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bit worried about ds's tantrums.

(21 Posts)
ruty Sun 04-Jun-06 14:03:33

I know tantrums are normal and everything but very recently 21 month ds has just become so difficult with so many things. He is a lovely happy boy usually, and always very friendly to other adults and children. He has also always had his angry moments, but recently these moments have just gone over the top. Typical, I'm sure, but what worries me a bit is that he has never, ever, let me brush his teeth without an almighty fight, same with cutting his nails, and as for cutting his hair, you can forget it, I'm in danger of gouging out an eye as he wrestlees me and dh for the scissors. and now he is starting to fight us just to put a nappy on or dress. So every nappy change is a terrible tantrum and fierce fight, he is so strong, and every taking off/putting clothes on is similar. I'm at my wits end to know what to do about it, i've tried distraction, and calming him, and though dh did get angry at him once i explained that wasn't going to help - but ds just goes purple in the face and screams when we try to do any of these things. Is it just a phase? Or could it be anything else? Any advice much appreciated.

ruty Sun 04-Jun-06 14:04:55

oh yes and if we try to pick him up when he doesn't want to leave somewhere he has started hitting dh or me in the face, and sometimes hits himself in the face. It is awful. Thankfully he is still [so far] sweet to other children.

Twiglett Sun 04-Jun-06 14:10:58

phase .. totally normal phase .. deep breath .. ride it out

he's just realising he can have his own ideas about things

I used to pitch DS upside down behind me as I sat on a couch and lock him there under my arm so I could wrestle his trousers on

ruty Sun 04-Jun-06 14:13:05

thanks Twiglett - we are thinking about trying for another one but I'm worried about getting kicked in the stomach repeatedly [as he does now] while I change his nappies!

psychomum5 Sun 04-Jun-06 14:19:56

sounds like a normal phase, like twiglett has said.

you will need lots of deep breaths and counting to tens for the next while yet, but they do calm down (promise) altho then they hit the next phase and the next!!!!

if you are worried about the nappy changes, can you change him from the side at all, will solve the kicking as he can't then!

sypathy tho, as I been there and done that 5 times now....

I now on the hormone and preteen tantrums and would willingly go back to the terrible twos anyday! Mind, I do have a 3yr old who currently is suffering from what we fondly call LSS (little shit syndrome)

ruty Sun 04-Jun-06 14:34:50

thanks psychomum - thing is about nappy changes is that he wriggles round and has a martial arts expertise in kicking me from every angle. I was just worried about him being so hyper sensitive about everything. Today we also had a sun cream fight - dh holding him down and me rubbing in cream while he screamed and kicked. Phew.

FrayedKnot Sun 04-Jun-06 14:47:11

Totally normal!

DS is 2.2 and is over that stage now thank goodness, so just think, it might only last 2-3 months!

Stand him up for nappy changes, and get some pull ups?

Give him prized toys to hold at critical moments.

Get him to do as much as he can to help getting dressed (standing up holding on putting feet into trousers etc).

Get him to cut your nails, brush your teeth, etc, at the same time? DS loves to "cut" my nails. Recently I discovered doing tarzan impressiosn when brushing gets him to open his mouth nice & wide

For hair cuts sit him in his highchair with some chocolate, and get the scissors out

HTH!

cat64 Sun 04-Jun-06 15:20:04

Message withdrawn

psychomum5 Sun 04-Jun-06 15:24:29

for the suncream right, but LOL about the 'martial arts extpertise' during nappy changes

I do promise tho, give him a few days and there will be yet more 'fight's', and then you'll probably find he calms dwon again and then finds new things......

phases phases phases, don'cha just hate em???

tallmummy Sun 04-Jun-06 16:02:07

My ds3 has just entered this phase but quite late on as he'll be 3 next month. His latest favourite is to try and strangle me whilst screaming I want my Daddy at the top of his lungs. He did it in the middle of Brighton on a family day out from hell last week. I shoved him under my arm and carried him through the lanes back to the car kicking and screaming and shut him in the car to calm down. Just read 123 magic but not had energy to try it yet.

mustrunmore Sun 04-Jun-06 16:07:55

I have nothing helpful to add, except that I feel sooo much better after reading this
Ds1 is 2.5 and a nightmare, except for his Dad, then he's an angel Partly hus age, partly the new baby, partly refusing a daytime nap. He's gone for one today... a real rarity... but only after an hour of hitting me and screaming 'I'm George, I've come to hit you'. I think he's either possessed by the devil or schizophrenic. No idea where the name George came from.

ruty Sun 04-Jun-06 16:12:27

ooh thanks for tips and stories - makes me feel much better! i was starting to think i was doing something wrong and raising a wild child [which i probably am] Didn't help that we took him to that hellpit ToysRUs today to get a tricycle and of course he wanted everything off the shelves. Won't be going there again in a hurry. Sympathy about the strangling tallmummy, it may only be a matter of time before ds tries it out!

BettySpaghetti Sun 04-Jun-06 16:21:38

We're currently having battles at bathtime with our nearly 2 yr old. He used to love baths and for no reason that we can see he now screams blu-murder every time. I just keep repeating that mantrs " its a phase.....its a phase...."

He also wouldn't let the dentist anywhere near him when they had theit check-ups this week but I can understand that as I don't like the dentist anywhere near me either

ruty Sun 04-Jun-06 16:26:44

the dentist? Not if the dentist wanted to keep his fingers.

katiebl Sun 04-Jun-06 19:37:20

I change my ds standing up, while he plays at his activity table (standing on changing mat), it has made nappy changing so much easier.

Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads Sun 04-Jun-06 19:42:47

ds1 likes an electric toothbrush strangely enough, could never get him to use a normal one. At 21 monthds I;d give him the chance to do a bit himself.

Nails- do when he's asleep.

Leaving somewhere- give a warnig, ds3 doesn't quitr understand that yet, but works a treat with ds1 (who is like a toddler in lots of ways).

hiarcut- is there anything that will focus his attention? when ds1 was little I took him to a hairdresserd that showed videos. after moving down here a friend came to cut his hair. For a while choc buttons would focus his attention enough not to notice, in the end we ended up standing on the street with him peering in her car. Then that stopped working, so now I get school to do it he he.

manitz Sun 04-Jun-06 20:24:44

mine are naked, scratchy and have an odd lopsided cut. this is so normal that even my cuz's angelic child is doign it - nicked my glasses and gave me a thump as we tried to leave swings today

i do everything on the run with dd2 and she is mostly naked since the weather has turned good. cut her fringe with two snips yesterday as she made her escape and it looks quite arty. defo do nails asleep and have you tried clippers? i found scissors a bit scary personally.

sparklemagic Sun 04-Jun-06 21:00:13

definitely go over to pull up nappies, my ds was changed standing up from very early on! It's a bit more of a struggle to get a really good clean going on after a poo but it is possible and it's certainly easier than trying to pin down a wriggling boy.

Does he 'role play' at all, pretend to be other characters, firemen or whatever? I used to relate my DS' clothes to whatever he was into at the time eg "come on bus driver, you can't dirve that bus without your uniform on" etc etc....my DS was never interested in getting himself dressed, would not have been impressed if I'd said "you put your leg in" etc so this really saved my life. He nearly always complied with dressing if it was part of his game.

haircuts - I'd leave it to grow!

And yes it really will pass, as Twiglett says they are realising at this age that they have their own opinions on things, and they feel them so strongly..keep calm when he is driving you mad and just try to be creative with the ways you get around him, nothing works forever....

ruty Sun 04-Jun-06 22:30:14

thanks for these tips. Jimjams - he did brush his teeth tonight actually -he didn't do a bad job either - i did his back ones briefly afterwards and that made the crying much shorter. We do nappy changes standing up as much as possible - often works, but sometims` he is just determined to stay starkers. We have cut his hair in a similar way manitz - just two snips to the fringe with blunt scissors - and long and curly at the back! We do use clippers for nails but he still puts up a fuss. Just hope it is a phase - sometimes other children seem so laid back and i worry he is too hyper or hyper-sensitive, I don't know.

ruty Sun 04-Jun-06 22:31:05

don't think he gets role play yet sparklemagic, but may try it later!

yawningmonster Mon 05-Jun-06 10:56:41

Ds is also hyper sensitive, nails/hair/nappies/cleaning up after food/dressing/wrong spoon in the porridge you name it. I think it is just life with a toddler unfortunately. DS has been like this since 13mths and is now 20mths so I can totally sympathise. Best tactics for my ds is to involve him as much as possible, he can reach his nappies/wipes/bibs/flannels etc and I encourage him to take as active role as possible. I have a selection of extremely cheap toys that only come out at nappy change/hair cut time. I do nails while he sleeps. Currently slapping and kicking us and has just started to do so with other children -oh the joys so we are trying to support him through this learning curve also. Will also just add that last time we had his hair cut...
He sat in front of a huge fish tank with a tray of goodies including snacks/ finger puppets/ toys/ and books. I had to hold him still anyway with him screaming and writhing so much one of the other people there asked us to stop and double check we hadnt actually cut him (we hadnt but that was the type of to do he was making of it) Had it buzz cut so took about 15mins (would have taken five if he had held still) and we left both covered in hair from head to toe with him demanding the snacks that he had vehemently decided were utterly awful 2minutes before.

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