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at the end of my teather..

(15 Posts)
ditsydoll Sat 20-Jul-13 09:18:42

Dd is 4.5 and is terrified of anything that flys.
With having the windows night flies obviously come in and when we get up in the morning I have to get everything out of the house before she will come down, I have a 6 week old and its just getting ridiculous.
If theres a fly near or anything comes into the house she has a huge meltdown.
Iv tried everything from showing her the bugs to getting her to just close her eyes so thismorning I refused to do anything.
She was upstairs and wouldn't come down because there was a fly on the wall so I told her to just walk past it, she refused and started a screaming match (dad in bed after a night shift and newborn trying to sleep) but I stuck to my guns and wanted her to see she would be ok if she walked past (thought I could do a well done aren't u brave bit afterwards)
After half an hour of her screaming upstairs iv just lost my temper and carried her down the stairs kicking and screaming.
What can I do? I can't keep flies away from her at all times.

ThisIsYourSong Sat 20-Jul-13 09:39:44

Wow that sounds incredibly hard for you both. This is interesting. Although American so goes straight to 'therapy', it does sound like a trip to the GP would be a good idea.

Charingcrossbun Sat 20-Jul-13 09:42:51

Could you try plastic flies? I'm just wondering if the fear comes from the idea that they might move at any minute. If you had a plastic fly that you knew was not going to move you could ease her gently into walking past etc.... You could name it, she could have it as a pet in a jar....
At 4.5 I'd suggest there could also be a bit of wilful independence going on (these pesky kids). Just make sure that at all times flies are treated as funny things which should be outside rather than scary things that have to be killed...
Good luck!

ditsydoll Sat 20-Jul-13 09:56:10

That's a good idea charingcrossbun thank you. We never kill flies, I have tried the oh out you go silly fly bit, unfortunately her nan decided it was a good idea to get her a fly swatter without asking me so she could 'kill the scary flies' which I took off her and explained that we all have to live together as they are living creatures too etc etc
Thanks for the link thisisyoursong

ThisIsYourSong Sat 20-Jul-13 10:18:08

I guess it depends if you think it's an actual phobia or trying to get attention. DT1 was quite an anxious and fussy child and from about 2.5 started having massive tantrums / emotional meltdowns. I was convinced there was some reason behind it, but have recently done a parenting course and it turned out to be attention seeking behaviour (he is 3.8 now).

Anyway ignoring eventually did the trick for us BUT it was in conjunction with the rest of the course which is building self confidence, security etc. He's a much happier child now it's been sorted out.

ditsydoll Sat 20-Jul-13 10:25:52

How did it get sorted? My dd seems a really confident happy child but I can tell she's quite anxious and nervous really.
She's very bright for her age and over analyses everything.
She's very caring and sensitive and loving but won't cuddle or kiss anyone other than Dh and myself.
She's made lovely friends at nursery so no worries there.
I don't think it's a phase as such as its been ongoing since she was about 2 getting worse each summer

ThisIsYourSong Sat 20-Jul-13 10:38:33

I did an Incredible Years course, info [[ here]. It's an amazing course but aimed towards parents of children with behavioural difficulties of any kind - doesn't really sound like your DD does? ie. what you are saying sounds pretty normal to me apart from this issue.

ThisIsYourSong Sat 20-Jul-13 10:39:09


Yamyoid Sat 20-Jul-13 10:44:33

I was like your dd as a child, although not as bad. I think what helped me was our first holiday abroad - Greece. There were flies everywhere and I just had to deal with it.
A bit drastic and risky...
Sounds very tough, hope you can crack it.

ditsydoll Sat 20-Jul-13 10:53:59

I'm hoping she will just grow out of it, I was frightened of spiders as a child but you don't see spiders as often as flies. She doesn't seem bothered by other bugs, spiders Beatles and insects don't bother her, just anything with wings.

Carolra Sat 20-Jul-13 10:58:57

Marking a place here. My 18mo dd is scared of flies... It's not a massive problem at the moment but we have been wondering if she'll grow out of it. At nursery they've had to move her to a different room a couple of times because they've not been able to get rid of a fly in her room...

Needalifeagain Sat 20-Jul-13 11:17:56

My friends dd 2.5 is like this. They have bought a fly swatter which works wonderfully. All the other kids line up to use it!
Probably not what you wanted to hear!

NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown Sat 20-Jul-13 13:45:48

DS has been just like this lately (he's 2.6 and I don't think he noticed them last summer) with flies, moths and wasps - I'd go so far as to call it a panic attack, he screams, his heart beats madly through his chest, he can't breathe properly and he clings to me if I am close by. I have got him a book on bugs with a magnifying glass as he loves learning about stuff, the other thing I've been doing is encouraging him to take some deep breaths in through his nose, out through his mouth and making eye contact with me instead of seeking out the fly. I'm praising him hugely if he manages any sense of calm whilst obviously scared. I've also been explaining what happens in your body when you feel anxious and that you have to tell your body it's not an emergency. I suffer with anxiety and I'm pretty sure he does too. these techniques are starting to work for us. apparently a child needs to see you calmly modeling the correct behaviour something like 20 times before they understand they're not under threat, so I am trying to stay sympathetic and reassuring with lots of cuddles and praise. I read online somewhere (because I thought previously that the only natural fears were falling and loud noises) that a fear of bugs is one of the things that would keep our early ancestors alive and able to continue our species, those who were not afraid may not have made it to adulthood (not quite sure if flies were dangerous back then or what but it's reassuring) - I think remaining calm is key, show the behaviour you want to see because however silly or over-the-top it seems to us it is a very real fear to our children smile

ditsydoll Sat 20-Jul-13 14:15:48

That's exactly what I did with my dd at about that age but now at 4.5 its obviously no working on my dd. I feel so sorry for her because I know she's frightened but I can't be with her at all times to get rid of flies. She's starts school in Sept and I'm hoping she will be ok.

PuzzledBear Sat 20-Jul-13 14:33:32

My dd used to be like this. I talked about the flies as little characters, and she used to refer to 'my friend the fly'. She was still anxious, but it took the edge off it most of the time. She also used to pretend to be a frog, to see if she could scare them grin

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