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Can anyone reassure me that clinginess at 4 months is OK?

(16 Posts)
emeraldgirl1 Fri 12-Jul-13 22:16:56

I am super-paranoid, I do know this!!!

But I am getting stressed out about DD's clinginess.

In the very early days she would go to anyone for a cuddle. At roughly 2ish and 3ish months she was still just about OK as long as I was nearby.

But now at 4 months she screams blue murder if anyone except me or DH try to cuddle her (and often she cries even if it is DH). Even if I am right there next to her, if anyone else is holding her, even my mum whom she knows pretty well now, her face crumples and she cries.

I do think there may be an element of teething? Does that cause clinginess?

But basically I am paranoid as I have this awful fear of her 'not liking' other people. My sister is a very anti-social person, hates people in general, and it has been a real problem for her in life. So I am paranoid that DD may be the same as her auntie sad I know it sounds stupid but DD also doesn't really seem to like being around, we meet up with my ante-natal group and a lot of the babies are happy lying next to each other gurgling a bit and DD is the one yelling and having to sit on my lap.

I am working myself up that she will never have any friends sad

I sound a bit mental, don't I? But all I ever wanted for her was a happy and confident life and I am getting stressed out that maybe she is showing early signs of not really liking people.

DH and I are not massive party animals at all but we do like people, IYSWIM.

She's only 4 months so maybe it's insane to even be thinking about this!!! It can be hard though when I take her out and about and nice old ladies/my friends try and peer into her pram/cuddle her and she just screams at them. I worry that she will still be doing the same thing when she is 4, and 14, and 24 (without the actual screaming, that is!!)

DH reckons it's separation anxiety but I thought that came at more like 6m onwards?

And/or teething?

Or is she just a grumpy little soul?

I should add that she is as cheery as anything when it's just me and her!!

Anyone else had a screamy/clingy baby, at any stage, who turned out to be happy and confident as a toddler/child?

emeraldgirl1 Fri 12-Jul-13 22:18:17

Sorry, I should have said DD doesn't really seem to like being around other babies, missed off the crucial words 'other babies' there!!

BrianTheMole Fri 12-Jul-13 22:20:36

Oh my ds was like that right up to 2.5yrs. People did actually question his seemingly extreme behaviour, but these days he's brilliant. Very chatty, confident and walks right into new situations without a second thought. I wouldn't worry too much.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer Fri 12-Jul-13 22:21:49

It's fine. They go through all sorts of phases and it's no indication of what they will be like as older children or adults. I think you are letting your family experiences worry you too much.

karinmaria Fri 12-Jul-13 22:25:27

My 3 month old is getting like this - he's still ok with others for now but only really relaxes with me. It's so frustrating for my DH as baby will be crying in his arms and then almost immediately start smiling with me. It's a bit weird but I guess he will grow out of it...

My sister was very shy and only liked being with my mum, dad and me for most of her early years. I remember her following me around at primary school! She's a very well adjusted and outgoing 25 year old now smile

Don't worry, it's just a phase.

emeraldgirl1 Fri 12-Jul-13 22:28:12

thanks everyone!

For sure I am letting my family experiences affect my judgement. I know it's silly. But DSis has never made a single friend in her life and I would never want that for DD.

I'm being nuts, aren't I? She's 4 months.

I blame the sleep deprivation smile

spacegirl81 Fri 12-Jul-13 22:32:16

Bless you! It is hard, am currently going through this with my 9 month old DS and 2.2 year old DS! It will pass...until the next time! smile

karinmaria Fri 12-Jul-13 22:32:42

You're being a bit nuts wink

But understandably so, considering your sister.

Your baby just wants her mum! Babies do that. I'm firmly in the school of thought that says the more love and reassurance you give your baby in the beginning, the more self assured they will become. So, if she's clingy now she'll understand you'll always be there for her and therefore be more confident later on. (Might be that I'm a big softie but hey ho!)

Nicknamegrief Fri 12-Jul-13 22:33:49

Very normal.

Do you have a smartphone, the wonder weeks app is cheap and very good at explaining these stages?

MrsFlorrick Fri 12-Jul-13 22:35:16

Yes absolutely ok!! Do not worry. smile

Your DD sounds just like mine. She wouldn't let anyone but mummy hold her until she was 9 months. She'd often cry at DH as well.

She is now 4 and not clinging or shy. Very confident and outgoing.

I know it feels hard when only you will do. But enjoy the cuddles. I had such a special time with my clingon baby.

My DS was nothing like it. Would get squirmy and want down on playmat or in bouncy chair after a few mins. And happy to be handed to anyone.

Funny how they are different.

emeraldgirl1 Fri 12-Jul-13 22:38:21

thanks again!!
Yes, have heard a bit about this wonder weeks thing... will check it out!

Nicknamegrief Fri 12-Jul-13 23:27:48

I've had the book for years and have always recommended that (I work with babies) but the app is very useful and at 1.49 a fraction of the cost with the bulk of the information.

It essentially describes the phases a baby goes thorough and tells you about clingy phases, unsettled periods etc. It's not a how to book more of a what to expect.

Good luck

alto1 Fri 12-Jul-13 23:51:08

Not only ok but a little ahead of milestones.

It is healthy and normal for babies to be clingy around 4-5 months. They are just realising that people are not all interchangeable, Mummy is the same person every day and they are starting to form real attachments. So they become selective, they prefer close ppl to others.

Once they've sorted it out in their heads they become everybody's friend again. Doesn't mean they won't be sociable and it doesn't hurt at all to give them what they want, stick close and not pass them around during this stage.

neolara Fri 12-Jul-13 23:53:33

My dd2 was like this from about 4 months to 2 1/2. She is now one of the most gregarious 3 year olds I know - very socially confident and outgoing.

antimatter Fri 12-Jul-13 23:53:46

my dd was like that, it used to upset in-laws smile
she just matured earlier than other babies

she turned to be quite shy but we worked on her confidence by sending her to various activities and now she can sing solos in am dram musicals!
and plays solos in concerts

ThatsSoVanquish Sat 13-Jul-13 10:17:28

It's normal. She has started to realise important you and Daddy are. That's a good thing. You want her to be attached to you.

Relationships with other people will come later.

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