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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

Separation anxiety?? How did you deal with it???

17 replies

mummy2lola · 02/05/2013 10:06

Hi there,
I don't post that regularly on here, but I do need some advice on my dd nearly 6 months.
I think what we're experiencing is separation anxiety, coupled with teething too, but wonder if anybody has any similar experiences.

Dd is overall a very happy smiley baby, loves attention, loves being busy, and never stops moving all day, very active!!
Lately, I've noticed that when I leave the room, or if I'm in the same room, but doing something, such as washing up etc, she gets very wingey. I pay her a lot of attention, and up until now, I've gone to her every time she so much as whimpers. I play with her, laugh with her, talk with her, make sure she has fresh air and a nice walk each day.

She is ff from birth, and we've started weaning, which she seems to enjoy. The only feeding encounters we've experienced are those associated with teething, but that's not a problem I can't deal with.

Dd's daddy has been away for two weeks on a course, and has just come back, and the cling invests has got worse. Usually our bedtime routine consists of bath at 5.45pm, massage, bottles and cuddles, and then she goes straight down. Wen her dad gets in from work, she gets very excited, and gets very very stressed when we put her to bed in her cot, screaming, even if we're in the room, or holding her hand ( her comfort thing!)

We don't really get any quality time together anymore, and we've just got married. He still wants to swaddle to calm her, but I think she's too old for it, and likes her freedom of movement (I'm right aren't I?

Hw do I deal with separation anxiety? Do I leave the room, then keep coming back? Wen I try and reassure her, and come back, then go out of the room again, she just cries more. I s not really a proper cry, more a whine.

Pase help....I'm run ragged!!!!!

OP posts:

Report

cloudhands · 02/05/2013 15:15

I'm sorry it's so hard for you right now, it is so tough when they need all your attention. I just read a great article about sep anxiety here. Hope it helps

www.handinhandparenting.org/news/44/64/Separation-Anxiety-Recovery

mummy2lola · 02/05/2013 15:36

Thanks!!! Nw she's refusing bottles too, but not food.....I'm getting a bottle of wine for after bedtime tonight!!, I need it!!! Only a glass mind you! :-)

OP posts:

spekulatius · 02/05/2013 15:48

My DD is 5.5 months old, since 4 months very clingy, won't go to people that she used to go to. Can't leave the room for more than 1 minute. She will only stay in her bouncer for 5 minutes then complains that she wants us to pick her up. We nap together but don't have any problems at bedtime like u describe. Though I have to feed or rock her to sleep. BF. But she wakes up a lot at night to feed.
I think its a phase (I hope), also self protection, they know when they r with u they get everything they need. And they need the reassurance to be able to develop into confident adults.
BTW do you do BLW? We tried but she's not interested.

mummy2lola · 03/05/2013 08:38

Hiya!!! It's draining isn't it, especially when they're heavy!!! The bedtime battle is horrible, but luckily, once she's asleep, she goes a solid 11 hours at the moment
What's btw?

OP posts:

mummy2lola · 03/05/2013 08:38

Baby led weaning?
Doing that too!
Running out of ideas!!

OP posts:

seeker · 03/05/2013 08:43

"We don't really get any quality time together anymore, and we've just got married. He still wants to swaddle to calm her, but I think she's too old for it, and likes her freedom of movement (I'm right aren't I?"

You are right about swaddling. And the quality time will come back- just at the moment, your baby is the most important person in your relationship (sorry!). At this age, the best way to deal with clingy ness is to let them cling. You are building up her confidence in you by responding to her needs and you are giving her security so that when this stage passes she can safely venture away from you. It is very, very hard having a limpet. But it will pass. I promise!

Bumpsadaisie · 03/05/2013 14:30

You can't do anything to stop a baby or toddler being clingy unfortunately. It's part of their make up and such a strong instinct you will never be able to stop it.

Children from about 6 mths on are anxious about being left for a long time. They're probably about 2.5 or three years old before they really grow out of it as by then their understanding of time and space is mature enough to deal with separation.

Until then all you can do is manage it the best you can. The easiest thing to do is just comfort them and take them with you!

While they are always clingy to some extent, it does go in phases - clinginess is worse if they are ill or teething. Do you think your dd is teething ?

It does get better. My son is 18 mths now. He can understand if I tell him in just going to get my shoes etc and doesn't get upset any more. The more your dd understands the easier it will get. But it's quite a long road , unfortunately !

Good luck

Bumpsadaisie · 03/05/2013 14:33

Definitely second the previous poster advice that the quickest way through a mega clingy phase is to give them what they need. That way they learn quickly that they can depend on you.

Oh and never ever "sneak off" from a clingy baby. Say goodbye. They will cry but at least they learn you don't leave without telling them and they can gradually start to realise that you do come back.

mummy2lola · 03/05/2013 17:28

Seeker..that's exactly what I do. If she wants m at any time, I'm always there for her. You know what men are like, they stick with what worked once before, and with him being away a lot and then home, he's missing her growing up, and the changes that go with it too, such as dropping the swaddling. I've been trying to teach him the other ways of getting her to sleep that I know are comforting to her, but I have to be tactful because I don't want to hurt his feelings when he's so eager to help.
Our time together will come back, I know. X

OP posts:

mummy2lola · 03/05/2013 17:31

Aww, I'd never sneak off. I make her feel included in everything, even taking her into the bathroom with me while I bath, and sing to her like a man woman etc!!!! She watches me pee and all sorts!!!

I'm just a worrier, that's all....everyone wants to be the perfect parent don't they, even though there's no such thing!

OP posts:

mummy2lola · 03/05/2013 17:33

I think she's become extra clingy since her dad went away for 2 weeks and she couldn't understand why she could hear him on the phone etc. now he's back, she watches him like a hawk, but obviously too young for us to explain where he is....broke my heart hearing her saying da da da when he was away, I just gave her extra cuddles and now he's back, she just needs extra reassurance etc.
She is teething too, yes. X

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superbabysmummy · 03/05/2013 23:42

DD was the same.. 6 months, turned out the moan, bedtime sleep issues and crankiness of an otherwise very happy baby was actually because she was poorly.... Still loves her Mummy but much more happy to be left now she feels better, might just be the teething making her feel horrible?

mummy2lola · 04/05/2013 09:46

I know!!, it's cute, but how do you get on with things, such as cooking?? My kitchen is tiny, so can't really have dd in there while I'm cooking, with the heat etc, and moving around- do people seriously take their babies everywhere with them?? Surely reassuring them regularly is more healthy, ootherwise they're going to actually create a clingy baby, instead of reassure one???

On woman said, never sneak away from a clingy baby??? If they're content, then what are you supposed to do, just sit there encase they cry, or get on with things, such as making up bottles etc?

A lot of people on here make out they're super mums, who don't bathe, shower, eat, drink, but realistically you've got to do all these things, so you're in tip top condition to look after your baby, and has made me feel guilty for grabbing a 2 second dunk in the bath, instead of sitting by my baby encase she cries... Any opinions? What do you do?

OP posts:

seeker · 04/05/2013 10:47

Why have you changed your mind since yesterday, OP?

And who on earth is makings themselves out to be super mum, or making you feel guilty? What a very odd thing to say!

mummy2lola · 04/05/2013 11:23

I just confused. Some peels say, if your baby is content with their toys, then let them play, and other people say don't leave a clingy baby's side....it's confusing

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seeker · 04/05/2013 11:32

Just for the record, I did try to say something helpful to you yesterday- so to now be accused of "making out I'm a super mum" rather...unkind... To put it mildly.

If, as I suspect, your dp has read people's comments and disagreed with them,then I advise you to stick to your instincts and to the responses you made yesterday.

daytoday · 07/05/2013 14:08

Separation anxiety will pass - quickly or slowly. You simply don't know yet. I have 3 kids. The middle one is the only one who had separation anxiety to the degree yours has. The other two sailed through it. Honestly, there was nothing I could do to make it 'better'. Its not something that needs to be 'fixed' - its innate to your child's age and personality. You may find it has gone in two months - or maybe not. Maybe you have a cautious delightful little girl who needs to be near her mum.

My cautious lovely child also went through a phase aged 2 where she didn't want me at all and cried for her daddy!

Of course, you must go about your life as usual - etc. It is really rubbish to hear them cry but what can you do?

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