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Clingy dd at 8months

(11 Posts)
jofeb04 Tue 06-Jun-06 18:57:12

My dd is 8months old, and will not allow me to leave her with anyone. She cries the minute my back is turned. I always say "I wont be long" etc, but its always the same. She is also like this with my dh.
However, I dont know what to do, at my wits end really, I think its more because my ds (now 2), was never like this.
How do you get anything done with a clingy baby?

Piggiesmum Tue 06-Jun-06 19:03:27

Hi Jo. Ds is 8 monthstoo and is just the same. I believe it's just a phase/seperation anxiety thing but quite honestly it's doing my head in and i feel so guilty about it too.

I have mastered the art of doing lots of things one handed but still can't get much done.

No advice just lots of sympathy

PrettyCandles Tue 06-Jun-06 19:18:23

Normal normal normal - so sorry! It's a phase that they go through, and there really isn't much you can do about it. At this age they've just realised that you're a separate person to them, but they don't yet understand that you will come back. The best thing to do is to give them the confidence that mummy (or daddy) is always there for them by not challenging them at this point. In a few months - maybe as little as one or two - you will be released again. Meantime, invest in a playpen or a ring-type sling so that they can be close to you whenever they need to be.

I'm not an attachment parenter, but think that some of the attachment stuff is very good, and this is one of the points at which I think attachment works better than strictness.

oops Tue 06-Jun-06 19:27:51

Message withdrawn

JessaJam Tue 06-Jun-06 19:30:06

DS is nearly 10 months and is very clingy towards DH at the moment...cries when DH leaves him in nursery and cries when DH hands him over to me in order to go to work/cook/toilet! Makes me feel great! Cue guilt and anxiety about being a WOHM!

jofeb04 Tue 06-Jun-06 19:34:28

Thanks you lot,
Is it best to keep her close to me then, or just let her cry?

FloatingOnTheMed Tue 06-Jun-06 19:39:17

Jo, my dd was exactly the same until really late, not long over a year. When she started crawling it got a bit better, but it wasn't really until i weaned her off the breast (completed by 14 mo) that i felt i could breathe again. I hardly got anything done during the day, i would have to do all housework/cooking in the evenings. And getting my own meals & eating them was a nightmare.
Nobody other than me looked after dd ever until she was over 1 yo (the only person i would've asked was my mum and she was against it, i think the fact i was bf scared her too much ie she wouldn't be able to give dd what she wanted if she started crying etc) so I know how absolutely draining it can be!

I think it is important to just make sure they know you'll be there for them. dd is now 2.9 & she is such a confident secure happy little girl, and happy to spend time with others. I was when she was a baby that my mum wouldn't help me out, but tbh in a way i am glad it has worked out the way it has because perhaps it has actually helped her now, that i was there 100% for her earlier on.

I tried separating gradually - i remember insisting on reading the paper for like 10 mins & ignoring the consequential tantrums (this was prob a little later, maybe even over 1 yo) & I have been determinedly watching Neighbours with no interruptions for quite a while now ( - that def was later!). Also I reckon if you're completely out of sight - if you do want someone else to look after her - don't worry too much cos usually children are fine when you're gone. Plus, in spite of what I've already said, if you do go on a regular basis, it will mean she learns that you always return, and her anxiety on you leaving should reduce.

FloatingOnTheMed Tue 06-Jun-06 19:40:30

Jo - i hated dd crying, i think i tried at any cost to prevent it. i was living with a friend at the time and she used to say "Just leave her sometimes, she'll get used to it!" but I just couldn't. I was an avid bf-er so used that for everything (food, comfort, sleep) although i really wished i could have found another way!

oops Tue 06-Jun-06 19:51:27

Message withdrawn

FloatingOnTheMed Tue 06-Jun-06 20:18:23

also, if you do hand him over to anyone else, don't make a fuss about it then saying goodbye or being concerned or anything, she'll only pick up on that too. I always gave a hug, kiss, said bye and mummy will be back <whenever> (of course this was when she understood!) and left decisively.

liath Tue 06-Jun-06 20:23:44

I got a hip carrier - a star buy as dd was like a limpet at this stage. I reckoned (well, hoped to God) that if I let her cling as much as she liked she'd be more secur long term.

She's much better now at 15 months, being mobile helps, but still a bit of a mummy's girl (which I secretly like anyway!). Realised the other day that I haven't needed the hip carrier in WEEKS .

Sounds like you're doing all the right things!

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