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Totally fed up of parenthood!!

(12 Posts)
lucylou158 Mon 19-Aug-13 16:27:14

I have 2 boys 2 & 3. ( there is 11 months in between them). I am finding it sooooo hard pretty much everyday now.
My husband works very long hours and most weekends too so I pretty much feel like a single parent.
My eldest sonneeds a lot of sleep I.e 7pm-10 am but my youngest wakes up at 6 ever morning and where they share a room he wakes the eldest up :-/ my day goes wrong from there on really! The tantrums and constant crying is just driving me crazy. Everything each of them do which is naughty or obviously getting to mummy the other one always copies. DOUBLE TROUBLE! And the youngest is a very cryie baby :-(!
I don't have many friends who have children so my days mainly consist of house work, boys, shopping and waiting for my husband.
I am beginning to feel like I should maybe go to the dr's about depression because I am never in a very positive place now.
I really struggle not to get short tempered with the boys and they are more and more challenging everyday. I've thought about getting a job to give me a purpose other than mummy and housewife, however this would leave us financially worse off after child care.
Is there any mums out there who feel the same?
How do you mums do it?
Pllleeeassssssee help me mums

CPtart Mon 19-Aug-13 16:40:56

I also have two DS although 8 and 10 now. However I too remember pulling my hair out in the early days and although don't think I was ever dressed, underestimated how much better I would feel after returning to work. It really was my salvation, those 20 hours a week thinking about things other than childcare made all the difference. I literally worked for nothing for two years to cover the nursery fees but it was worth every penny and the boys thrived.

CPtart Mon 19-Aug-13 16:41:29

Depressed I mean, not dressed!!

williwonti Mon 19-Aug-13 21:29:27

I have no experience i'm afraid but would say a job or something for you is worth a go. It's tough, really tough.

PoppyWearer Mon 19-Aug-13 21:42:38

My DH also works long hours, similar to yours.

My DC2 (DS) is 2yo and drives me crazy. DC1 is older (school age) and I can just about cope when it's term-time, but during these holidays I have been pushed to my limits.

I also have problems with them waking each other up. Also bedtime is a nightmare because one or the other kicks off.

I too think I am struggling with depression, I did see the GP earlier in the year and was taken off the contraceptive pill I was on, which helped. Until the holidays started.

How I normally cope is with a bit of childcare (we are lucky to afford it with me as a SAHM), and then I muddle through, I probably knock back a glass of wine too many and spend too much money on online shopping. I wouldn't call myself "happy". We do have some happy times though, especially when DH is around at weekends.

Can you get your free childcare entitlement for the 3yo?

I feel very strongly that I ought to get back to work to feel better, but have no idea what kind of job would allow me to fit around school hours as there is no way DH can help with the school run.

Two boy-toddlers sounds like a nightmare. I struggle with discipline with my DS. I really do think they need their Dads around.

Look after yourself - try to see the GP.

ladypop Tue 20-Aug-13 03:24:36

lucy thanks for replying to my post the other day! I would certainly second the idea of trying to work, if only for your sanity!
Our nursery is expensive and with the 2 of them being there from sept onwards it will be harder financially, but as a previous poster said, surely you would get help with the elder?
Anyway, work is my salvation! I think it will def help me when I go back in a couple of weeks. The nursery fees are worth every penny in this sense.
I obvs don't know your personal situation, but is there a way you could make it work?
brew & cake x

Kiwiinkits Tue 20-Aug-13 03:25:36

Really feeling for you Lucy. I too see work as my salvation. Thank god for the 1970s.

NapaCab Tue 20-Aug-13 03:25:40

It's hard work and very isolating being a SAHM with a toddler/s. I find it pretty depressing too and DH works long hours. What has helped for me recently is signing DS up for preschool 2 mornings a week - it's been a lifesaver! He is a year younger than the official preschool enrollment around here (typically turning 3 not 2) but he enjoys it and it keeps me sane. If I could work I would. Could you work part-time even? Don't forget that childcare is coming out of both your salaries not just yours so don't think it's costing you money to work!

I can't work as we live abroad and I don't have a working visa here but if I could work here I would, even just part- time. If you're not enjoying life as a SAHM your DSs won't be either. A happy mother makes for happy kids! I don't mean that in a critical way, just to say that you shouldn't feel guilty for finding ways to make yourself happy, whether it's some childcare or going back to work.

Kiwiinkits Tue 20-Aug-13 03:27:54

I suspect your DH doesn't NEED to work long hours and weekends too. He needs to make a conscious decision to step back and step into his son's lives. For your boys as much as for your sanity. And if he won't do that, then he has to be comfortable with you using childcare for at least 2-3 days a week.

Lottystar Tue 20-Aug-13 04:01:39

Hi Lucy, you're not alone. I have 2 boys aged 1 & 2. 13 months in between their ages so not far off from you but a year behind. My husband is military so he travels a lot and on top of that we have moved 3 times since 2012. It's a killer as I don't have family or close friends nearby, they're 3 hours away. Work is pretty impossible for me too as (a) cost of child care and (b) we move so much getting a job is really hard. Some days I really struggle and since being a military wife and having children I have lost my sense of identity and self-confidence. I try to go to baby / toddler groups and just hope as they get older they will become good company for one another and it will be easier to handle. My 2 year old starts nursery 2 days a week soon and not too long until he is covered by the 15hr scheme at 3 so the short-term cost is worth my sanity. It will financially be tough though. I just wanted to say that I feel your pain and although I love my boys more than life itself, being a full time Mum to two young children is incredibly hard xx

LongDivision Tue 20-Aug-13 22:19:22

Why don't you have the youngest sleep in your room until their sleeping patterns level out a bit (or some other sleeping arrangement)? Then at least you'd just have one to deal with in the morning and your older DS will get enough sleep. Also, your youngest may sleep longer if you're nearby.

diddle Wed 21-Aug-13 21:22:34

YEEEES!! Me, I do I know just how you feel, I have 3 boys all born in under 3 years, they are now 4, 5 & just turned 7. It is absolutely exhausting, they all wake up at 6.30, and then wake me up, no concept of volume in the morning at all. They can spend hours playing nicely, or wrestling and hurting each other, it varys. They often gang up on me and copy one another just to push my buttons, and i'm snappy a lot of the time.
I am finally getting some me time as our 4 yr old starts school in September, but the last few years have been hard work.. I can tell you it will improve and change as they get older and as you start to get some independence of your own, you'll really appreciate that time away from them and in turn appreciate them more.
stick with it hun and if you feel you're slipping into the path of depression, absolutely head to the docs, the first step is admitting you need help.

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