12 yr old SKID on slippery slope!!!! Advice Needed PLEASE !

[oinker]

What do we do?

She is rude. Always moody and recently stopped for minor shoplifting!!
There has been hardly any remorse for her behaviour.

Within an hour of being at ours this weekend (1st we have seen of her since incident) she slapped her older sister across the face. Refused to apologise or give reason and was sent to bed at 7.30pm.
All weekend she has been rude, giving dirty looks etc. She is soooooooooooooooo stroppy.
Her sister reckons she does the same at home.

I have tried to have a conversation with her about general things. though I ask open questions she either doesn't answer or just gives me yes, no, dunno answers.
DH took her for a walk with the dog and says she didn't talk to him either. She just dragged her feet and followed him. We can't talk to her about school as she gets defensive cos she is not the sharpest tool in the box and thinks we are having a pop at her.
She has no interests. Even her sister has tried chatting to her and just gets told to shut up!
No-one seems able to have a conversation with her.

The only time anyone has a conversation with her is when she is getting told off.

I have told DH that we need to do something about this and he needs to talk to her mum. I don't think we should be ignoring the behaviour. It is becoming intolerable.
She just mopes around all the time. She never smiles and when here spends all her time in the bedroom (in bed) with the TV on. (We are taking the tele out!)
We are not able to treat her at the moment because of the shoplifting.

I could go on and on and on but won't.

Does anyone have any advice....
What is the best course of action?

[Jessajam]

Lots of this just sounds like normal hormonal sulky teenage stuff TBH....

[SecondhandRose]

Eeek, I remember being just the same though. Try and get her interested in something. She's expecting to pee you off so keep it light.

[oinker]

Yeah.........

But what do we do???

We can't just ignore her. Or should we do just that. She doesn't talk at all. She has probably been like this since B 4 christmas.

Her sister who is 16mths older was never like that. I would expect it off her as she is 13.

More to the point we are going on holiday together for 3weeks in the summer and we are already dreading it.

[oinker]

this weekend we tried the fashion approach.
I painted St georges flag on big toe in support of our lads in the wrold cup. She used to love her toes being painted. I offered to do hers and she just walked off. Her older sister had hers done instead. They are both due for haircuts (trims) in the next week so I spent nearly 5 quid on hair mags for some inspiration. She wouldn't even look at them and just said' I'm not getting my hair cut!'and walked out. Her sister has chosen a Keira Knightly style and is all excited about it. Again she used to love doing her hair with straightners and styling mine or her sisters hair!!!
Are we worrying over nothing!!!

[SenoraPostrophe]

sounds like a teenager to me too. nothing you can do except ignore the bad behaviour and be there for her if she needs you I think (well, unless the shoplifting thing happens again)

[oinker]

Shoplifting has happened twice!!!

[Jessajam]

I wasn't like this as a teenager, but my SIL was ( and still can be - 16yo) Well, I did spend lots of time in my bedroom, but didn't have TV in there so was reading or listening to music. Always walked at least 3 steps behind parents if in public - FGS who wants to be seen with them!!!

The harder you try, pestering her to talk/join in etc the more sulky/stroppy she'll become...

[oinker]

OK.......

We have them this weekend. I am going to mention it to DH and see what he says.

Let's hope it works.

[jac34]

I don't know if my advice is any good as I don't have a teenager,YET (stepDD is 12 this August)but,perhaps you should just ignore her.Carry on doing things with her sister and just let her stay in bed if she wants.She could be counting on you always trying to get her attention,so just leave her out of things and then see if she wants to join in.
However,it could be that her hormones have kicked in earlier than her sister's.
I can remember being a complete pain at that age,just don't rise to it.

[SecondhandRose]

She's probably thinking you like her sister more than her etc etc. The worse she is possibly the more attention she gets, who knows? Can you take her shopping and for a bit of lunch just the two of you? Perhaps she'll lighten up a bit then. Try to think of something you need her help with, can you think of a fictitious friend with a daughter you need to get a gift for? You can always take it back afterwards!

[booo]

Sounds like teenage hormones with all the confusion and anger they bring aggravated by low self esteem (i was similar in attitude though without the shoplifting at a similar age). I say low self esteem because of her not wanting her hair/nails done and shoplifting maybe for attention??? I think you're being amazingly patient. Like everyone's said, ignore the worst of the moodiness and keep on trying to make her feel good. good luck :)

[oinker]

Thanks for all of this.

Some good advice in it all.

I can take bits from all your suggestions.
Thanks

Fingers crossed

[fattiemumma]

i didnt realise my sister had visited anyone at the weekend!

to be honest my parents are having similar problems with my sister who is also 12 so im guessing it is probably just a hormonal type phase.

i think if she does not live with you its going to be a lot harder getting through to her. maybe you should speak to her resident parent ( sorry not sure if its mum or dad) and try and work out a battle plan between you. ways in which you will deal with the rudeness, agression etc. so that your all singing from the same song sheet.

other than that i'd say get your helmet on, dig in deep and get ready for the bumpy ride that is the teenage years!

[oinker]

Fattiemumma.....

We are prepared with full military protective aromour.
Thanks for the sound advice.