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Angry 8 year old ds who says his family hates him and is running away or is going to kill himself!!! Wtf

(6 Posts)
NotInTheMood Fri 10-May-13 19:39:11

Where does he get this from??? As soon as he's tired or gets told off or doesn't get his own way he has a complete melt down. Saying everyone in the family hates him, that he hates himself and wants to run away. He talks about killing himself. He gets so worked up and angry and tries to punch his pillow or little brother if he's in the way. He gets upset and cries. The other day he even started talking to himself saying that perhaps he doesn't belong to this family and that we stole him which is why he doesn't belong and why we hate him.

I just don't get it I always tell him I love him and cuddle him. I praise him etc. He doesn't watch violent films or play the computer so have no idea where he gets these thoughts or ideas. And the anger!!!!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sat 11-May-13 00:52:53

Hitting a pillow or floor cushion/beanbag isn't a bad way to let off steam. Better than battering his DBro.

With over the top dramatic declarations, I know from experience sometimes it's hard not to laugh at the more theatrical parts, but agree the killing oneself bit is more disturbing.

So how do you usually react? However much he rages, is it by accident or design he is also distracting from the original catalys? Inflating his sense of injustice to get away from whatever action of his provoked the telling off in the first place!

You say yourself he is constantly given affection and reassured. I bet when he gets a particular response he'll employ the same shock tactic again. Admittedly it is less of a shock by now because you know to expect it but you probably still flinch. Who knows where they get inspiration - unmonitored tv/computer, peers? So cut to the chase.

Next time you attempt to discipline him and he starts to fly off the handle keep DS2 out of reach, keep your voice calm and not raised. Address DS1 by name, tell him he has forfeited X treat or Y habit or is grounded for Z event. If he wants to fuss about it he can let off steam away from an audience with an agreed target: his pillow etc. If he wants to come and talk you will listen, (please no silent treatment).

As he goes through the week he might win back X or whatever by chores or accomplishing good behaviour targets.

CatchTheFox Sat 11-May-13 20:26:31

I'm not saying you do, but I think that if you meet his anger and aggression with punishment, it might push him away.

have a look at this article - www.handinhandparenting.org/news/184/64/Bad-Words-from-Good-Kids
it may not exactly apply to your situation, but the philosophy is the same. it might at least give you some different tactics to try? you sound like a caring mum smile i hope you find something that helps.

BCBG Sat 11-May-13 20:39:07

I have/had exactly this with two of mine, one now 20 and into Cambridge, one only ten God love her grin. Both are highly highly intelligent but the younger one is also dyslexic/dyspraxic which makes it much worse. She has had some horrendous meltdowns often linked to sugar and food additives (and I was one of those mums who didnt believe in any of that stuff until I had her grin. Her melt downs are always when she is tired or frustrated. The good news is that her brother used to do the same but grew out of it/channelled his aggression into sport. All I am saying is that there is probably a) a reason and b) a solution and with patience you will find them!

NotInTheMood Sun 12-May-13 22:40:58

That's interesting as I think my ds is dyslexic or has some sort of processing problem so he gets easily frustrated especially when trying yo say something. I sometimes tell ds I love him and he is making me feel sad saying those things as we would miss him. It depends if I can see if he's tired and frustrated or if he's just being a bit naughty because he's not getting his own way in which I tell him to go up to his room and calm down. once he calmed down we talk, I tell him why I was angry and we hug etc.

BCBG Mon 13-May-13 20:21:00

NotInTheModd I cannot urge you strongly enough to get an Ed Psych assessment if you can, as IME these sort of behavioural difficulties are a sign of HUGE levels of frustration, where the child cannot articulate the problem. My Cambridge star, now also with Chral Award, actually THREW himself down the stairs in our old house at the age of nine, saying that he 'wasn't any good at anything so he might as well die" shock....and that with supportive and loving family all around...but he was being bullied by older boys who didn't like him sad. We decided enough was enough and moved schools immediately, and thank God we got it right. I know only too well that that is not an option for most people, but I would urge you to consider getting him assessed now, as if he has a processing problem (as my DD has) the earlier you identify it the better. HTH.

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