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Toilet training not going well

(12 Posts)
CrazyOldCatLady Thu 27-Jun-13 15:14:20

DD has just turned 3. We've tried toilet training on a couple of occasions before but it didn't go particularly well so we left it. We've been trying again now for two weeks and I'm concerned that it's just not going anywhere.

She's in 3 different environments during the week. At home with DH and I at weekends, we ask her every 20 minutes or so if she needs to go. Sometimes she'll say no, sometimes yes. If we bring her to the loo she'll happily sit on it but not do anything, and have an accident 5 minutes later. I haven't seen her wee or poo in the loo at all, not once.

With her grandparents (for two days a week), she asks to go every 15 or 20 minutes but again doesn't actually use the loo, just has accidents.

In creche (3 days a week), she doesn't ask to go. She holds everything in for as long as she can, then might wee in her nappy at nap time or ask to go and actually use the loo once but then have accidents for the rest of the afternoon. She has done wees in the loo there apparently but gets through 6-8 pairs of pants and leggings a day.

She's starting to tell us she's tired or she doesn't feel well when we mention the loo. She's fine the rest of the time - this is always a signal that she's not happy with something. She's worried about her accidents and keeps apologising (she's never been given out to for them). Yesterday she told me she doesn't like having accidents but 'sometimes the wee just comes out'.

The creche are worried that holding wee in for so long could be bad for her - she might not go from the time she gets out of her overnight nappy (around 7) till 3pm.

With no improvement in 2 weeks, and DD getting unhappy with it all, I'm inclined to let it go. I know she's 3 but she's always been slow to hit physical milestones (rolled at 11 months, crawled at 13 months, walked at 18 months) and I'm wondering if she's really ready?

coronalover Thu 27-Jun-13 15:35:41

Ah poor girl, I'd give her the option of going back into nappies for the time being. It sounds like it's making her miserable. You can always try again in a few months.

Seb101 Thu 27-Jun-13 15:40:10

Ahhh bless her, she sounds like a lovely little girl. If you think she genuinely can't control her bladder, then don't feel pressured into potty training just cause she's hit the magic age of 3! It must be dreadful for her to be trying and always failing at this. However, some children of this age are perfectly capable and do have bladder control, but choose to pee whenever and wherever out of laziness or for attention. I always view this type of situation as a behaviour issue and would deal with completely differently. But it sounds like your little girl is not doing this . You know her best; If you feel she's really trying, but is not able, then of course leave it for a couple of months and try again. There's way too much pressure on parents to potty train at certain ages, rather than listen to the child IMO. If she's very verbal, you could always ask her what she wants; do you want to
Keep trying or have nappies again? And for re trying potty training, maybe leave that to her as well. Maybe every couple of weeks say; 'remember to tell mummy when you want to say goodbye to nappies' explain to her that she can choose when she wants to do it. You may find she wakes up one day and decides she's ready. Then it'll be easy peasy! Best if luck grin

CrazyOldCatLady Thu 27-Jun-13 15:46:36

I think she wants to go back. It's not an attention thing, she's a little sweetheart and genuinely upset when she has an accident. There's no way she's doing it on purpose.

To be honest it's my parents who are pushing for this; they think that just because she's clever in some ways (talking to her you'd easily believe she was 5) that she should be able for everything. They think that she's not handing it now because I've let it go for too long, and that I should have pushed her harder earlier.

I'm really inclined to leave it again, and give her another couple of months. I know DH would agree with me. Making her sad over it isn't constructive at all.

CrazyOldCatLady Thu 27-Jun-13 15:47:34


Madratlady Thu 27-Jun-13 15:58:52

Would those pull up nappy pants be a suitable alternative to nappies? So that she has the protection from accidents but still wears pants?

That might be totally useless advice though since i have no DC yet.

CrazyOldCatLady Thu 27-Jun-13 16:03:20

Yes, she prefers pullups to nappies, so she wears those at night. So she wouldn't be going back to being a baby completely - that would be important.

valiumredhead Thu 27-Jun-13 16:06:40

I would put her in pull ups and sit her on the loo when she wakes, before bed and when you go during the day. I never asked ds if he needed to go, just took him to the loo and if he went then big praise, of not then no big deal. She'll get it eventuallysmile

CrazyOldCatLady Thu 27-Jun-13 16:11:11

Grand, valium, that sounds like a compromise and a plan : )

valiumredhead Thu 27-Jun-13 16:12:58

I think by stopping the asking, you help remove any pressure she might be feeling.

Fizzypop001 Thu 27-Jun-13 16:29:49

My son was potty trained at 3 and a half give a few more months and ignore what other people say. You know your child best and may be putting her off by putting too much pressure on her

ToysRLuv Thu 27-Jun-13 17:34:30

My DS has now "potty trained himself" literally days ago, after I though he would never ever train. He has been on the later side with pretty much everything developmental, but very rapidly catching up. He was only just ready physically and mentally, at nearly 3.9. We've been really low key about it all, since I've heard that constant asking and reminding is counter-productive (as you have also found) - if DC is ready he/she will feel the urge and take themselves to the toilet/potty without constant reminders (which can invite resistance in some DC prone to stubbornness or anxiety).

We just started the whole process by not putting a nappy on after baths some months ago, and seeing how he got on. First he could only stay dry if bare bottomed, but then we occasionally tried him with just soft, baggy longjohn type leggings on (he still doesn't particularly like pants, and the snugness of pants makes him forget he is not wearing a nappy) and when he started to be able to go for a long time without accidents in those, I just put him into trousers all day without a nappy. I only give one simple reminder at the start of the day: "remember you need to go to the potty now, because you're not wearing a nappy". In all of our gradual potty training we've only had 2 or 3 wees on the floor. IMO it's easier for both parents and DC to wait until DC is ready. That said, people successfully implement all sorts of approaches.

DS still wants a nappy for poos, though. Apparently that is normal, and there's a gradual approach you can use for "weaning", so will do that once we're further along the road.He also has a nappy for sleep, but that is normal at this age, as well. His nappy is always soaking in the morning, so will wait until he seems to be able to hold it better to try nights without nappies.

I guess what I'm saying is that she knows what the potty/toilet is for and that adults and big kids use it - she will do it when she is ready. Relax - I promise it'll happen. Maybe leave her bare bottomed when it's nice and warm and see if she takes herself to the loo/potty, and take it from there.. smile

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