What Behaviour/Reward System do you use?(3 Posts)
I am back at the stage where ds needs to be encouraged to behave again (he is 5).
I havent used behaviour charts for ages so have just printed some from www.chartjungle.com, they are weekly so i can monitor him and reward as necessary.
Thing is what do i reward him with? i dont want to reward him with sweets as he isnt too keen on them so its not much of an incentive..currently im just taking certain toys/tv/pc and other priviledges away when bad and giving back when good.
What does everyone else do??
I don't so much reward dd for her behaviour, as punish for bad behaviour. She generally gets 'rewards' throughout the course of the day-choci bar here, new bag there that kind of thing. She knows that a warning system is in place. I count to 5 and if she hasn't done something or starred to behave she loses a warning. She gets three warning a day, when they are all used up, she gets punished. Usually take the toy she's playing with away for 24 hours or if I've bought her something new that day, I take that away. Found that this sytem works really well. As soon as I get to number 2 shes done what she is supposed to and apologised.
I think reward / punishment schemes are a load of tosh. They have come into vogue recently because of the TV gurus who rely on them heavily. These methods are a form of behavioural training - you know, the same sort of methods you would use to train a dog. They don't have any place in bringing up a child IMO.
On a day to day basis I use all sorts of methods to encourage ds to behave - including bribing and threatening In theory, I believe that children should be treated with respect and guided gently towards desirable behaviour. I have found suggesting an alternative for ds works well especially when he has just got into the habit of being difficult - eg at teeth brushing time, he runs off and shouts "no!" I say "Please don't shout "no", please come here instead, and stand up nice and straight while we brush your teeth and make them clean". Sometimes works to be quite specific and remind them how to behave nicely.
Good luck with it. I know star charts seem like a quick fix but they have been shown to decrease the child's motivation to do the thing you want them to do (read Alfie Kohn for a better explanation).
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