123 magic discipline method??(16 Posts)
Hi all, I bought the book 123 magic recently with the plan to use it with my little girl. Had anyone any experience of using this method with an 19 month old?? The book states it's from age 2 ideally, but that it can be used to some degree from 18 months. My dd is a spirited little girl and is definately needing some boundaries and consequences when she behaves badly. Looking for other people experiences of using this book with a young child??? My main concern is the book advices the counting 123, then time out/consequence for whining and tantrums. This is a behaviour my dd displays many many times a day! And I'd love to adopt a standardised way to respond that will eventually reduce the frequency of this behaviour!!! But, at the moment if I used the books methods every time she whines/tantrums shed be forever in time out!!! Is this ok at the beginning or is it too much for a 19 month old to understand. But gut instinct is 'no', she has a brilliant understanding of language and I think with lots of repetition she'll 'get it.' I'd just like to hear from others who have used books advice. If anyone has any advice or would like to share there experience that would be fab!
I haven't read the book but have been using the method with my 2.6yo ds recently and it works a treat. I've never evenhad to give him the consequence, he just understood it instantly from my tone of voice and does what i ask by 3. Weird, but it works. It wouldn't have worked at 19mo though I don't think. They're still babies then really, not really deliberately naughty just learning and impulsive. Btw, my ds is notoriously wilfully disobedient and stubborn. If it can work on him it can work on any child!
We've been using it from.at least 18 months.
Depending on what DD is doing we either just count or give a consequence and count. Generally just counting for something minor.
Apart from the odd occasion when she has just said "4, 5, 6 ..." it seems to work well. And even that diffuses the situation and her behaviour.
I wouldn't use this method at any age, but especially not for younger than two. Actually tantrums are a healthy way that children release frustration and express emotion, so not something they should be punished for.
At 18 months view can understand what you say but they are really only learning about behaviour. I don't think you should be looking to punish at that age at all.
What are the 'problems' you wish to correct at this age?
You want to give a consequence to your extremely young child for having feelings and not yet having the emotional maturity to express them like an adult would???
What do you class as 'behaving badly' for a 19mo? Tantrums etc are developmentally important, not bad behaviour.
I don't believe in timeouts for "tantrums", I feel they are our toddlers way of expressing themselves, and often, the only they have of doing so. Either that, or it is because they are so frustrated they are unable to tell you why.
Would you like to be dismissed/sent away for having feelings you can't control?
Yes, should have said I don't use 123 for tantrums, I use it when he doesn't do things, like getting into his car seat. As I've said, purely counting to 3 is enough without consequences. That said, mine is now old enough to understand certain things like hitting and biting is wrong. On those occasions he goes straight to time out anyway. I don't think I've ever used it for anything less severe than that.
I'll try to explain; if she is doing something wrong; like hitting, snatching toys, throwing toys and I say 'no' she then has a tantrum and carries on doing it. So it's not the tantrum I'm punishing as such, but the behaviour surrounding it. I understand tantrums are normal and a way of expressing feelings, but I want to tackle the bad behaviour.
'Swich' bad behaviour from 19 month old; hitting, pushing, kicking, throwing stuff around house, not listening, so continually climbing on table after I've said no; that sort of thing. I know this stuff is normal and a developmental stage they all go through. But that doesn't mean she shouldn't be corrected IMO. I'm considering 123 because it stops me asking/ nagging continually. Stops me getting frustrated and shouting. Thought it might be a way of dealing with these calmly.
I think 1,2,3 magic is brilliant, but for older kids. I'd use it with my nearly 4 year old now, but I wouldn't have used it 6 months ago because I don't think she had the cognitive development to really understand it. At just a really basic level, she couldn't count! So the whole thing of using numbers as warnings wouldn't really have worked. She also didn't have enough language to understand too much explanation.
I think Toddler Taming is the best book for 19month olds. It starts by explaining what is reasonable to expect from children at each developmental stage which I found incredibly helpful e.g. 15 months - just exploring, no understanding whatsoever of consequences, no common sense at all; 18 months - still very, very limited understanding of consequences; 2 1/2 - a tiny bit of common sense coming in etc. It helps to understand what strategies are appropriate for each age and stage.
Thanks, ok, I'll have a look at toddler taming. Agree that 123 sounded better for older kids, just wondered if anyone had adapted the principles for a younger child. But maybe best to pop book in drawer for time being, maybe look at again in 6 months or so.
We have been counting for a while but I only read this book recently. We don't do it how they suggest - doesn't seem quite right for a two year old. For starters we count to five to give plenty of time, and in fact we do count to get her to do things. And we never use time out, just consequences. Two almost daily examples: "I am going to count to five, if you don't stop fiddling with that I will take it away" or "if you don't come and lie on the change mat I will come and get you and put you on the changemat". We don't count to stop whingeing or tantrums - I can't see how that would work to be honest.
It's for older children, at 18 months their brain isn't developed enough in the frontal cortex to understand consequences. They can't yet do the kind of thought process that goes 'if I do this, this will happen so I won't do it'. It implies too much planning and concepts of cause & effect/ temporal awareness. A four year old can understand this, and for them it would be a food method.
Although sometimes if they don't stop doing something dangerous or annoying you do just have to take it or them away, at any age. I know my 19 mo doesn't relate the cause to the effect. He doesn't even get cross with me for taking things away, just cross that they've gone.
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