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wits end with four year old.

(8 Posts)
thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat Thu 25-May-06 19:24:19

never mind the terrible twos. have hit the f-ing 4s. The main problem with dd is that she 100 per cent DOESN'T CARE. Doesn't matter what we do to provide stick or carrot - she couldn't give a hoot. Yes she'll sometimes object to being deprived of a toy but not enough to stop her taking the course of action that resulted in the toy being taken away - even though it was clearly explained to her exactly what would happen. Incentives don;t work either. she just doesn't give a monkeys about anything other than doing what she wants. She'll laugh when she's getting told off, she'll run away. She still wets her pants just because she is simply too lazy not to. and then carries on with a wet bum, NOT CARING. help us find a way of making her care.

Piffle Thu 25-May-06 19:25:29

I take it you have tried isolation
like the true no comms you kow why I'm doing this, no attention isolation techniques?

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat Thu 25-May-06 20:03:54

no actually we haven't - except just gave it a go tonight - sent her upstairs to the spare bedroom and said she could choose whether to stay there or be a good girl. then I just got on with putting t'other dd to bed, and it appeared to work - she came down and complied with my not unreasonable request that she do a bedtime wee. will be trying that a bit more systematically

stoppinattwo Thu 25-May-06 20:40:04

my dd is 4 and sounds like yrs, an i thought it was just me she has me wondering whether Im coming or going, I can totally sympathise.

DD asked me what my problem was the other day, waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh where do i begin, she has so been on this planet before. I sometimes forget Im talking to a 4 year old, she has the moods of a 14yr old and the sense of humour of an adult.

You are not alone

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat Thu 25-May-06 22:38:41

have we got the same child? dd2 definitely has the sense of humour of an adult. I think Piffle has hit on something - she needs to be ignored! easier said than done she drives me round the &&ing bend she's so stubborn.

Piffle Thu 25-May-06 22:39:42

It is a performance
Take away the audience
Simple but it works

sparklemagic Thu 25-May-06 23:18:34

yes, I'm sure piffle is right - she doesn't care about other stuff obviously but I bet if you give her time out on her own (as you say, systematically) that is bound to have an effect, as it takes away her audience, her company, and her stimulation...most 4 yr olds don't have the internal resources to stay content for long, on their own....just wanted to add, don't assume it isn't working if she comes out a bit belligerent, she will be bound to try ways to subtly undermine any new strategy from you - stick with it. At the very least it gives you a break from her when she is being like this......

I am gulping as I read this as DS will be four in August and we already have what we call 'teenage moments' from him....sigh....

threebob Fri 26-May-06 07:30:38

I agree, ds just doesn't care about things like toiletting and getting dressed. But he does care about being taken to him room and the door being closed firmly (just on the right side of slamming). A minute later he will pop out fully clothed, or go and visit the toilet, or whatever my request was.

I used to use it as a last resort - but now I use it the first time I ask if I just know he isn't going to do it. He's worked out there are no second chances.

In my preschool music class last week - I didn't sing children's names if they weren't holding on to the rainbow ring. They all came back rather than not be mentioned. This week I noticed that even if they were messing around, when it got close to their turn they made sure I could see they were holding on. It can be that quick and their memories are very long. Being ignored is very powerful.

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