Advice needed on 2year, 9 month old boy - Seems to be behind in development

[Carly3869]

Hey there, I've been worrying inside about my 2 year, 9 month old son for about 3 months now and it's started to upset me when I think about it so advice / reassurance needed! Here goes, I know alot of people will say don't compare children etc but the difference between my son and my friends son of exactly the same age is unbelievable. We met up today and her son fully talks in sentences, is potty trained, can walk properly, ride a scooter, wash hands, brushes teeth, listens to her etc etc - Whereas my son seems so young and immature for his age, his talking is developing slowly and is improving so not too concerned about that, I've tried potty training him but shows no interest whatsoever and don't feel he could do it yet as lack of communication, can't pull pants down, no concentration - I still have to use reins on him or he just falls over - Getting him dressed, teeth, hair wash is a constant battle - Doesn't listen or respond to me when I talk to him - He is very clingy to me also which is nice but doesn't really want anyone else - I just feel like he's a year younger than he is - There's no way he could cope with a nursery environment yet - I guess I just want to hear that it is normal behaviour and that he's just different to other children - I don't feel there's anything mentally or physically wrong with him, it's like he can't be bothered with anything other than what he wants to do, loves playing trains, computer etc - Wont look at a book - Sorry rambling now. Any thoughts welcome, thanks xx

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Have you seen a HV recently? Could you ask to see her and slk about your concerns? If the HV is difficult to get hold of I'd try the GP. It could all be within the range of normal but its probably bet to check

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Sorry for the typos

[Carly3869]

We had the two year check and she did all the usual tests and was quite happy with him. Maybe ill just go to the drop in clinic, thanks for your message.

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

I would say that fluent talking and being potty trained is at the upper end, well from my experience anyway. Dd could barely speak till she was 2 and wasn't potty trained either. She is absolutey fine

[musicmaiden]

He sounds fine to me, to be honest. A lot of boys aren't ready for potty training at this age. And you say his speech is improving steadily, so that's good. Some kids are more disciplined than others at walking, it will come (my nearly 4yo still sometimes won't hold my hand etc and runs off in shops, it's just a game to him. Likewise he can still be a pain about dressing, hair washing etc!)
Talk to a GP or HV again if you are worried, of course.

I wouldn't dismiss nursery either, despite his clinginess. DS, a slow developer, has really come on in all areas, but especially confidence, thanks to his attendance.

[musicmaiden]

When you say 'falls over', do you mean he doesn't look where he is going and trips? If he is not actually able to walk properly, that needs more investigation.

And when you say 'he doesn't listen/respond', do you mean he won't follow a conversation, or do you mean he won't respond to a direct question? The latter is more of a concern than the former, I'd say. And worth getting his hearing checked, maybe.

[SimLondon]

The average age for boys to be potty trained is 3.0 - someone else's child will always be quicker but they all get there :-)

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

I would suggest you call the clinic and ask for a different hv to visit you at home. The clinic wont be the best environment to speak about your concerns.

[howcomes]

Honestly th

[howcomes]

Honestly think most of what you say sounds normal. My ds is 3.2 yrs old and only started to speak in sentences on his third birthday, it's like a switch went on and he talks all the time now :)
He is also clingy and shy. We are just starting potty training and he struggles with getting undressed. Every kid is different and he is still so little. In a couple of years they will no doubt be level pegging. Being happy and healthy is the main thing!

[Carly3869]

Thanks for all your replies. Mean so much. So nice to hear that youre little ones are similar and that they do just start talking in sentences quickly. In response to musicmaiden; in regards to his walking, I mean that if he walks off he will not look where he is going, gets distracted and walks into a wall or trips up or just runs off. Sorry I should have been clearer. With his talking, he understands everything but when I call his name, ask him a question, etc he will just ignore me. I know he can hear as he will hear tiny noises and say 'aeroplane outside' or 'cat upstairs' etc - I'm definitely going to see hv to put my mind at rest. Have a good day everyone

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

I agree that many boys are a bit this way inclined but I would also urge you to listen to your instincts and take him to see a health visitor....mainly because of what you said about him not listening or responding when you talk to him....or you could see the GP, tell him about your worries and have his hearing checked.

Glue ear can cause all manner of problems and often goes undetected.

[Annabel7]

My little boy is same age and similar. We are 'in the system' and the areas that the paediatrician highlighted for concern were speech (he is having speech therapy) and mobility (he is double jointed so all taking a bit longer for him and been encouraged to keep him really active as building muscle will help).

Anyway, my advice is to ask your HV to refer him to a paediatrician then they can check. At least that way, they can either put your mind at rest or ensure he's getting the support he needs.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

That's good advice from Annabel because the earlier you do find or eliminate any issues, the sooner they can be resolved. Speech therapy can begin quite early.

[Threewindmills]

I would see a HV - if they have concerns ask for a referral to see a developmental paedatrician

But honestly - they are so different at this age.

FWIW - my dc was only really properly trained at 4. Concentration can be improved by jigsaws/puzzles/lowering TV

[PJM18]

Hi. I have 3 boys and they were all potty trained just before their 3rd birthday. I tried to do it earlier but they just weren't ready. I think everything sounds fine and once his speech comes on bit you will be able to communicate better with him.

[geologygirl]

Nursery really helps with development actually. The children learn from each other and become very social and confident etc. It does them the world of good. Your ds sounds normal though to be honest.

[rundontwalk]

I would certainly see a Dr / Hv just to rule out anything like glue ear. It's good that he is understanding you-it could be that he's too absorbed in what he's doing to 'hear' you. Maybe try saying his name first to get his attention? Def don't worry about the potty training bit yet

[Carly3869]

Just an update; Popped into children's centre yesterday and arrange to see HV on Thursday. Quickly spoke with her and she said that I was focusing on all the things he hasn't quite got and not celebrating what he has learnt. She asked me what I thought he was really good at and my reply was he can swim really well and can build a wooden train track from scratch. Just made me think! Maybe we do focus on things that don't matter and they will all get it in time. Wise words. Have a good day all x

[Ledkr]

Just to second not dismissing nursery.
Dd had a cleft repair and glue ear so is a little bit slow with communication and very young for her age too.
She is 2.5 and started two mornings at nursery a few weeks ago.
The progress she has made is remarkable and she is now coming on in leaps and bounds.

[Carly3869]

I am considering it so he can become a little more socialable but don't know anything about nurseries - Do they do a few hours or is it a morning or afternoon session? Or just depends on the nursery? Also where he is not potty trained? I've had a word with myself and think its me that doesn't want him to go rather than him! Control freak mummy! X

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

It depends on the nursery but he will get some free sessions when he turns three so I would ring round your local ones now so that you can go on any waiting lists they might have.

My friend has just sent her 3 year old to nursery for three mornings a week and he is not potty trained, they're fine with it...used to it in fact and they told her not to worry about it until he is settled as it would be too much change.

My friend (and I!) were very worried about nursery too Carly, it's hard seeing your baby go off without you, but it's good preparation for school and most kids love it. He'll get to do a lot of fun stuff and be near other DC. Many don't play with others until they're approaching 4 years old...but just to be around them is great for them.

If I were you I would try to potty train now so that in 3 months when he is eligible for his free place, that's one less worry.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

Also, have his ears checked...just to be sure he's not got glue ear like Ledkrs DD...it's very common.

[musicmaiden]

WRT nursery, sessions for AM or PM would be a good first start, and he'll get some free at age 3 anyway. In my experience they won't generally be too worried about potty training until 3 and will work with you to train him. Plus seeing other kids 'in action' might be the impetus he needs (in all ways).

It sounds like he is just too preoccupied to answer questions, as is common this age. Try simple 'two choices' questions or visual cues to encourage responses?

My DS is terrible for looking where he is going, still! If I were you I'd lose the reins now and try and get him to hold your hand instead - easier said, I know!

FWIW my DS was much the same at this age, poor speech, not potty trained etc, and just past 3 just suddenly accelerated in development until now he's pretty much indistinguishable from his peers. He had glue ear and still needs speech therapy but doing well. The development between 3 and 4 is huge.

But if you are worried, do chase up expert help.