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How to help 6yo DD to play nicely

(3 Posts)
sleepdeprivedby2 Thu 09-May-13 15:15:30

Hi all, I was hoping for some advice to help my beautiful DD get on better with her peers at school.

My DD is a bright and funny girl however at times she is extremely stubborn (inherited from me I am afraid) and argumentative and like's to get her own way with literally everything. We haven't yet worked out whether she is going to be a world class lawer/politician or master criminal grin, anyway I digress.

At home she will argue about everyday things (brushing her hair for example) until it is done exactly her way and I feel this behaviour is now affecting her relationships at school.

When she plays with her younger brother at home she is the master at manipulating him without him even realising it. She will ask to join in his game (for arguments sake star wars) and then gradually changes the game through suggestion so that within a few minutes they are playing baby animals. On the rare occaision he cottons on to this she just refuses to play with him and stomps off and plays on her own.

She has recently started to come home from school angry and saying that no-one wants to play with her and initially I took this with a pinch of salt and didn't make much of it but this has since been backed up by the teachers at parents evening.

So how do you teach a very stubborn six year old the art of compromise and how to play nicely. Everytime I try to talk to her about this she doesn't want to talk and I end up feeling like all I am doing is critising her personality, where in reality it is great that she has such confidence in herself and I am sure it will take her far in life but it just needs curtailing some of the time.

Thanks for reading

sleepdeprivedby2

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Thu 09-May-13 16:09:12

Instead of talking, I would demonstrate...play a LOT of games with her and show her how to share...try to play things that interest her so she can still enjoy herself...it is hard I know. I have a 5 year old who has a "bossy" friend...DD LOVES her friend but the friend bosses DD so much that DD is getting tired of it.

I also suggest asking some of her friends over to play and observing them.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 09-May-13 16:44:17

Maybe at home you could watch out for steamrollering and bossiness. I appreciate there's an age gap but don't let her always dominate DS when playing.

Talking to her about this is hard but it's worse when others raise it! It isn't DD, it's her attitude. Be honest, explain her behaviour is causing the problem.

Can you talk to her about other children at school and why she thinks others get along? Is she puzzled by this?

Then work out who is a classmate liable to be most easily approached and invite them round for a playdate/after school tea. Before they arrive remind DD that we let company choose, it's polite to keep visitors happy. Keep an eye and ear out and monitor DD for bossiness and taking over. If DD seems to take charge take her to one side discreetly and tell her to tone it down.

Later in life she'll be in team sports and realise how co-operation and teamwork work. Right now she is isolating herself by wanting to play by her rules or possibly winning when in fact at home or in the playground, it's playing together that matters most.

Some characters naturally lead and some fall into line. Wanting to step up and be a leader is not a bad quality but bossing, controlling and talking over peers is. Your DD just has to rein in her tendency to dominate and let others have their fair say.

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