowed to play.

There is a boy at their pre-school who is also 5 and falls asleep in the classroom in the afternoon still. Each child is so different. I think this transition time is tough but doesn't last forever.

sleepcrisis · 14/12/2013 20:46

I'm not against TV. Its just I think it puts him in a bad mood because he just wants more and more. At the moment he has about 30 mins after his nap while he comes round, and there is always a tantrum when it's time to turn it off. Thats why I think replacing the nap with TV might not help, because he's tired anyway he'll just want to watch more and more.

He does really chill out in from of it though, it's almost like sleep so in that respect it could be useful. I just hate dragging him away...

All I want is my evening back. I'd hoped to keep the nap for a while longer but if I can't do that then at the least I'd like to have him in bed and quiet at 7pm. He used to just go down so nicely but there are so many bedtime resistances now - one more trip to the toilet, one more song, tuck me in mummy, over and over. I know it's typical toddler behaviour on one hand but on the other I just feel so deprived of my own down time. I just want to eat dinner and watch a bit of tv in peace! And wrap some bloody Christmas presents!

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