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Daily battles with 4 year old ds...........

(35 Posts)
Northerner Sat 27-May-06 08:47:54

All day, every day. ASking him to brush teeth/get dressed/come to teh table/tidy away toys 3 or 4 times before he even acknowledges me. He is really answering back, sticking out his tongue, not sharing toys on play dates all of a sudden, and shouting and me dh and anyone else in the vicinity.

He is driving me wild. Under all of this bravado he is a funny, loving little monkey, but to an outsider, I'm sure they just see a rude, loud, obnoxious boy.

I am dealing with it, he gets sent to his room (about 10 time a day atm) and has toys consficated and loses treats such as sweets and TV. Guesss I just want to hear that this is normal, and school will calm him down. (won't it??)

Twiglett Sat 27-May-06 08:49:30

<<sigh in recognition>>

Twiglett Sat 27-May-06 08:50:22

have you tried losing your voice? it worked with DS for a bit .. I really did lose my voice and the whispering around him really made him quieter .. weird

Northerner Sat 27-May-06 08:51:03

Thanks Twig

At leats I'm not alone. I thought being three was bad, nad now he's 4, jeez...........

Northerner Sat 27-May-06 08:51:38

LOL at losing my voice. Might try that.

Twiglett Sat 27-May-06 08:52:24

<<whispers very quietly so Northener can pretend she didn't hear: DS is 5>>

Northerner Sat 27-May-06 08:54:47

<Northerner pours large Gin & Tonic>

Twiglett Sat 27-May-06 09:02:51

see that's why he's a handful .. drinking at this time in the morning I dunno

Northerner Sat 27-May-06 09:06:53

I was jonking!!!

Just searched in this topic and it seems that 4 is a difficult age.

We're off to loacl park soon on his scooter to burn off some energy.

mummyhill Sat 27-May-06 10:09:04

DD is going through this as well I think most parents with children this age are tearing their hair out waiting for the "phase" to pass. They only move on to a different more challenging phase though sounds bad but maybe I will make all the mistakes this time round with dd and stand a chance of handling it a bit better when DS reaches the difficult stage.

Twiglett Sat 27-May-06 10:57:03

cod Sat 27-May-06 11:09:30

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cod Sat 27-May-06 11:09:50

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batters Sat 27-May-06 11:52:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Northerner Sat 27-May-06 16:45:30

Well we've had a better day today as we spent 3 hours in the valley gardens - he had a fab time.

Back home and he's only been to his room once.

We'll see what tomorrow brings. Agree with zero tolerance though. Hate tongue sticking out.

What should I do if he does it outside?

cod Sat 27-May-06 18:00:38

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cod Sat 27-May-06 18:01:49

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cod Sat 27-May-06 18:07:52

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Northerner Sun 28-May-06 08:27:02

Thanks Cod - excellent advice here. You are a guru

He goes to bed at 8pm, sometimes 8.15/8.30 if no pre school. You think it's too late?

Thomcat Sun 28-May-06 08:32:56

Ohhhhhh Northener, so with you on this one. Everything I ask DD1 to do I get told 'nooooooo mummy, no'. Even though she ends up doing it we have to have the battle of the wills to start with. It's exhausting, you have my sympathies.

BudaBabe Sun 28-May-06 08:37:57

I went through a similar thing with DS (will be 5 in Aug).

Someone on here recommended a book called "1,2,3, - Magic". I found it really helpful. Basically if he does or says something he shouldn't you say 'that's 1' - very calmly, no entering any discussion about it. If he continues or answers back you say "that's 2". He continues and you just say "that's 3 - to the step (or chair or whatever" - the usual 1 minute for each year of age. I found it helps keep ME calm so situation doesn't escalate. Much less shouting in our house now!

Although we did have an incident where I got to "that's 2" and DS hit me (lightly!) and said "that's 3" and took himself off to step! I did wonder then about effectiveness but that was at Xmas and he hasn't done it since. I think he was taking himself out of situation.

AllieBongo Sun 28-May-06 09:28:53

ds still like this at age six.. bad behaviour calmed down but like talking to a brick wall.. he doesn't listen when it suits him. It's so very frustrating, so I know how you feel. I turn on the water works occasionally, that's the only way he can see how much he is upsetting me and that stems it for a bit!

AllieBongo Sun 28-May-06 09:30:08

buda, my pal used that book and swears by it.. think i may have to nab her copy

threebob Sun 28-May-06 09:36:02

Bed time does seem quite late - but it depends when he wakes up, what he was like as a toddler etc.

I think it's important to know how your dp/dh is with you, rather than how he is with ds. Does he thank you for meals, pick up his own stuff, do an adult version of not listening or answering back?

I've seen a flow chart work well for everyday things. Get up, get dressed, get bag ready for preschool, eat breakfast, clean teeth, put on shoes, get chart ticked by mum WATCH TV. or whatever it is you want him to do.

Northerner Sun 28-May-06 09:38:46

Dh is fab. Won't tolerate cheekiness or tongues or anything, sometimes I think he is a bit too hard on ds - I'm def the softer one.

Dh always says thank you to me, not at all a MCP!

Might try a 7.30 bedtime and see if that improves.

Thanks for the comments - good to know I'm not alone!!

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