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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

If you had a DC who refused to poo on the loo...

29 replies

ConstantCraving · 30/07/2013 14:21

When did they get over fear of the loo? and how? DD is 3.9 and wees on the loo but can't / won't poo on it. She will hold on until she has a pull up on at night and then will poo in that. This has been going on since we potty trained her. Have tried 'poo goes to pooland', bribery, sticker charts, reading on the loo, blowing bubbles etc. She says it just doesn't 'feel' right and she's too little! Would love to hear any success stories...

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MrsGyllenhaal · 30/07/2013 14:25

My DS1 did exactly this! It's supposed to be a sign of a high IQ (at least I rad that somewhere and clung onto it because it was infuriating!)

Just after he turned 4 he got a tummy ache and I was able to explain it was because he'd held his poo in and he needed to go lt it out on the toilet instead of holding it in for night time. I'd explained this hundrds of times but for what ever reason, it just seemed to 'click' at this age. He went to the toilet, nervously at first but he got there. He's nearly 6 now and has not had any issues since.

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Sparklyboots · 30/07/2013 14:39

Watching with interest, my DS (2.7) just sat (happily) on the loo for 15 mins, after saying he needed a poo. Got off, saying it wouldn't come, but did one minutes later in his nappy. Just doesn't seem to like doing it on the loo - will wee happily but only recently even agreed to sitting on the toilet at poo time. We haven't pushed it at all - in fact let him lead the potty training (hence nappies at 2.7) - but I have a private little woody to myself about it. To him, I just comment that it's interesting he can notice for himself when he needs a poo because it means his body is getting ready to go nappy free, that it's normal to need to practice something a bit, and why don't we hop on the toilet tomorrow with a book before we put his nappy on? One thing that has occurred to me is that he feels a bit vulnerable or exposed - sort of like when you're at someone's house or a public loo and you can't lock the door? We have a step but it's tricky on and off, and he's liked his privacy for poos since he was tiny - would find a quiet corner and not let anyone near while he was going. So I'm not pushing anything but like you OP starting to wobble about my ' all children are motivated to be independent' line....

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Sparklyboots · 30/07/2013 14:42

*private little WORRY. Obvs my predictive speller thinks I'm some strange, poorly endowed deviant.

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atrcts · 30/07/2013 17:50

My son was happy to wee but not poo, so we bribed with chocolates. It went like this "well done for doing a wee wee, and if you do a big-boy poo then you can have a chocolate"!

He initially beamed and said "I have a chocolate" when he'd only pee'd, so we joked with him "nice try!!!! It's good, but the chocolate is only for a special poo".

Soon enough his love of chocolate won and for a little while we gave a daily treat of a reward. Soon we reduced the size from a lindt mini-rabbit to a minstrel, and then smarties. Eventually it became a sweetie and then he lost interest when routine changed on holiday and he forgot so it was nice and convenient.

Even now he's funny about a poo though. He demands full privacy "leave me ALONE!", but wants an audience when he wee's: "Mummy help me!", then "I do it!" when I try to help as requested

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mintyneb · 30/07/2013 18:03

The day I put the nappies away for good was the week before DD turned 5. She had completed most two terms of reception at school by then

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mintyneb · 30/07/2013 18:06

Oh forgot to say how she got over it! I've no idea but I think it was partly because I told her there was no way she was going back to any of her friends for tea until she could pop in the loo :-)

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mintyneb · 30/07/2013 18:08

Poo not pop!

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RalphGnu · 30/07/2013 18:10

at private little woody

DS is 3.5 and has only just got used to the loo, in fact he only became willing to sit on it when we got a new toilet seat last week he wanted to try. He also 'helped' me clean it a couple of times.

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georgedawes · 30/07/2013 18:13

My niece had same problem and my sis cracked it by giving her a nappy back to poo in, then getting her to poo on a potty with a nappy on, then gradually loosening the tabs, then just with nappy there not taped up and so on until nappy off. Seemed to help her to get used to the sensation.

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Debs75 · 30/07/2013 18:14

My nephew was the same he spent two years just using a nappy once a day for a poo!

One trick you can do is to let them have the nappy on but they have to sit on the toilet/potty. Then you cut a hole in the nappy so the poo leaves the body. For some kids it is the feeling of the poo dropping which they don't like. Once they get used to that you try without a nappy and see how they go.

Usuall bribery with chocolate can then resume

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jitterbug85 · 30/07/2013 18:15

this was a stixking point for me when training my lb. Only thing that finally got him to 'let go' was bribery. Each time he did one he got a kinder egg. It was only when he cottoned on and would pass lots of small poops over the day we had to rethink his reward and ended up cutting it down like the above poster.

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trinitybleu · 30/07/2013 18:15

My DD did one by accident I think but I made a huge fuss of her (sweets, rang Daddy at work, he brought a little gift home) and after that she was fine. Still demanded Haribo, but just phased that out!

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ConstantCraving · 30/07/2013 18:31

Wow! loads of replies - so glad its not just my DD . MrsG I'll hold onto the idea its a sign of a high IQ!
Have tried sitting on the loo in a pull up but to no avail. And chocolate bribery is no good as she is a resistant eater (this is another thread - but she is properly resistant so has an incredibly small repertoire of foods she'll eat - and sweets / choc aren't on her list).She loves Thomas the tank and is after a duplo Thomas which we've promised as a reward - but still no luck... it does seem the thing that most of you have had success with though so will have a think for anything else I can try with her..
Sparkly agree its a privacy thing - she's got a step and loo seat and likes to be alone for a wee but actively gets off if she feels a poo coming.
Minty THANK YOU - I know I should be horrified you said 5 years before you got rid of the nappies - but I'm strangely comforted!

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ConstantCraving · 30/07/2013 18:32

Just to clarify - I have tried DD sitting on the loo in a pull up - not me .

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gerbilsarefun · 30/07/2013 18:40

My dd2 potty trained really easily, but a short while later she decided she didn't want to poo in the potty/loo. She was 2.5 when I started potty training her. She used to ask for a nappy when she needed a poo, then go away to do it. I didn't make a fuss as I didn't want her to have issues like constipation. It lasted about 9 months and finally (with a bit of bribery - a promise of a new toy) she started going on the toilet.

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PolyesterBride · 30/07/2013 18:54

My DD got over her fear when she was doing a wee on the potty one day and started to poo unexpectedly. We made a real song and dance about it and gave her the special sticker or sweetie or whatever was reserved for a poo and just really praised her. So I think just wait for it to take her by surprise one day? If you give her loads of drinks one day then maybe that will help.

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mintyneb · 30/07/2013 19:31

Constant you are most definitely not on your own!! DDs story was a bit complicated but I remember vividly all the times I'd be out somewhere with her and I'd have to kneel on the floor of a cubicle of a public loo trying to put a nappy on and then worse still having to clean her up afterwards. Knowing that there was a toilet a mere 6 inches or so from where she was standing and if only SHE WOULD SIT ON IT life would have been so much better!

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mintyneb · 30/07/2013 19:37

We tried everything, from her choosing new knickers, filling a box with treats (that she chose herself!), reading "Poo goes to pooland" getting her to try and Poo in a nappy whilst sitting on the loo but she was not having it.

Once when she was not long turned 4 we were on a cross channel ferry and she was desperate to go. I'd left the nappies in the car so I tried to get her to use the loo but she clung to the edges of the cubicle terrified of even trying. Then she squirmed in agony for 20 mins or so back at our seats before accepting that she had no choice. The relief on her face was amazing! She went once more on the boat and once the first night at the hotel. But then she refused to try again and it was nearly a year before she even tried again!

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ouryve · 30/07/2013 19:41

It's probably sensory. It's a very different feeling pooing into a nice secure nappy than having it drop out of your bottom, accelerating towards the water.

DS1 was almost 8 before he would poo in the toilet reliably, even though he did his first wees on the loo at 2.5. He has ASD, so we didn't push him beyond readiness as he was always very distressed by accidents. When it became obvious that he was physiologically ready, we bribed him like crazy, setting very small targets.

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TheYamiOfYawn · 30/07/2013 19:42

DS is three and three quarters and asks for a nappy when he needs a poo. It's annoying, but I assume he'll get the hang of it eventually.

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mawbroon · 31/07/2013 01:30

Another one dealing with this. DS2 is 3.5yo and he finally started peeing on the potty a couple of weeks ago after months of protests if I even mentioned the damned thing. But, he absolutely refuses to poo on the potty at all, and like others on this thread, he holds it in until he has his night time pull up on. He told me that the potty is scary, so we took a permanent marker and drew a smiley face on the front of the potty. It worked in that he did do a poo, but it was microscopic and a while later, he let out a massive poo in his pull up!! He's got total control, I know he has, but there's something psychological stopping him.

This is all so different to ds1 who announced at 2.6yo that he was going to do a poo on the potty. I wasn't convinced, but goodness, actually he did do a poo on the potty and that was it. He cracked it in 2 days and was out of night time nappies two weeks later.

I thought ds2 would be easy like this too, but no.

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ConstantCraving · 31/07/2013 14:06

Mawbroon my first child was easy too - DD is a completely different kettle of fish! DD has control too - physically, and even more so mentally .
Minty I think yours and my DD's must have been separated at birth!
DD has constipation and is on movicol so does go regularly, but I think the whole issue is now a worry for her and pull-ups are easy and 'safe'.
I guess it's a question of finding the right bribe or waiting until she grows out of the fear and really wants to do it. Thanks again for the replies.

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TheGirlOnTheLanding · 31/07/2013 14:34

We had a similar problem and found two things helped for DD1. First was a really secure loo seat (the plastic insert type she hated as it wobbled - once we bought the type where the trainer seat was hinged into the big seat she felt much safer.) The other thing i am pretty sure was suggested on here: a bit of relaxation/distraction tactic once she was willing to give it a go but not quite producing the goods, as it were! Once she felt she needed a poo, she sat on the loo and we gave her a bottle of bubble mix to blow bubbles. Once she was focused on that task, and not all tense and clenched up, things could proceed. But they have to want to before you use this tactic I think. If they're set against the very idea you'll get nowhere.

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ConstantCraving · 31/07/2013 14:43

Thanks Girl the loo seat thing makes sense. I don't think she feels secure - so that may help.

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Magicrabbit · 31/07/2013 15:11

constant - I also went through this with my ds who we potty trained at 2.5 and 6 months later would still refuse to sit on the loo for a poo. He was exactly as your dd is, waited until bedtime every evening until a nappy was on and then did it straight away. I tried everything I could think of too, as per some suggestions on here but none worked. The problem came to a head unfortunately as he started to become constipated and we had a terrible few weeks when he'd be very very upset when trying to go. I gave him lactulose but it didn't really help, so the gp prescribed movicol. He started taking that to move things along and at the same time I started putting him on the loo every night. As a reward system I made up a goodie bag of toys and he could pick one from there every time he went. I bought cheap stuff from pound shops or charity shops. He loved it and despite chocolate not working, this did. There's no doubt that we had a few tough and upsetting weeks and things became worse before they became better. However, we got through it and after 3 or 4 poos on the loo we'd cracked it and it was never an issue again. It will resolve itself one way or another but I think they have to be ready themselves too. Good luck!