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three year toddlers fighting - should I intervene

(5 Posts)
scrumblemum Sun 12-May-13 11:45:40

My three year old toddlers often fight - over toys, cuddles with mummy, spoons, etc. Should I intervene and try and teach them how not to fight and resolve conflict peacefully, i.e. asking not grabbing. Or is it important to let them experience and resolve conflict themselves...?
my partner and I are disagreeing on this...

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Sun 12-May-13 12:44:07

You need to intervene at this age. They won't understand the basics of communicating effectively unless it is modelled for them. "X please don't snatch the spoon from Y...." "Y, X had the bear first so please leave him alone."

When they are older and bicker, you can leave them to it more...I leave my two to argue unless they start hitting.

emstats Mon 13-May-13 23:46:42

I have a 3 and a 4 yr old and always used to intervene until one day whilst heavily pregnant with number 3 and witnessing the umpteenth argument of the day I frankly couldn't be arsed... I then witnessed them resolve their argument themselves much more quickly and pleasantly then when I used to wage in! I still intervene now if either or both get physical, but I leave them to battle it out otherwise until I hear it going 'too far'. In a way, I think its good for them to do this because I really want them to have a close happy relationship independent of me and not in competition for me to take their side etc

GreenLeafTea Mon 13-May-13 23:53:43

I leave them to resolve it but step in if it is about to escalate. DS1 has a tendancy to snatch toys off DS2 so I remind him to ask for it. DS2 has a tendency to wind up DS1 when he is playing by jumping in his space. If he does I suggest another way for him to occupy himself. But they do need to learn to resolve things by themselves as well. So do t jump in at the first step.

scrumblemum Tue 14-May-13 20:41:33

ok thanks :-) I think I'm going to try and not to jump in at the first step, and only if it escalates to violence..... I've read that it's actually better in the long run not to jump in immediately as otherwise they don't learn now to resolve the conflict themselves and just get dependent on you to sort it out for them.... but led to a big argument with DH who didn't agree at all! I think he felt it would be 'lazy' parenting just to leave them to slog it out. But we've discussed it since and he's come round and actually is now looking forward not jumping in every time the twins squabble!

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