I've been lurking and have plucked up the courage to finally ask for some advice because I don't know where to turn
My DD (4.. will be 5 in November) has always had a strong and loving relationship with my MIL. She is a fantastic Nanna, and even though she works part time, she has helped me and DH with childcare since DD was 9 months old. She has always had her over for 'sleepovers' roughly once a week as I work nights and DH doesn't come home til after 10pm. Not only has this been a lifeline for us, but until around 3 weeks ago, DD loved going there and adored my MIL.
We don't know whats gone wrong, but we noticed DD was getting anxious about sleeping over there and the last time she went, she was weepy and begging me not to go to work because she 'missed her home at night' and missed us too. She got through the night with a lot of fretting, crying and difficult behaviour at my MILs and since then hasn't been back (we were on holiday for a week, and I've had annual leave to be here for her first week in reception) I'm back in work this weekend, and was in desperate need for her to go to my MIL Saturday night but she has point blank refused. DH thinks that there is a lot of attention seeking behaviour going on, and that she needs to go there to see there is nothing to be scared of. My MIL is devastated and is in tears a lot of the time because she insists she hasn't done anything wrong (which I wholeheartedly agree with), my DH and me are having arguments over it and he is really hurt about his Mum and Daughter's relationship breaking down. In the middle of all this is my poor DD who last night sobbed and cried into my arms and wet herself with the fear over the prospect of going there. When asked what's happened to make her so so scared, she says its because its too far away (about 6 miles from us) and shes frightened she will never see us or her home again. The only incident that my MIL can think of, was that DD was a little bit tired one afternoon there weeks ago and was quite naughty, so MIL sent her to her room to calm down. (DD has her own room there) It was never mentioned at the time as DD forgot about it and it was over as quickly as it started.
The saddest thing of all is, is that she WILL stay with my Mum and Dad quite happily. They are having her for me overnight Saturday so I can work, but they both work too, so there will be a lot of juggling going on and I won't be getting any sleep. (literally.. I won't be able to go to bed in the day after my nights) This is causing friction between me and DH because she is favouring my parents and it hurts. Incidentally, my Parents live 4 streets away so DD says she doesn't mind it there as it's still 'home'
What do I do? I've called time on the sleepovers at MILs for now, and DD is happy with that. DH has suggested visits there with him but she's reluctant to go there even for an hour with us there. I understand that children all go through a phase of separation anxiety, but the fact that it's solely centered on my MIL is so awful that we all feel emotionally drained by it.
Any advice, help, suggestions, experiences would be great as I just don't know what to do anymore.
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DD has suddenly developed a fear of my MIL and it's devastating us all. Any Help?
35 replies
purpledatura · 06/09/2013 18:02
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