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WTF can I do with 8wk old who wakes every 50minutes?!?

(21 Posts)
ZuleikaD Thu 31-Oct-13 19:55:31

Well, we're kind of cosleeping here at the moment (not sure if it counts as DS2 gets the other half of the double bed in the spare room - I don't sleep cuddling him or anything) - anyway, I fed him to sleep at about 6.15, then he woke up and wouldn't be put down about 7.15, so he's currently asleep on DH's chest while DH plays Bioshock in the living room. I'm going to bed in a minute in the spare room and DH will bring DS2 up to me in a couple of hours. At the moment, that's the only two-hour stretch I can count on all night.

You will find that as he gets a bit older he'll be able to do 90 minutes awake and then 45 minutes asleep, and he'll do that all day.

badguider Thu 31-Oct-13 17:45:19

Thanks everyone.

I'm trying the "90 minute sleep solution" in the daytime as I think he might be overtired / overstimulated.
I've also just started baby massage so will be trying to fit that in to our routine (just not sure where to fit it in yet as we're not ready for an early evening bedtime yet).

And I've got Ewan the sheep which does seem to resettle him quickly.

Wish me luck!

P.s. Am going to start another thread asking how cosleepers "do bedtime".

ZuleikaD Thu 31-Oct-13 14:15:19

I found it helpful to think of my newborns as like baby kangaroos. They're so undeveloped when they're born and to develop properly they need to be physically attached to you for as much of the time as possible. You may find that wearing him during the day for as long as possible helps with the nights - he needs a certain amount of oxytocin (generated through physical contact) in order for his brain to develop and so if you can 'fill up' his oxytocin needs during the day then he may sleep slightly longer at nights. I wore both boys more or less all day until they were about three months old and they sleep brilliantly on you.

Also, I would co-sleep properly, to be honest - IME it's more heartache than it's worth trying to hurry a baby through a phase they just need to get through at their own pace. Push the bed against the wall so there's a safe space between you and the wall, and your partner/husband sleeps in the spare room for a bit. I do feel your pain - DC3 has had rotten sleep since he was 4 months and our current phase is waking-up-for-a-mammoth-pooing-session-at-4am.

roweeena Thu 31-Oct-13 10:19:38

Try the sleepyhead cushion - I've wedge mine in the Moses basket and I think DS feels like he is being cuddled by it - he sleeps for 5hr stretches now. Just an option

notadoctor Wed 30-Oct-13 22:20:33

Have you tried baby massage? It seemed to really help settle my DD when she was very fractious at around that age.

We started doing a bedtime routine of bath, massage, feed then sleep at around 8wks - things didn't always happen at the same time but they did happen in the same order and I think it helped her understand sleepy time was approaching.

I'd also second Ewan the Dream Sheep. Does she have a comfort object? You could try wearing a muslin under your clothes so it smells of you (and milk!) and putting that in bed with her.

Definitely worth talking to your HV too.

Good luck! It's exhausting, I really feel for you.

RandomMess Wed 30-Oct-13 19:30:44

badguider I "trained" mine at a young age to go to sleep by themselves in their cot using the put down pick up method.

It sounds as though your little one is used to being cuddled to fall asleep for every nap/sleep? If that is the case then he's relying on that sleep prop to get to sleep each and every time.

"training" does not involving leaving them to cry at all. Pick up put down means you cuddle them until content and then put them in the cot awake, they complain/cry so you pick up again, cuddle until content, then put down again whilst still awake and so on. It only took a few days for mine to be content to lay awake but tired in their cots and go to sleep. Also sometime they can "yell" a bit or "grizzle" as they get themselves to sleep so you need to be confident in your ability to know when they are upset and when they are just being noisy/giving the occasional shout.

BotBotticelli Wed 30-Oct-13 19:27:58

With regard to your RL friends advice: there's certainly no harm in starting to put into place an 'evening routine' at 8 weeks old: bath at same sort of time every evening, feed in a dark room and then try to settle to sleep. But not sure this would really help much if LO is very unsettled between 9-midnight.

I think at the moment you need to prioritise finding out if there's anything causing your baby pain (ie reflux) and if not then working on extreme survival methods for the next few weeks! The routine thing will emerge naturally when things have calmed down a bit. It won't be like this forever xx

BotBotticelli Wed 30-Oct-13 19:24:49

Hey OP sorry this is such a difficult time :-( it does get better I promise.

In the meantime, can you tell your HV what he is like at night and see what she says? Does she think it sounds like reflux? (Baby heartburn) does LO have any other symptoms? They can prescribe meds to improve this if it's the case.

Other things you could try: a dummy? You seem prett sure you know when your baby is hungry, so of he's not maybe a dummy would help soothe and settle him? I could not have gotten through the first few months of DS's life without a pack of dummies which we cracked out at 4am when he was 4 weeks old. Lots of my friends who BF'd used dummies with no ill effects. Whatever you have to do to survive basically.

Do you swaddle him to sleep? This really helped our little boy feel secure for the first few weeks as well. We also used to put him to sleep in the carrycot from our pram for the first few weeks cos it felt more enclosed than the crib or Moses basket. We also rolled a cellular blanket I to a short sausage shape and wedged it down beside DS in the basket (only up to chest height so it was nowhere near his face) so he felt 'packed in' and more snuggly. I am pretty sure official SIDS advice would be against this but we were at our wits end and we made sure it was nowhere near his face.

I think I remember when DS was bout 7 weeks old we were still at the stage of DH taking the carrycot Into the livig room at 3am for a couple of hours so I could get 2 hours sleep cos I was weeping with exhaustion. Our DS had colic (basically trapped wind in his bottom) and was really unsettled all night until about 12 weeks old when he suddenly got much better and started sleeping for 3-4 hour stints at night. Incidentally he is now 11mo and sleeps 7-6 every night. At some point this WILL get better. Can you express some milk and get DH to give LO a couple of bottles at night at the weekend at least? Sleeping on to he sofa with baby in basket nearby if necessary so you can have a night in bed?

Ninaej Wed 30-Oct-13 11:59:00

Read this blog and try Ewan the dream sheep. he is a soothing calmer for babies and works wonders. My sister swears by it.

badguider Wed 30-Oct-13 11:42:42

His dad takes him 9pm to midnight when he's hard to settle but he cries then (his fussy time) so I can't really sleep (small flat).

Real life people talked about starting sleep training by trying to put him down awake or giving him sleep time rituals or doing things differently in the evening fussy time. Does nobody here believe in any of that??

Snuppeline Wed 30-Oct-13 07:22:56

Your not pathetic! We all want and need sleep. Eight weeks is a long time for you to be without sleep. It is hard but as they grown they become able to sleep for longer. A sleep cycle (light sleep into medium deep sleep into deep sleep back to light sleep) is about 45 minutes so it sounds like your son wakes up when in light sleep. He hasn't learned to link his sleep cycles yet. My dd is now 11 weeks this week and she is so so much better. Sleep training is not the solution but setting the stage for good sleep for all of you is. For this you need to have slept some yourself first I think. Can the father take him for a bit, or a family member? Maybe if they walked him for a couple of hours he would link sleep cycles due to the movement? And you could get some sleep to feel better.

I cosleep often with my dd and take her into my bed for her night time feeds. I lie on my side and feed her that way. I always offer both breasts and find if she has both she sleeps longer. However she is now old enough to link sleep cycles on her own at least a few times during 24 hours. Swaddling is good.

Other than that I can recommend the book 'sleep sense' used it with my first dd who is now 5 and using it now with my 11wk dd.

It will get better but in the mean time make sure you get some help so that you can get some sleep so you feel better.

ipswichwitch Wed 30-Oct-13 07:16:30

Could it be reflux? DS would so this, particularly when he was tiny - would only settle if held upright . We tried infacol which worked for a while, and also raising the head end of his cot slightly so he wasn't totally flat.

He did also just like being held and the comfort and reassurance he got, so I agree with what all the other posters said.

ZingWantsCake Wed 30-Oct-13 07:07:38

check out Priscilla Dunstan baby language on the Oprah show on YouTube

sorry, can't link, but it's easy to find

badguider Wed 30-Oct-13 07:04:51

When I say I try to settle him without picking him up I do have my arms around him. I just don't want us to both keep sitting up or getting out of bed.

And I can co-sleep with my arms round him if we are both lying in the mattress, it's just with him actually on me I can't do. I wake after a few seconds with my heart hammering and I'm so tense I'm in pain all day in my back and shoulders.

I know how pathetic this sounds. I wish I could do what you're all telling me to sad

badguider Wed 30-Oct-13 06:49:39

He's in a co sleeper cot not more than a few cm from me and I reach out and hold him but he doesn't go back to sleep till I sit upright holding him properly and rocking him.

When he was very young I did hold him all night but I cannot sleep with him on me. I got through that thinking it would get better..... It's now much worse.

He's not hungry. Or if he is he's refusing the breast and we have a whole other set of problems. But he does make feeding cues and feed every 2-3hrs so I don't think it's that in between.

It sounds like most people are saying its normal to never get more than about 30min sleep at a time (by tge time hes resertled)I don't think I can manage it whether its normal or not sad I wasn't cut out for this. I thought I could at least get an hour or two like when he was younger sad

galwaygirl Wed 30-Oct-13 06:34:18

I think it's normal for them to wake after 45 mins especially as try start to move a bit more so when they come out of a deep sleep they wake themselves up. We cosleep and that helps x

LittleRobots Wed 30-Oct-13 06:31:44

I'd guess same as above - still little and stirring and checking for reassurance you're there. With any luck he'll soon realise you're always there and sleep a bit more . . .

I had a co-sleeper which attached to my bed so I could just roll them over to me but still have my own bed if I needed it.

Good luck. sleep deprivation is horrible but it really is only a stage.

Lagoonablue Wed 30-Oct-13 06:31:35

Agree with above. He is still just settling down. Does he need a feed? I know you say he isn't hungry but he may be on a growth spurt and actually need feeding.

It is tough though but it will get better.

reallyreallyworried Wed 30-Oct-13 06:31:30

Have you tried swaddling?

llamallama Wed 30-Oct-13 06:27:06

Yes far too young to sleep train.

Have you tried/would you consider co-sleeping?maybe he just needs contact with you? He is still so small.

I wouldn't be trying to settle him without picking him up, he is such a young baby, they need cuddles and contact. He is still finding his feet, give him time.

badguider Wed 30-Oct-13 06:08:47

It's all in the title really. I'm going insane. What can I do?

He used to wake to feed every 2-3hrs. Now he wakes for no reason every 50min. I try to settle him without picking up and it sometimes works but often not. He's so young I worry its his nappy or he's hungry (am bf) but usually it's not.

He's too young for sleep training surely?

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