tantrums?

[sparker22]

hi,

my 7 month old daughter really kicks off with crying when I take away something she shouldn't have/trying to eat/trying to crawl somewhere she shouldn't be (such as the shoes by the front door).

how can I stop her getting do upset/frustrated?

thanks for your advice in advanced

[sparker22]

I know its probably mostly out of frustration because she doesn't understand, but the constant whingy noises is starting to give me headaches

[sparker22]

or if I leave the room she starts crying immediately.... makes me going for a quick wee really upsetting for her & me!

[Tee2072]

That's babies for you. This too shall pass.

[sparker22]

hope it does soon, makes me feel like a rubbish mum

[Nishky]

No, don't think that! Distraction always worked for me, replace whatever you have taken with something she can have perhaps?

The wee thing you may just have to grit your teeth until it passes.

[Tee2072]

How are you a rubbish mum? Because she acts like the baby she is?

Yes, you can try distraction. Never worked for my son, but might work for yours.

[sparker22]

I know I'm being silly but i feel rubbish if its me thats upset her

[Tee2072]

You're going to upset her a lot in her life. Deal with the bad feelings now or feel bad for the next 40 years!

[sparker22]

I'm a first time mum with no other experience with kids, but I thought we, as parents, were supposed to do our best to keep our children happy and safe.

I was asking for advise on how to help stop my daughter from getting so upset.

i do not plan, and sure hope I do not end up, upsetting her a lot throughout her life...

[Tee2072]

Of course we are. But, by definition, small babies and toddlers have tantrums. You can't keep them happy all the time, unless you give into every demand, and then you have a spoiled brat who doesn't understand the word 'no'.

Is that what you want? Or do you want her to learn how to control her own temper and that throwing a fit gets her nothing? You're doing her no favours by 'keeping her happy' all the time.

[ExBrightonBell]

Sparker, I think that at 7 months it's ok not to want your baby to cry. 7 months is still very young. I also don't think that trying to minimise upset at this age will create a spoilt brat.

However, sometimes you will have to leave her for 2 mins, or stop her doing something dangerous or very undesirable and she might cry. This won't do any harm, and it is not your fault and you shouldn't feel guilty. Until they can talk, crying is their only way of expressing pretty much anything!

I would also look to try and remove and minimise any undesirable situations. Areas of my house are stair gated off, or we keep doors shut so my ds can't get into them. He basically has free run of most of the downstairs and it's all childproofed. Anything I don't want him to play with is kept out of reach. I also give him lots of ordinary objects to explore like old remotes (without batteries in!), hairbrushes, plastic bottles (tops tightly screwed on), etc. You can make a "treasure basket" full of different household objects for her to explore. This kept my ds happy for ages when he was about 6 months plus. Have a look here for ideas.

I also used to take my ds with me to the loo as it wasn't worth the upset to leave him! This has not made him a spoilt brat now at 14 months. He plays on his own happily although I still have to leave the door open

[sparker22]

I've got her a few householdy things, nail brush, hairbrush (with a really short handle), an egg timer in the shape of a pig. I'll add things to the 'treasure chest' as time goes on, hopefully she will take B interest in them and not my trainers! thanks

[Thurlow]

7m is still very young to do much on the tantrums front, and IMO at that age they aren't really tantrums as such. Though of course it's upsetting/stressful when they get upset.

I agree with the others that you either need to hide the things you don't want her to play with, or relax slightly and let her play with them. For example, is there a reason why she can't play with the shoes? Kids love shoes, god knows why, that one is just going to get worse as she gets older!

DC is 19m now and to be completely honest, it's only recently that we've been able in any way to try and manage and prevent tantrums. They need an element of language before they can start to understand why tantrums aren't the most effective way of getting what they want. Before that distraction worked sometimes, but not often. It's ignoring that worked best for us. Though again they need to be a bit older than your DD to start to put two and two together and understand what you are doing.

[sparker22]

I dont want her playing with the shoes as you never really know what's on the bottom (mud, poop, pee, etc)...though I'm thinking of getting a box and keeping the shoes in there so she can't actually get to them.

I wouldn't actually say they were proper tantrums, just kind of seemed the best word for the amount of upset she becomes when I take something away. it almost seems if she could, then she would stamp her feet! Lol

[sparker22]

I know she's still really young, but being a first time mum with bi experience just wondered if there was anything I could actual do.

i thought I had pretty much baby proofed the house but seems phoebe is finding things I just hadn't seen/thought of.

I suppose we will just get through it in the end

[Thurlow]

They do find things - you never know what it's possible for them to get hold of until they get hold of it

I was the same as you when DD was your DD's age, and I always say them as sort of tantrums too. It's only with hindsight that I can see it all a bit different. At 7m there is a lot of frustration as they are just learning to see and roll and identify objects they'd like to play with, and tears are frustration and confusion. They do quite quickly become tantrums though!

The thing that helps me when DD is tantruming or whining - and yes, you're right, it's just the right sound to slowly wind you up! - is to try and stop and understand why she is doing that. In some cases it is 'I want, I want, I want' and now she has more language skills we are able to ask or explain things to her in a way she might understand. For example, if she's tantruming because she wants something and has immediately gone straight to the tantrum, we ask her to calm down and ask nicely and that's starting to work. But a lot of times, if you look at it from their point of view you can see that actually she's just confused. She doesn't understand why she can't play with shoes on the floor, or scissors stupidly left in sight. That's when distraction is about your only option!

[chocolatecrispies]

She is exploring this amazing world which is brand new to her - for months she could only look at it and now she can finally explore - and you keep stopping her! Of course she gets upset, wouldn't you?

She will not understand why you are removing her, to her you are just being unreasonable. A treasure basket is unlikely to be as exciting as the real world for long and you don't want to cut off her natural instinct to explore and investigate.

I would make your house interesting and safe for her to explore. Don't have shoes out if you don't want her to play with them. I have all bins up on surfaces for now as dd loves emptying them and going through the content. Think about how your house looks to a very small person and make sure interesting things are accessible to her - we have toys in floor level boxes so she can get them out. If she loves shoes can you keep a clean pair out for her to play with? You need to change your environment and not expect to change her behaviour which is the result of natural curiosity being frustrated.