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Small boys, rough play and being kept in at playtime...

(169 Posts)
Pantone363 Tue 11-Jun-13 23:16:10

Ok I want honest opinions (OP you are a twat and in the wrong are fine grin).

I had a phone call after school today from DS teacher regarding an incident yesterday.

DS and some other children were playing tag (although more likely the grab each others coats swinging them round kind of tag). Some girls were playing too. DS caught one girl and pushed/pulled her to the ground (there's no evidence today she wasn't playing along doing the same thing to the boys). The girl then says that DS and 3 other boys kicked her whilst she was on the floor. DS admits pulling her to the ground but says he didn't kick her.

All 4 boys have lost their lunchtimes today and tomorrow and then breaktime for the next two days.

I have a few problems with this

1. She was playing along fine, if it was my DD I'd be telling her not to play tag with the boys if she can't suck it up if they get a bit rough.

2. DS swears blind he didn't kick her

3. Nobody else saw the kicking, theres no evidence other than this girls report to her mother.

4. Where were the playground staff?

5. I can't see that keeping 4 boisterous 5 yr old boys in all day is going to help anyone.

I've made DS write the girl a card saying sorry for pulling her over.

Am I being a job for thinking this is poorly handled and just point the finger at the rough naughty boys?

Pantone363 Tue 11-Jun-13 23:17:25

Typos. Typos. Typos.

Nob not job!

spiritedaway Tue 11-Jun-13 23:23:38

I really don't like that comment about a girl not playing with the boys in case it gets a bit rough and she can't suck it up. . maybe your boy should be told he shouldn't play physical games if he can't suck up the punishment for getting a bit rough

pictish Tue 11-Jun-13 23:26:10

Hmm...I think you have let the school make the judgement on this one I'm afraid.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Tue 11-Jun-13 23:30:04

I also am disgusted by your comment about the boys being "too rough" since WHEN was it the girl's fault??? It is not the victim's fault OP. Your DS pulled her down and the others kicked her. They were all wrong and if you ask me one missed playtime was mild.

Please think about the way you are teaching your son to regard girls...I can only hope you didn't allow him to think it was her fault in any way.

Cluffyflump Tue 11-Jun-13 23:32:59

I think you need to suck it up tbh.
They are all still small and are learning how to behave acceptably in the playground/life in general.
The school needs to let them know how wrong it is to hurt others (even if your son is normaly lovely!) or all hell would break lose.

BabiesAreLikeBuses Tue 11-Jun-13 23:33:36

Playground staff can't be everywhere. Even if he didn't kick pushing to the floor is rough enough for punishment BUT given their age an exclusion of one lunchtime should have been enough, unless there were previous offences!

Pantone363 Tue 11-Jun-13 23:35:41

My DD knows the boys play rough. She can stand there and watch them. If she then chooses to join in is it then fair for her to complain she doesn't like the way they are playing? They should change the way they are enjoying playing because she's decided to play and doesn't like it?

Equally if the girls are playing a game and DS joins in and starts annoying or being too rough i'd tell him to stop playing and go and find something else to do.

Argue about it all you like but generally boys do play rougher than girls, if they want to join in knowing that, then they should be told to suck it up.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Tue 11-Jun-13 23:37:03

Pantone pushing a person over and then kicking them is not playing.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Tue 11-Jun-13 23:38:31

And no. Boys do not "generally" do anything....because they're all different. And as I said before, if you go about allowing boys to think it's ok to push girls or boys over and kick them because "that's how we are playing" then you will end up with big problems.

Pantone363 Tue 11-Jun-13 23:39:07

I'm not going to complain to the school about the punishment. I just don't think that all their behaviour should be curtailed to the gentlest child's liking.

I'm not talking about the kicking which is OBVIOUSLY a step too far, but the general rough and rumble, running around and rolling on the floor that is banned in case one child doesn't like it.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Tue 11-Jun-13 23:41:04

Fuck me! So only "the gentlest child" wouldn't enjoy being pushed over and kicked by 3 boys???? What are you on? She complained about being pushed over and kicked NOT about the gentle rough and "tumble" but about being kicked! Don't try to mix your messages up. You said in your OP you could take it if you're being a twat. Well you are.

Pantone363 Tue 11-Jun-13 23:42:02

Nonsense. Look around any playground. The majority of boys are running around like loons, chasing each other, rolling around, jumping on each other and generally being boisterous.

If any other child willingly joins in (boy or girl) it's fair for them to complain they don't like it when they get hurt?

steppemum Tue 11-Jun-13 23:42:39

I agree with a couple of things you said:

1. there is dispute over the kicking, I would be reluctant to punish a child if I didn't know for sure the incident had taken place, but the teacher had to make a judgement call over who was telling the truth here.

2. Keeping boys in for play and lunch always seems to be a punishment for the teacher as much as the kids!

But if they did kick, that is a very different things to being pulled over during tag, and deserves serious response from school.
Kids (often boys) do play rough, but they have to learn that at school they have to moderate their play. In the playground they have to consider others who are less 'physical' in their play and smaller than they are. That may mean they can't be as free as they would be elsewhere.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Tue 11-Jun-13 23:42:59

Nonsense yourself. You go about with your head and your child in a bubble of "Well it's our right" and see where you get in larger society. In trouble most likely.

Pantone363 Tue 11-Jun-13 23:44:29

No I get the feeling I may be being a twat grin

I'm not trying to be obtuse but some boys, SOME boys like rough and tumble, pulling each other around games. Joining in with that and then complaining seems unfair. I'm not talking about the kicking. DS didn't kick her and would be in a world of trouble if he did.

steppemum Tue 11-Jun-13 23:48:10

I agree some boys do like the whole rough and tumble thing. But they are not free to do it at school.

At ds previous school, they had a great field and they boys loved to rough and tumble in the summer, but in the end they banned it, and put in strict limits, because one or two boys could not self moderate what was acceptable and kids got hurt.
School said do it at home in the garden, not in the playground

BabiesAreLikeBuses Tue 11-Jun-13 23:48:37

You can't have children playing rough at school. Often there are groups of kids, primarily boys, who do this aged 3-5, if the school is anything like ours it is stamped all over early on. I'd describe my ds as a physical boy, has lots of energy, likes rough and tumble at home with family... But i know of several kids at school that he won't play with as they are 'too rough' and frequently get in trouble for it (and he hates being told off).
Do you want other kids to be scared of yours?

pictish Tue 11-Jun-13 23:49:56

I have two sons and I can assure you that neither of them would ever, or have ever, enjoyed being kicked or pulled to the ground! I have a daughter too, and she doesn't like it either.
They are not gentle children. They are very ordinary.

You need to think again.

Pantone363 Tue 11-Jun-13 23:54:18

I agree school is not the appropriate place for rough and tumble. DS loves it, it's all he ever wants to do with his Dad and he has been spoken to before re play fighting at school. Not because anyone got hurt but because this "core" group of boys were always playing the same rolling around on the floor chasing each other game (on the school field).

Actually, reading all this has made me realise that DS probably does need a stronger word about not rough playing at school and keeping it at home instead.

Pantone363 Tue 11-Jun-13 23:56:15

Pulling and kicking are very emotive words though. It's more chasing each other and rolling around on the ground when they catch each other. They are only 5 yr old boys!

pictish Tue 11-Jun-13 23:57:19

He pushed/pulled/forced her to the ground though. She clearly did not enjoy it.

Come on. The behaviour itself is common enough, but it is not to be encouraged or overlooked. We take every opportunity to teach kindness and respect do we not?

It is certainly not this girl's fault that she was forced to the ground and kicked. Those boys chose to do that, and your son had a hand in it.

It's not the end of the world by any means, but don't be justifying his behaviour to yourself.

5madthings Tue 11-Jun-13 23:57:37

You absolutely cannot excuse rough play as boys being boys.

He needs to learn NOT to push people over and kicking is never OK, tho I appreciate there are no witnesses to the kicking.

I have four boys and a girl and I would not accept this behavior from any of them.

I do think the punishment seems harsh as they are only in reception, my ds4 is five and in reception and they are still learning and can get carried away. That being said if the three boys did kick her when she had been pulled over that is not OK and deserves a harsh punishment.

pictish Tue 11-Jun-13 23:59:29

The school have done well to chastise.

pictish Wed 12-Jun-13 00:02:46

And they will be taking into account their age too. They are tots really...but again my ds2...he's 5 and I can't imagine him doing this - he's not a rough player. If he did I'd back the school up.
There's nothing wrong in discouraging a repeat performance.

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