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6 year old talking about to die. Do I need specialised help?

(9 Posts)
Hopemore Sat 21-Sep-13 19:27:05

Hi, we are a normal family of 3, with normal ups and downs, and on a really good phase at the moment, a part from our DD's behaviour.
She always displayed a bit of a 'challenging' behaviour but I (we) always thought it is normal children's behaviour and she just had a naughtystrong personality.

But she said she wanted to die twice in two weeks. Today she said she wanted to throw herself under the cars, as we were coming back from the park with friends and she misbehaved badly towards the other children, myself and in front of my adult friend.

This is after an amazing holiday with lots of family around. She says no ones likes her and I always explain that everybody loves her but no one likes bad behaviour be it in an adult or a child...

I think she is loosing friends at school (and she was very popular before), but the story keeps changing...I am having a word with her teacher on Monday.

Sorry if I don't make sense or ca explain properly right now, just wondering if anyone have/had similar experiences and what should I do?

Hopemore Sat 21-Sep-13 20:08:18


ExBrightonBell Sat 21-Sep-13 20:17:04

I have no particular expertise in this area but to me it sounds like normal small child hyperbole. She knows it's a dramatic phrase and that it gets a reaction and is using it effectively. I would just ignore it as the more alarmed and worried you get the more effect the phrase has for her.

Also, having had a lovely holiday in the recent past won't have any impact on her behaviour today. She's 6 and it sounds like she is working on how to handle strong emotions. If she says similar things could you try and hear it as "I am very angry/upset/sad" instead of the actual words she is using?

Hopemore Sat 21-Sep-13 20:26:27

Thanks for your answer.
Wen she said she wanted to die, she didn't get any strong reaction from me a part from: oh really? why? and so on. I didn't let her see how shocking it was for me. But although sometimes she says/do things to cause a reaction, I believe when she says she wants to die, she is truly sad or thinking about it, I can see on her face and voice, specially because she said it is because no one likes her, in both occasions.
I mentioned the holidays just to show that we are on a good moment of our lives and she has been spending 6 weeks just enjoying herself with lots of family around who was glad to see her and being with her, so I do not understand why would she feel so fragile or not confident right now.
I will try to hear differently if she uses the word die again or try and make her use another word, however, as I don;t have much experience with children I just wanted to know if talking about dying is to extreme for a 6 year old...

Donki Sat 21-Sep-13 20:38:20

It can be not liking your feelings and feeling unable to manage them - and they don't know how else to make the feelings go away. So it comes out as wanting to die. I have found it helps DS to reframe this explicitly, saying "you are angry/sad (whatever) and don't like feeling like this. You want the feelings to stop, but don't know how to make them go away. This is often enough to enable DS to accept a hug and some comfort and then we can start to move on.

Donki Sat 21-Sep-13 20:38:52

But too right I am trying to get some help!

Hopemore Sat 21-Sep-13 20:44:44

I see Donki,

So maybe it isn't a bad thing after all, if she means that she recognises her feelings are not good, she doesn't like them, possibly regrets the misbehaviour, so she want the feelings to go away (die)...
Well I hope this is an explanation...

I reading stuff about children's behaviour and just started to think she might have a bit of Oppositional Defiant Disorder, I need to pay more attention to my parenting to mend this..

ExBrightonBell Sat 21-Sep-13 21:18:31

Sorry for misunderstanding your reactions to your dd OP. I think you responded correctly, and that Donki's suggestions of how to talk to her about her feelings could help. Good luck.

Hopemore Sat 21-Sep-13 22:14:54


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