6 year old saying he doesn't want a mummy any more please help(20 Posts)
My ds 6 and I have always got on really well and been really close. This week I have had to tell him off more than normal for his behaviour. He has turned around to me twice and said that he wishes he didn't have a mummy. Has anyone else gone through this or just me? Please help as feeling like I'm the baddy but I won't stand for bad behaviour and rudeness. Thanks in advance
My dd1 is only 3.5 so not got to that level of understanding yet but wanted to empathise with you... That would be awful to hear from your child... But he doesn't mean it of course and is just testing the boundary which you have put in place. Keep strong. Keep your boundaries in place and he will soon tire of saying that if you don't show that it upsets you. I would make it clear it is not a kind thing to say.
Escalated to me picking up the phone to phone social services (pretend of course) and having a pretend conversation to come and collect him. i had asked him to get out of the bath and get himself dry at which point he put the towel in the bath water! When I put him in his room with a dry towel and told him to get dressed he started walking down the stairs saying he was off to find somewhere else to live. When he thought I had really phoned them, he got upset and said he didn't mean it. We have both been in tears. Feeling rubbish.
No, no. Don't do that again, he needs you to be the adult. Really not a good move to do the pretend call stuff.
Oh bless you. I agree with beertrickspotter (great name) ... Word for word.
He's just being a child who is six. This is not unusual behavior and can be safely ignored.
Pretending to phone social services is fucking evil. My dad used to pretend to phone the children's home when I was a kid, it stayed with me for years.
Tiger .... Do not EVER threaten to have him taken away again. It is damaging and hurtful. He is six, that is why he says hurtful things. It is your job to model good responses, not frighten him into saying he loves you.
'that's a shame because I will always love you and I'll always be your mummy, even when you do naughty things that make me cross. Putting your towel in the bath was silly because now I'll have to wash it - that's more work for me- but you won't do it again will you?'
When he says things like that, perhaps you could say something like, "That's a shame, because I love having you as my son". You don't need to elaborate - just show him that little surge of the unconditional stuff.
I wouldn't say that about the Social Services - the little guy was probably so frightened that his mummy would give him away even if he didn't show it. Imagine him thinking for quite a while when he was being told to get dressed that he was getting dressed in order to be taken away from his mummy - he was probably so sad and scared. I would definitely, definitely tell him that it wasn't real and that it will never be real.
Remember that no matter what he does, he loves you more than anything and you are totally his world - in a way that no one else could ever be - no matter what crazy grumpiness he gets up to.
We were told last night that we were 'the worst parents in the world' by our 3.11dd. We replied with 'yes we are , so awful making sure you have a nice bath, nice clean pyjamas, clean, healthy teeth and nice stories etc, giving you lots of kissss, cuddles and tickles'. (it was bedtime could you tell!). It sort of took the wind out of her sails a bit and made her giggle
"That doesn't matter, dear, because I am still your mummy and I still love you and I always will"
That is what he needs to hear and that is what you have to provide. It won't damage your discipline, quite the contrary: he will know that you are a strong person who will never give up on him and that will impress him more.
In the meantime, look at the stresses of your own life. Is there anything particular going on in your life that makes you feel vulnerable or unappreciated at the moment? Are you having enough me time, enough fun, enough distraction?
And please do talk to him about SS and be honest with him, explain that you didn't mean it, that this is not what SS do, that they are there to help families that need help, but that they won't take a little boy away from being naughty.
This is a conversation I had with dd when she was about 2 (can't remember why she was grumpy or what I had done):
- I don't love you, I don't want you for a mummy any more!
-That doesn't matter, love, because I am still your mummy and I always will be.
-Not when I'm grown up!
-Oh yes, I will still be your mummy. You may want to go and live in your own grown-up house, but I will still be your mummy and I will still love you.
-NO, <with great determination>, YOU WILL BE DEAD BY THEN!
Dd is now approaching 17, I have no intention of dying any time soon. She is reconciled to the fact that I am still her mummy. We're fine.
You'll get through it too.
They do say that. Dd2 used to say she was going to find a "proper mummy who'd always be nice to her.."
I always tell them that I love them very much, when they say that sort of thing.
My DS is 5.5 and is behaving just the same as yours at the moment. Last week he said he wouldn't be upset if I died . It's horrible to hear but they don't mean it at all, even if they think they do. I just counter by saying I'll always love him. It's hard this parenting malarkey.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.