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Unbearable clingy/whingy toddler

(8 Posts)
Nancyclancy Sun 12-May-13 08:51:00

I know it's a common issue with toddlers but I never imagined it could be so bad!

My dd has just turned 2. For the last 6 months or so she has had the tendency to scream when she either can't get her own way or if I get up to do something. But over the last few weeks it has gone from bad to worse.
To the point I feel she is beginning to take over our lives.

She only seems happy if she's on my lap or being carried. Even sitting side by side on the sofa isn't enough and if I get up to do something, all hell breaks loose.

She's very bad tempered and is a real screamer (never experienced this with my other 3 dc.) Usually when she's crying/screaming it's an anger cry rather then an upset/sad cry.

I have started to put her in her cot when she starts as she really can drive me completely insane. Is this a good idea? I don't want to make her clingier. Tried reasoning/distracting without much success.

Also when we are out and about if I stop to talk to someone she'll wait for about a minute and then start screaming. Nothing will distract her and it's getting to the point where we are cancelling visiting people because she's so awful.

She is a fussy eater which I'm sure plays a part. I took her to the doctor to check her ears etc and explained what has been going on. My dd kicked off in the surgery and the dr agreed it is an anger/frustration cry not an in pain/sad cry. I'm going to see the HV next week for suggestions but in the meantime does anyone have any tips or ideas? I hate seeing her so miserable and angry all the time!

Or do we have to simply wait for it to pass?

DrSeuss Sun 12-May-13 13:20:04

So she screams. Let her! Don't react, don't give way. Leave the room if necessary. It will get worse before it gets better but weather the storm. A two year old who is allowed to dominate now will only get worse, IMHO. It will be hard but do it.

emstats Mon 13-May-13 23:39:07

Sorry to offer the complete opposite opinion but... If she's feeling clingy, I'd say give her the reassurance she's looking for, she is only 2 and who knows whats going on inside her little head? I think its unfair when adults transfer adult thought processes such as 'controlling' etc onto young children. I think if you give the reassurance she needs now, it'll save you a hell of a lot of headaches in the long run. And although it will be trying whilst you go through it (cos let's be honest, they can get right on your wick at times!!!) If she feels secure and that she can rely on and trust in you, it'll pay dividends in the end...

queenofthepirates Mon 13-May-13 23:59:31

I'd try a bit of both! Firm when you need time off, putting her in her cot then try and give what you can in between. No one's super human

wintersdawn Tue 14-May-13 00:10:09

I have a two year old who has just had a baby brother arrive and has become very difficult as a result. we are finding that too an extent letting her scream it out providing she is in a situation where she can't harm herself is the best option. we are using an old play den as a safe time out area for if she lashes out at me or baby. we were using her bed but she started to get funny about bedtime and we realised she was associating bed with punishment.

awwwwmannnn Tue 14-May-13 09:01:31

my DD (now 2.6) went through a very similar stage a few months back. i just put it down to her growing up and realising that the world doesn't quite revolve around her as much as she wanted it to.

it was really hard, but i gave her the reassurance when she wanted it and had plenty of wonderful cuddles, but when the time came that i needed to do something and having a toddler clinging to me wasn't useful, i would say we'll have a quick little cuddle then mummy has to go to toilet/cook dinner/peg washing out etc....she still grizzled or screamed but i would say calmly that as soon as i finish we can have another cuddle and would carry on doing my job. when she eventually stopped screaming i would praise her to heaven and beyond for stopping and being such a good girl!!

its not something that happens overnight, and it is bloody hard when its happening, but consistency and maybe giving them a little bit of warning as to the reason you are putting them down/stopping cuddling helps and they eventually get used to it.

its the same old thing with babies/toddlers, its just a phase and a part of them growing up and driving you insane in the process xx

EmmaPoppysMum Tue 14-May-13 10:10:59

Hi - I found this post quite reassuring. My daughter has just suddenly started crying when I drop her with the childminder she so loved - leaving me feeling awful. She only spends a day and a half with her a week. When she's with me at home she's constantly asking for a cuddle - which of course I don't mind giving but it's left me concerned there is something wrong with her and whether I should take her to the Doctors. I'm guessing it's just a phase - it's just tough going.

Nancyclancy Tue 14-May-13 10:37:56

Thank you for all your replies.
I posted this on Sunday but from the Friday before that, if she started screaming uncontrollably and distracting/cuddling didn't work, then I started putting her up in her cot. For me more then anything.

I leave her for literally a few mins, have a breather then go and get her. Even if she's still screaming her little head off I've been picking her up and cuddling her and she stops straight away.
I only put her in her cot if she just won't stop and I can feel myself getting angry!

Yesterday we had a really good day, I only had to put her in her cot once!! This morning she was crying because I wouldn't sit with her (I was trying to clear up after breakfast.) She created for a bit and did stop after about 5 mins.

Giving her lots of attention and praise in between times! Just praying this will continue to work!
So glad I'm not the only one!!

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