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Advice needed on 2year, 9 month old boy - Seems to be behind in development

(30 Posts)
Carly3869 Mon 01-Jul-13 21:04:40

Hey there, I've been worrying inside about my 2 year, 9 month old son for about 3 months now and it's started to upset me when I think about it so advice / reassurance needed! Here goes, I know alot of people will say don't compare children etc but the difference between my son and my friends son of exactly the same age is unbelievable. We met up today and her son fully talks in sentences, is potty trained, can walk properly, ride a scooter, wash hands, brushes teeth, listens to her etc etc - Whereas my son seems so young and immature for his age, his talking is developing slowly and is improving so not too concerned about that, I've tried potty training him but shows no interest whatsoever and don't feel he could do it yet as lack of communication, can't pull pants down, no concentration - I still have to use reins on him or he just falls over - Getting him dressed, teeth, hair wash is a constant battle - Doesn't listen or respond to me when I talk to him - He is very clingy to me also which is nice but doesn't really want anyone else - I just feel like he's a year younger than he is - There's no way he could cope with a nursery environment yet - I guess I just want to hear that it is normal behaviour and that he's just different to other children - I don't feel there's anything mentally or physically wrong with him, it's like he can't be bothered with anything other than what he wants to do, loves playing trains, computer etc - Wont look at a book - Sorry rambling now. Any thoughts welcome, thanks xx

rundontwalk Sat 06-Jul-13 08:28:41

Am also shocked by the 'boys are lazy' comment! I had that a lot-he wasn't,he was hugely delayed,working bloody hard to do even half of what his peers were doing & early intervention has been invaluable.

I'm really glad she was able to reassure you & it sounds like your ds is able to do lots of things. He is obviously a bright cookie!

Sometimes not liking swings can be connected to sensory issues,but he may just not like swings! I don't!

What you are looking to see developing is your ds leading communication-pointing at things unprompted etc. That shared attention.

None of us want to think there might be something 'wrong' & there most likely isn't with your ds. Can I just very gently advise you to keep an eye on things & go with your gut feeling? & if you have concerns,go & see your gp.

Paribus Sat 06-Jul-13 01:04:13

Carly, did HV actually say "the boys are just lazy"?????? Wow. Just wow. This is... I am trying to find a word... simply not true. And misleading.
I was asking if he follows when you randomly point to something- that's social interaction and ability to cooperate. Great that he follows commands, does he follow two-three word command ("find a tail of the horse" , "bring a red book and put it on the table?"). How does he ask for things? Does he point? Does he do pretend play? No babbling is not very good, but can mean nothing in isolation, crawling is very good smile. How many words does he have in total including sound imitations? Any phrases?
If I were you, I would go further to the GP or private SLT. I would be reluctant to trust HV who in all seriousness says things like "boys are just lazy".

Carly3869 Fri 05-Jul-13 22:39:00

Thanks for all the messages. I visited the HV and she said he seemed absolutely fine. Did a few 'tests' on him and she gathered that he knew exactly what she was asking. She was showing him flashcards and one was of a seagull, but said bird underneath, she asked what's this and he replied 'Seagull' - I almost cried! Asked him to draw a line and he drew a zig zag line then said 'zig zag' - Almost like he was showing off! Weight, height etc was all following line as it always has been. She just mentioned that he may just have a speech explosion and will just start talking all the time as sometimes boys are a bit lazy! Feel alot better now, going to keep up with the potty training and then when he turns 3, the odd morning at nursery for socialisation. Thanks everyone!
In response to Paribus;
Yes he does respond if I say 'Can you hear the aeroplane?' - He'll then say yes and look up for it. Also follows instructions such as tuck teddies in for bed, brush teddies teeth, go and get your ball from your bedroom, get your cup out of the cupboard etc! Will not go near a swing though?! Any idea on that? No babbling really but crawled for about 4 months solid? Thanks

Paribus Wed 03-Jul-13 23:32:06

OP, when you call his name, does he respond? When you say smth like "look, a doggie!" and point it out to him- will he follow your gaze? How about pretend play- feed a bear, put a dolly to sleep- does he do it? Does he follow commands- simple ones ("bring a jumper") and a bit more complicated ("bring a red book and put it on the table")? Apart from hating to wash hair/teeth- anything else? Does he like swings? Is he interested in peers? Did he babble/crawl?

musicmaiden Wed 03-Jul-13 09:06:58

WRT nursery, sessions for AM or PM would be a good first start, and he'll get some free at age 3 anyway. In my experience they won't generally be too worried about potty training until 3 and will work with you to train him. Plus seeing other kids 'in action' might be the impetus he needs (in all ways).

It sounds like he is just too preoccupied to answer questions, as is common this age. Try simple 'two choices' questions or visual cues to encourage responses?

My DS is terrible for looking where he is going, still! If I were you I'd lose the reins now and try and get him to hold your hand instead - easier said, I know!

FWIW my DS was much the same at this age, poor speech, not potty trained etc, and just past 3 just suddenly accelerated in development until now he's pretty much indistinguishable from his peers. He had glue ear and still needs speech therapy but doing well. The development between 3 and 4 is huge.

But if you are worried, do chase up expert help.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Wed 03-Jul-13 08:37:43

Also, have his ears checked...just to be sure he's not got glue ear like Ledkrs's very common.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Wed 03-Jul-13 08:36:23

It depends on the nursery but he will get some free sessions when he turns three so I would ring round your local ones now so that you can go on any waiting lists they might have.

My friend has just sent her 3 year old to nursery for three mornings a week and he is not potty trained, they're fine with it...used to it in fact and they told her not to worry about it until he is settled as it would be too much change.

My friend (and I!) were very worried about nursery too Carly, it's hard seeing your baby go off without you, but it's good preparation for school and most kids love it. He'll get to do a lot of fun stuff and be near other DC. Many don't play with others until they're approaching 4 years old...but just to be around them is great for them.

If I were you I would try to potty train now so that in 3 months when he is eligible for his free place, that's one less worry.

Carly3869 Wed 03-Jul-13 08:00:10

I am considering it so he can become a little more socialable but don't know anything about nurseries - Do they do a few hours or is it a morning or afternoon session? Or just depends on the nursery? Also where he is not potty trained? I've had a word with myself and think its me that doesn't want him to go rather than him! Control freak mummy! X

Ledkr Wed 03-Jul-13 07:52:05

Just to second not dismissing nursery.
Dd had a cleft repair and glue ear so is a little bit slow with communication and very young for her age too.
She is 2.5 and started two mornings at nursery a few weeks ago.
The progress she has made is remarkable and she is now coming on in leaps and bounds.

Carly3869 Wed 03-Jul-13 07:15:43

Just an update; Popped into children's centre yesterday and arrange to see HV on Thursday. Quickly spoke with her and she said that I was focusing on all the things he hasn't quite got and not celebrating what he has learnt. She asked me what I thought he was really good at and my reply was he can swim really well and can build a wooden train track from scratch. Just made me think! Maybe we do focus on things that don't matter and they will all get it in time. Wise words. Have a good day all x

rundontwalk Wed 03-Jul-13 01:03:05

I would certainly see a Dr / Hv just to rule out anything like glue ear. It's good that he is understanding you-it could be that he's too absorbed in what he's doing to 'hear' you. Maybe try saying his name first to get his attention? Def don't worry about the potty training bit yet

geologygirl Wed 03-Jul-13 00:54:02

Nursery really helps with development actually. The children learn from each other and become very social and confident etc. It does them the world of good. Your ds sounds normal though to be honest.

PJM18 Wed 03-Jul-13 00:37:17

Hi. I have 3 boys and they were all potty trained just before their 3rd birthday. I tried to do it earlier but they just weren't ready. I think everything sounds fine and once his speech comes on bit you will be able to communicate better with him.

Threewindmills Tue 02-Jul-13 20:47:56

I would see a HV - if they have concerns ask for a referral to see a developmental paedatrician

But honestly - they are so different at this age.

FWIW - my dc was only really properly trained at 4. Concentration can be improved by jigsaws/puzzles/lowering TV

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Tue 02-Jul-13 08:45:15

That's good advice from Annabel because the earlier you do find or eliminate any issues, the sooner they can be resolved. Speech therapy can begin quite early.

Annabel7 Tue 02-Jul-13 07:57:12

My little boy is same age and similar. We are 'in the system' and the areas that the paediatrician highlighted for concern were speech (he is having speech therapy) and mobility (he is double jointed so all taking a bit longer for him and been encouraged to keep him really active as building muscle will help).

Anyway, my advice is to ask your HV to refer him to a paediatrician then they can check. At least that way, they can either put your mind at rest or ensure he's getting the support he needs.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Tue 02-Jul-13 07:41:49

I agree that many boys are a bit this way inclined but I would also urge you to listen to your instincts and take him to see a health visitor....mainly because of what you said about him not listening or responding when you talk to him....or you could see the GP, tell him about your worries and have his hearing checked.

Glue ear can cause all manner of problems and often goes undetected.

Carly3869 Tue 02-Jul-13 06:25:34

Thanks for all your replies. Mean so much. So nice to hear that youre little ones are similar and that they do just start talking in sentences quickly. In response to musicmaiden; in regards to his walking, I mean that if he walks off he will not look where he is going, gets distracted and walks into a wall or trips up or just runs off. Sorry I should have been clearer. With his talking, he understands everything but when I call his name, ask him a question, etc he will just ignore me. I know he can hear as he will hear tiny noises and say 'aeroplane outside' or 'cat upstairs' etc - I'm definitely going to see hv to put my mind at rest. Have a good day everyone

LunaticFringe Tue 02-Jul-13 01:50:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

howcomes Tue 02-Jul-13 01:13:40

Honestly think most of what you say sounds normal. My ds is 3.2 yrs old and only started to speak in sentences on his third birthday, it's like a switch went on and he talks all the time now smile
He is also clingy and shy. We are just starting potty training and he struggles with getting undressed. Every kid is different and he is still so little. In a couple of years they will no doubt be level pegging. Being happy and healthy is the main thing!

howcomes Tue 02-Jul-13 01:08:35

Honestly th

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Tue 02-Jul-13 00:36:38

I would suggest you call the clinic and ask for a different hv to visit you at home. The clinic wont be the best environment to speak about your concerns.

SimLondon Mon 01-Jul-13 23:43:15

The average age for boys to be potty trained is 3.0 - someone else's child will always be quicker but they all get there :-)

musicmaiden Mon 01-Jul-13 23:10:21

When you say 'falls over', do you mean he doesn't look where he is going and trips? If he is not actually able to walk properly, that needs more investigation.

And when you say 'he doesn't listen/respond', do you mean he won't follow a conversation, or do you mean he won't respond to a direct question? The latter is more of a concern than the former, I'd say. And worth getting his hearing checked, maybe.

musicmaiden Mon 01-Jul-13 22:58:56

He sounds fine to me, to be honest. A lot of boys aren't ready for potty training at this age. And you say his speech is improving steadily, so that's good. Some kids are more disciplined than others at walking, it will come (my nearly 4yo still sometimes won't hold my hand etc and runs off in shops, it's just a game to him. Likewise he can still be a pain about dressing, hair washing etc!)
Talk to a GP or HV again if you are worried, of course.

I wouldn't dismiss nursery either, despite his clinginess. DS, a slow developer, has really come on in all areas, but especially confidence, thanks to his attendance.

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