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How do you feel when others hurt your DC's feelings

(14 Posts)
stoppinattwo Sun 21-May-06 21:08:55

We were coming home from a friends house today, DS was very quite, v unusual. He looked a little flushed so I asked if he felt ok, he said he was sad.
Tried to get i bit more information from him but he didnt really want to talk about it. I did eventually get an explanation, his friend had been quite mean to him over something and I think DS was a bit surprised/sad by the whole thing.
The issue isnt what happened, my issue is how strongly I felt that someone could make him feel so sad. I almost wanted to go back and find out why he'd been so horrible. DS is nearly 8 now and is well able to sort his own disputes out so i woundnt get involved, it still hurts though and I dont know how to control my own feelings of annoyance. Do you think this defensive feeling ever goes away??

bramblina Sun 21-May-06 21:12:38

Oh god I hope so- I'm so sad for your lo that I want to go back and find out what they did! We just want life to be perfect for them don't we. I really hope your lo is ok now.

Earlybird Sun 21-May-06 21:14:30

Oh, I agree it's hard, and the desire to protect them is so strong! Is this a good friend who doesn't normally act mean?

stoppinattwo Sun 21-May-06 21:20:59

thanks bramblina, I just want to make things nice. There are enough horrible things for them to encounter soon enough.
He's a tough kid and can stick up for himself, I just dont think he was quite expecting it from his friend, It upset him a bit.
Dont you just feel sometimes "how dare you give my child a hard time"?
dont get me wrong he's not whiter than white but he knows I have no time for people being mean/bullying etc.

tenalady Sun 21-May-06 21:24:35

oh the only way I can console myself is that lo is learning how to deal with his feelings and will learn how to cope. Dont you wish you could put old heads on little shoulders at times like this.

stoppinattwo Sun 21-May-06 21:29:36

Earlybird, he's been to our house a couple of times, and I have caught him on a few occasions being a bit mean with DD and have had to remind him. he seemed to thrive on upsetting DD. I put it down to DD being a bit over sensitive. They are all such good friends tho. This boy is a little older and i think my two are a bit in awe of him, well DS was untul today. Think hes a bit fed up with him now.

stoppinattwo Sun 21-May-06 21:33:16

Oh tenalady, gave DS such a big hug. He didnt come running to me whinging, he wasnt even going to tell me, over that last few months he has turned into such a grown up boy IYNWIM, wish I could be as grown up sometimes, need to take a leaf out of his book methinks.
I feel quite proud of the way he deals with some things.

tenalady Sun 21-May-06 21:33:29

ds 4 has little friend since he was 11m and has played regularly with him. Little friend is getting into pushing an shoving so ds made up his own mind that he wasnt going to play with him anymore and I am not to invite him for tea and he is not going there for tea either. He seems pretty adament.

stoppinattwo Sun 21-May-06 21:47:34

They soon sort out who they do and dont want to be around.
DS has in his own mind forgiven his mate already, but the problem is I dont trust myself to be as nice as i should be. Feel like DS is being more grown up then me . This is the point Im making, our DC's are so bloomin forgiving but my own instinct wont let me be as forgiving.
tenalady ur DS sounds a sensible chap

Tortington Mon 22-May-06 12:35:11

my inner most feeling is ( whatever age the child) i want to rip their head off

however i usually nonchalantly say " oh that was mean, i'm glad your not mean like that. is he your friend? maybe you should thinkabout whether you want a mean friend? ..i had a mean friend at school...... cue funny story....

that way its not blown out of proportion - he knows he can speakt o you and you will understand - you will be comforting

brimfull Mon 22-May-06 12:42:45

It is always agonising when your children are hurt by someone's actions,but I always try and turn it into a "how to treat others" chat.
Dd has learnt the hard way how it feels to be picked on or left out,she now makes a concerted effort not to become involved in bitching like this.She's 14 btw so a lot more learning has gone on than your ds.It will teach him how not to behave and treat friends.

stoppinattwo Mon 22-May-06 13:20:07

Lol custardo, you hit the nail on the head, I wish i didnt feel that way because at the end of the day they are just little boys,

ggirl, I found DS turning it into a "how to treat others chat"

DS always knows that however bad, worried he is he can always come to me, Its just sometimes i think he likes to sort stuff out/ doesnt want to boether me with it, hes an old head on v young shoulders, [frustration]

mrsdarcy Mon 22-May-06 13:24:22

I'm with Custardo. I really have to work at not letting it get to me, but there are some children in my DS2's class (reception) who I feel quite vicious towards.

serenity Mon 22-May-06 13:31:52

Absolutely what Custy said. Rabidly homicidal on the inside, sweetly logical and reasonable on the outside. No one's allowed to upset my DCs unless it's me!

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