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Girl being mean to my daughter, how do I react?

(4 Posts)
GlasgowParent Mon 13-May-13 13:38:22

My daughter is 4 years old and goes to school this year.

Of late she has been going out playing with a bunch of other kids in the wee cul de sac we live in. One girls is 7 and has always been a bit funny with us and our daughter. She once told my partner that her Gran said our daughter was spoiled, and that she wasn't allowed in her house, and she wasn't allowed in hers.
At the weekend there, she was out playing with said girl and another girl who is 5. The other two girls were leaving her behind, we were watching from the window, and then they came to the door and asked if our daughter was to come in for her dinner. We said no, and they should play together. This happened another two times with the older girl being the instigator in this. Basically trying to get rid of our daughter. When they came to the door one of these times I went down and I asked my daughter if everything was ok, and had someone said something to her, as it was clear they were trying to leave her out/get rid. My daughter is very sociable and doesn't understand people being mean, but when I asked her this she looked sad, said no, but turned her head away.

We have since learned (from my young neice) that the older of the girls had told her she 'didn't like her anymore' but told her not to tell us and keep it a secret. On trying to talk to our daughter she maintains that nobody has said something to her yet seems desperate to be accepted by the older girl.

It appears that she has tried this tactic with our wee girl onside to another neighbours kid. Our neighbour noticed this and watched as it panned out, thankfully our kid said no and she all wanted to play together.

However, I am really worried that this may have been going on for a while yet, our daughter just gets on with it, but this time realised that they were trying to leave her out.

This is my first experience of this, so any advice/experience on how to deal with this would be great.

The girl in question seems to be palmed off by her mum and new bf in the main due to another baby now here. We know this as the girl has told us she has to sit in and watch her mum and step dad cuddle all day in and is bored etc. which suggests that she is wanting attention, but I don't want that at the expense of her bullying my daughter. I'm also not sure if this has any impact on thoughts, but when other kids are there, especially slightly older kids, the girl withdraws, cries and sometimes just goes into her house.

NeverendingStoryteller Mon 13-May-13 14:14:13

The three years between your DD and the older girl are a chasm, really! Perhaps, as your DD starts to make friends at school, you could invite some children her own age around for play? I have watched this with my own DS - some of the older kids are not always keen to be seen playing with the 'baby' of the group. It's hard to watch, I know. Sending you a hug.

Soupa Mon 13-May-13 14:15:00

Go out and play with her and involve the others if you want her to play with the group. Imo four year olds are too young to playout without supervision and not many seven year olds would want to play with them for long.

GlasgowParent Mon 13-May-13 14:33:22

Thanks for your responses. The dynamics of the group are 4, 4, 5, 5, and 7. The group always play together no problem until the older one is there. We also do supervise the group from our window, plus go out and check if all is well to show we are there, and they generally play out front, as we want her to have her independence from us hanging over her, but in the same token want her to be safe.

I totally understand the point of the age gap also, just very frustrating.

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