headstrong (almost) 4yr old

[misdee]

dd1 is very set in her ways. lately she has got it in to her head that we should walk to nursery even if it is chucking it down with rain/hail/snow. the last week i had to catch her outside of nursery as she tried to leg it out so she could walk home as she refused to get in the car. i had to actually carry her to the car and put her in. she isnt always like this, but we have started walking to nursery more and she just seems reluctant to get in the car. she also hates change, her tantrums have become worse, if i walk a different way she will go mad at me. we have been all over the place most of the week (hospital appointments) so she has been unsettled by her lack of routine and i think she is feeling lost in some ways. i put off telling her something is meant to happen as she cant accept it if it doesnt. just feel like its a losing battle. she has also stopped talking in her nice voice and now shouts a lot (and throws herself down going ARRRGH). wish she had a volume control.

[ponygirl]

Hi misdee, I've only just seen this and saw you had no responses! Thought I'd get you back to the top of the Active list. No direct experience although I do have a stubborn dd (3), but not quite so extreme. Sounds like a security thing to me though, if she's been unsettled a lot. Small children do like their routines, so hopefully you'll just have short rocky patch while they get re-established. Someone else here may have something more useful to add!

[coppertop]

It sounds as though she feels more secure when she knows in advance what will be happening. We have to warn ds1 about changes to his routine. He doesn't like the change but knowing about it helps him to feel more 'in control'.

You could try telling dd as soon as you see that it's raining "We're going to get in the car and then go to nursery." (A couple of times before you leave if she needs it.) With ds1 we find that he can often cope with a change if he knows what will happen after that, ie go in car THEN nursery.

We're still working on the need to go everywhere via the same route but again telling him what will happen afterwards sometimes works, "We're going to the Post Office and then the supermarket." He too will just lie down on the ground if it all gets too much, so I can really sympathise. Especially when people start tutting and muttering as they step over him.

[misdee]

she has always been a stickler for routine, ever since she was tiny. i was hoping she would get easier to persuade to do something different as she got older. she isnt the tidiest child in the world but she will sort her videos out into caterogies (rugrats, teletubbies, disney etc). in fact she scares me sometimes as she is so headstrong. i can reason with her most days, but even then its hard and a long process.