2 YO swimming lessons - is it the case you have to be cruel to be kind with forcing her underwater?(55 Posts)
Any advice on this?
DD is nearly 2.5. We have been doing swimming lessons for several months. She has always hated going underwater or getting her face wet. She's gone through a couple of phases where she has screamed through the whole lesson pretty much and it's directly related to fear of going underwater and she chokes every time she goes underwater and has cried afterwards. She seems to slowly build up confidence again whilst I don't put her underwater but then as soon as she thinks I might she goes back to square one with being scared and crying through the lessons.
I'm feeling like an awful mother about this. My gut instinct is to not put her under the water at all and keep her happy and build her confidence and in time she'll learn to swim, and if she never likes putting her head under water then it doesn't matter, she'll just swim doggy paddle forever more. She won't win swimming galas but then who cares about that... However, my swimming teacher is strongly of the position that I need to be cruel to be kind and in the long run it's the best thing for her just forcing her in as it will make her a more confident swimmer in the long term and by me saying no to her going underwater I'm stifling her progress and ability.
I know you posted a few years ago, but was just wondering what you did in the end please?
We are going through a very similar situation with my 2 years 3 month old. He's been swimming since 5 months but has always hated going underwater. He finally seemed to start enjoying lessons recently, though not the underwater part, but we've just been moved up a class to where he's supposed to go in the water alone, but it's caused more distress than ever & i've ended up back in the water with him but he still cries throughout. Having said that our last lesson was better, no screaming just some crying.
It's also got to the point where he's having nightmares about it & when I go in to settle him he says 'I don't want to go underwater'. I'm petrified of traumatising him but am keen for him to swim. We go for fun swims a few times a week too but the lessons are distressing for both of us & I'm so confused as to what the right thing to do is, especially when he seemed better last lesson, yet still continues to have these nightmares & worries.
You do not have to be cruel to be kind, no.
What you have described is very obviously cruel.
Like a previous poster mentioned 'water boarding', what you have described is not unlike water torture.
Obviously the teacher has made you doubt your instincts.
Trust your instincts on this one, and don't continue to do something to a child, which a) isn't necessary and b) is making her shake with fear.
To be honest I really don't get why you would do this. Yes, children need to learn to swim, but at 2??? We have our own swimming pool, but none of my three learnt to swim until about 4 and a half. Before that they wore arm bands and enjoyed every minute of freely zooming around the pool (with head firmly above water!). At 4 ish they developed enough confidence to swim - and wanted to. DS (now 4.3) just learnt about 3 weeks ago and within a week of being arm band free was swimming like a little fish, diving down to pick up sinkers from the bottom of the pool. Let her be, let her enjoy the water, there is plenty of time to learn.
My daughter hated it too.
We encouraged her to blow bubbles in the bath by putting her face under water and she will do it now.
I agree with the general consensus. Don't water-board an unwilling toddler.
We stopped lessons for DC1 around 2yo as she started to be scared of the water due to the continual forced dunking.
Now slowly resuming (she has just finished Reception year at school) but the fear is still there.
We have done lots of fun swimming in the meantime but I am so angry about our decision to follow the previous lessons. We spent a fortune.
Our swimming teacher used to do this. And it made me really uncomfortable. So I found a new place with different teachers and they seem to have a whole different method and ethos which I much prefer. I'd try a different swim school.
Just seen this. No way should a child of any age be forced under water, This happend to my DH at school. It frightened him and put him completely off swimming. He. didn't learn to swim until he was 40. He's now 53 and still doesn't like getting his face wet.
We tried baby swim sessions at vast cost (£10 session in heated to 36-37 oC special (tiny) hydrotherapy pool), where they went under water etc from about 12 weeks old and LO always hated it. We stopped at end of the 10 week course as she clearly hated it and it had cost us £100. She has never enjoyed swimming really - we desperately wanted her to as we are both swimmers and I swam early on, and think it is a useful skill, but it never worked for our child. Have taken her a few times since then on and off over the last few years (she is almost 3 now) and she is still not keen. I would suggest paddling pool//baby pool and splashing with lots of toys etc just for fun. This ours will do for limited time - she gets more out of it if there are lots of other kids there also doing the same, and she seems to enjoy it more but she is still not mad keen (just about tolerates half hour of fun with inflatables etc and it costs me £4.50 as I pay for me even though I am not swimming!) so we dont go very often as Id rather spend my one day off a week with her doing something she actually enjoys. I asked people whose kids have supposedly been "swimming since they were babies, and at vast expense too, and it turns out that they dont actually begin to swim lengths by themselves till around school age anyway. Simply arent capable physically of doing more than splashing about/floating till then it seems, so cant see any benefit if they are not enjoying it, might as well wait till school.. I went to toddler groups with my mum but didnt really swim till school age yet then swam at various clubs and at junior league level and am still a strong swimmer today
I think the mistake we made was to assume that one size fits all. Waterbabies-type sessions whey they start very young (few weeks old) and go under water straight away etc just dont work for everyone.
I've got to get something off my chest. I went to the swimming pool last week and there was a mum with an 18 mo todder, the toddler could speak a bit, and the mum kept on insisting that she will put her head under water. I could see that the mum was very friendly and nice but your child keeps on saying NO and was getting upset and crying. I just wanted to say please please don't put her head under water! I have two boys, one who is a daulphin and has always loved putting his head under water, and the other one who didn't do it until he was 6 and about a year of lessons. They are now 7 and 8 and can swim really well. I think that forcing a child do put head under water is not productive, she might become even more scared (and stubborn!).
Teacher is wrong - no child should be forced to do this and it is a good way to put her off swimming for life.
Leave it a bit, take her to a shallow learners' pool and let her get confident at her own pace (if swimming hasn't been ruined forever for her already).
My DTs (3 1/2 now) learnt to swim at a learner pool over this winter - lots of visits, got some dive sticks and goggles - they love it and hey presto can swim a width no problems.
My friend teaches adults who are afraid of the water. It's caused by people like this teacher
Just have fun with her - don't force her to do anything op
I had this a few months ago with a cover teacher (DS2 is 2,9) and she was telling me quite firmly that he had to go under the water. I was confident enough because he was my third it point out to her that I had never forced the other two and they were swimming well by the time they started school. Then, last week he decided to disappear himself and can now swim a few strokes, I honestly believe if I had forced him under water then he wouldn't be doing that now.
Also, with regards to swimming galas, DS1 was a lot slower to have swimming confidence but as a result listened and concentrated rather than messing around and diving under water and is now a very good swimmer.
i have never heard of forcing a baby to do this. I have lifeguard son who manages pools and is a swimming teacher, a dil swimming teacher and dd and niece who are trained to teach babies and under 7s.
Not only would I stop paying this person I would question her qualification and make a complaint to the pool or organisation she works for.
I must say that my dd2 and most kids I know who were born where we live were swimming independently by age 2 1/2 so swimming before 4 is possible and the norm here. Swimming is as natural as going to the park after school and every house has a pool, many are unfenced. Learning to swim here is as natural as learning to walk or ride a bike. However I appreciate that in the uk where swimming is less frequent and water hazards are less frequent, it's not as vital to learn to swim early on.
Regardless of age and location, water should be respected and enjoyed safely.
I am a swimming teacher specializing in teaching pre schoolers (from 6 months to 5 years) to swim. Your post makes my blood run cold and I would start running from your swimming teacher and not stop. No child should ever go under water unwillingly. Please don't send your child to another lesson with this
teacher woman. Long standing fear of water may result.
The twos are an age where fear of water is common and we use many many methods to help children gain confidence and overcome that. I live in a hot country where pools are everywhere, swimming young is the norm and most kids swim every day so its important to learn water safety and swimming from a young age.
I have helped children through this successfully, it can take months and progress isn't regular or linear but it works. We start by washing faces in the pool, putting our chins in, blowing bubbles, submerging up to our noses, dunking our ears to see if we can hear underwater, singing with our lips in the water, hundreds of little games with fun and encouragement. I even took an empty ice cream tub to one lesson with a fearful 3 year old, we had a chat about her favourite ice cream, what it felt like and tasted like before we filled the tub with water from the pool and touched it, played with it, imagined it was ice cream and eventually put our mouths in it to blow bubbles etc. it's a really long road but its built with small baby steps over hours of lessons sometimes. 6 months later, that 3 year old was diving and swimming 3 strokes, all with her face in the water.
It isn't necessary to swim with your face in the water but 2 year olds don't have the neck muscles to swim with their faces out of the water yet so most little ones are taught to swim face in, then lift head to breathe around 3 years old and beyond.
Please cancel all future lessons and let your dd enjoy water with her face out of the water for a long time before even attempting another lesson. If it were me, I would be reporting the teacher to her qualifying body too.
How ridiculous. Why does a 2 year old need to go under water? She's not going to be able to learn to actually swim til 4ish, so she should just enjoy splashing around in the water now.
DD is 6, has been doing lessons for 6 months, can now swim. I really don't think they need lessons at your DDs age.
DS was properly phobic of water. We didn't take himfor a year, left it till he was 3, then took him to a local pool, kids pool with wide steps. Gave him a toy watering can and let him sit on the steps and take it at his own pace. It took a while but he loves it now.
Really I see the main point of swimming lessons as teaching your child how not to drown. You can teach them a pretty good grasp of this without the face going under I think
'She won't win swimming galas'???
Bloody hell, she's 2.5! Why force misery on a 2.5 year old? Or anyone else for that matter. You wouldn't like to be so small and vulnerable and terrified your beloved mother is going to dunk you underwater, would you?
I was dunked underwater. I was pushed in. My mother made swimming a misery. I hate swimming, absolutely loathe it. Never go near a pool. THAT is the result of turning swimming into a horrible experience. If it's important to you that she likes the water, let her enjoy it for heavens sake.
Sorry if I'm sounding harsh but really, I cannot for the life of me grasp the logic of parents who think 'life skills' such as swimming must be obtained regardless of how the child feels. They have YEARS to learn this stuff.
Stop the lessons. It's being cruel if she hates it that much. There is plenty of time to learn to swim.
If she really enjoys the lessons, I'd carry on but have a firm word with the teacher and say that you've given it some thought and decided that, for the time being, you will not be putting your DD under the water.
DS had weekly swimming lessons from when he was tiny to about 3.5. His confidence was fine but he was never too keen on going under the water. We stopped at 3.5 as I had to go back to work but started again when he was 5 with after school lessons when he goes in by himself. He's had a couple of terms of those and his confidence has sky-rocketed. He's got no problem going underwater now, in fact he loves it!
Your DD will probably get it if she's given the opportunity to do it in her own time.
to be fair the teacher sounds like a right twat....i understand what she is saying, but she must also realise that scaring a child of something at this age can have such a detrimental effect on them!!
i take my DD who's 2.6 to the leisure centre every week for swimming - not through organised lessons or anything, just her me and DH and we have fun - at this age i just don't want her to be scared of water and to have fun in it. in our leisure centre the pool is like a beach so she walks in on her own and takes it all at her own pace....lately she has been venturing out further and will now quite happily go down the teeny slide into a shallow bit of water knowing her face will get wet but she loves it.
when she's older i'll take her for proper swimming lessons then - i don't want her to be an olympic swimmer or anything, just be able to hold her own if she ever fell in water.
stop going to the lessons for now but carry on taking her to the pool for fun - as time and her confidence grows she'll get braver and will be happy to try new stuff, including going underwater x
My DS is 3.5 and we have had exactly this. His swimming teacher said NO WAY to forcing him under and that he would learn in his own time, we just had fun in the lessons :-) he also hated having his hair washed, I ended up having to wrap him in a towel like you would a cat to get his hair washed when absolutely necessary . So we just persevered with playing - 2 weeks ago he suddenly 'got' the trick of closing his mouth and nose to stop the water getting in. Tonight he washed his own hair, poured water over his head and everything. It was bizarre to see when 3 weeks ago I was having to hold him down to wash his hair (he'd been sick so totally necessary). We had swimming this afternoon and he put his face into the water - since he turned 3 he's been in lessons without me in the pool.
Just keep the water fun and she will learn. And if she doesn't - well I guess she doesn't, does it really matter?
Speaking as a qualified swimming teacher here - no way would I force a child to go underwater if they were so scared.
Nothing more to add really!
DD was a coward about face going into water until she was nearly 6yo. I can't imagine how badly she would have taken it if forced.
She's 11 now & swims like a fish, has done for many years.
Find a different sort of teacher.
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