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Help with 5 year olds impulsive behaviour!

(5 Posts)
Lavenderlane Thu 23-May-13 16:33:16

HELP! Has anyone got any ideas on how I can support my DD to think before she speaks or acts. At times of frustration or when she views things as not being fair, she seems to act very impulsively. I have tried talking to her, putting sanctions in place, a reward chart and role playing so she can put herself in the shoes of the other person.

She is not vicious or sly, but will vocalise the injustice she feels by shouting or challenging anything said and lately she has started to use her hands or feet to show how she feels e.g. somebody chasing her = kicking her foot out or pushing them, somebody taking the toy she is playing with = standing on their toes.

When I ask her how she should manage the situation she will say "x can you stop chasing me please" and when I ask if they don't stop what should you do, she will say "tell an adult". It seems she knows how to behave but reacts before thinking.

I have been reinforcing the same message for months now and its getting to the point where I can feel myself getting worked up as soon as she tells me something has happened.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Thu 23-May-13 22:28:49

Have you had complaints from school? I think most 5 year olds are impulsive to some degree. My own DD was hit three times by one of her good friends the other day....we know the friend isn't naturally like stood out as an unusual thing so the teacher was concerned not only for DD but for her friend and sure enough she wasn't very well.

Is your DD hitting and kicking on a daily basis or is it just now and then?

Is she ok with school generally? Socially ok?

Ragusa Thu 23-May-13 23:01:10

What sanctions have you tried? Could this be a case of her just needing to be heavily disciplined?

I honestly don't know - I have a similar situation with my DD, same age. Like your DD, she knows the 'correct response' spiel, but doesn't seem to put the deeds into action in the heat of the moment. We have tried the explaining- and modelling-type approaches, but they don't seem to be getting us anywhere and I am starting to think my mum might be right when she opines that DD might just need 'a very firm hand'. Just to be clear, I don't mean smacking or anything like that shock.

Lavenderlane Fri 24-May-13 13:39:14

No, nothing been mentioned by school. Although every time I see one magpie I think this will be the day! School seems to be going well, she has fallings out with friends (self reported) but nothing that the school have raised as a concern. My concern is how she responds to them. This is also the case in social situations.

The hitting doesn't occur everyday but I dread 'free play' situations because she acts so instinctively. If she sees something as an injustice she can upset other children by saying something (bossy) or putting her hands/feet on them.

Sanctions tried include; time out, sending to bed, withholding favourite books or toys and not allowing her to go to a birthday party. I have said if she carries on I will speak to her teacher, which she has pleaded with me not to. I have also explained how much it upsets mummy and daddy, because she says she isn't going to do it again but does. I have outlined that people will only believe she is sorry if she doesn't do it again. I have even asked her to talk about the 'baddies' in the films she likes and likened their behaviour or way they speak to hers (felt mean doing this but was desperate).

Lavenderlane Fri 24-May-13 13:39:54

Sorry Ragusa

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