DD has just turned 3. We've tried toilet training on a couple of occasions before but it didn't go particularly well so we left it. We've been trying again now for two weeks and I'm concerned that it's just not going anywhere.
She's in 3 different environments during the week. At home with DH and I at weekends, we ask her every 20 minutes or so if she needs to go. Sometimes she'll say no, sometimes yes. If we bring her to the loo she'll happily sit on it but not do anything, and have an accident 5 minutes later. I haven't seen her wee or poo in the loo at all, not once.
With her grandparents (for two days a week), she asks to go every 15 or 20 minutes but again doesn't actually use the loo, just has accidents.
In creche (3 days a week), she doesn't ask to go. She holds everything in for as long as she can, then might wee in her nappy at nap time or ask to go and actually use the loo once but then have accidents for the rest of the afternoon. She has done wees in the loo there apparently but gets through 6-8 pairs of pants and leggings a day.
She's starting to tell us she's tired or she doesn't feel well when we mention the loo. She's fine the rest of the time - this is always a signal that she's not happy with something. She's worried about her accidents and keeps apologising (she's never been given out to for them). Yesterday she told me she doesn't like having accidents but 'sometimes the wee just comes out'.
The creche are worried that holding wee in for so long could be bad for her - she might not go from the time she gets out of her overnight nappy (around 7) till 3pm.
With no improvement in 2 weeks, and DD getting unhappy with it all, I'm inclined to let it go. I know she's 3 but she's always been slow to hit physical milestones (rolled at 11 months, crawled at 13 months, walked at 18 months) and I'm wondering if she's really ready?
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Toilet training not going well
CrazyOldCatLady · 27/06/2013 15:14
Ahhh bless her, she sounds like a lovely little girl. If you think she genuinely can't control her bladder, then don't feel pressured into potty training just cause she's hit the magic age of 3! It must be dreadful for her to be trying and always failing at this. However, some children of this age are perfectly capable and do have bladder control, but choose to pee whenever and wherever out of laziness or for attention. I always view this type of situation as a behaviour issue and would deal with completely differently. But it sounds like your little girl is not doing this . You know her best; If you feel she's really trying, but is not able, then of course leave it for a couple of months and try again. There's way too much pressure on parents to potty train at certain ages, rather than listen to the child IMO. If she's very verbal, you could always ask her what she wants; do you want to
Keep trying or have nappies again? And for re trying potty training, maybe leave that to her as well. Maybe every couple of weeks say; 'remember to tell mummy when you want to say goodbye to nappies' explain to her that she can choose when she wants to do it. You may find she wakes up one day and decides she's ready. Then it'll be easy peasy! Best if luck 
I would put her in pull ups and sit her on the loo when she wakes, before bed and when you go during the day. I never asked ds if he needed to go, just took him to the loo and if he went then big praise, of not then no big deal. She'll get it eventually
My DS has now "potty trained himself" literally days ago, after I though he would never ever train. He has been on the later side with pretty much everything developmental, but very rapidly catching up. He was only just ready physically and mentally, at nearly 3.9. We've been really low key about it all, since I've heard that constant asking and reminding is counter-productive (as you have also found) - if DC is ready he/she will feel the urge and take themselves to the toilet/potty without constant reminders (which can invite resistance in some DC prone to stubbornness or anxiety).
We just started the whole process by not putting a nappy on after baths some months ago, and seeing how he got on. First he could only stay dry if bare bottomed, but then we occasionally tried him with just soft, baggy longjohn type leggings on (he still doesn't particularly like pants, and the snugness of pants makes him forget he is not wearing a nappy) and when he started to be able to go for a long time without accidents in those, I just put him into trousers all day without a nappy. I only give one simple reminder at the start of the day: "remember you need to go to the potty now, because you're not wearing a nappy". In all of our gradual potty training we've only had 2 or 3 wees on the floor. IMO it's easier for both parents and DC to wait until DC is ready. That said, people successfully implement all sorts of approaches.
DS still wants a nappy for poos, though. Apparently that is normal, and there's a gradual approach you can use for "weaning", so will do that once we're further along the road.He also has a nappy for sleep, but that is normal at this age, as well. His nappy is always soaking in the morning, so will wait until he seems to be able to hold it better to try nights without nappies.
I guess what I'm saying is that she knows what the potty/toilet is for and that adults and big kids use it - she will do it when she is ready. Relax - I promise it'll happen. Maybe leave her bare bottomed when it's nice and warm and see if she takes herself to the loo/potty, and take it from there..
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