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Problems with DS at school, fed up!!!

(5 Posts)
bonkerz Wed 17-May-06 19:42:33

Thats me fed up not DS!!

Heres the short version of my problem!
Ds is in Year 1. He is in a class of Yr1s and 2s and is the youngest in his class by nearly 3 months. He wont be 6 till the end of July.
Since he started back in September DS has had a problem with his temper. He tends to be very strong willed and has a tendancie to kick off if he is asked to do something that he doesnt want to do. We have been VERY strict with him at home and have his behaviour under control and we thought he was doing better at school too. At parents evening a few weeks ago we were told that DS is a very intelligent little boy but his temper was starting to get in the way of his progress. When i asked his teacher for specifics she was unable to give any and when i asked to have regular communication about his behaviour she said she didnt have the time.
Thats really the last time she has spokent o me regarding DS behaviour untill Monday. On monday his teacher called me over and told me he had had a bad day and had been told off a few times. That was all she told me. I spoke to DS and he told me what he had done. He was banned from watching TV and was sent to bed at 6pm for being naughty. Also made him write a letter of apology. On tuesday i sent DS into school with a letter for his teacher asking that a wirrten home school communication book be started so that i could be kept up to date with any problems and could punish accordingly.
On tuesday i was asked by DSs substitute teacher for a chat. The sub teacher told me that they were thinking of excluding DS at lunch times as he was not behaving. I asked if his teacher had got the letter and she said she wasnt aware of a letter.
Today i rang at 9.15 and left a message asking for DSs teacher to ring me when she gets a chance and i rang back at 12.30 to be told she had got the message and would ring after school. Needless to say there was no phone call and there is no communication whatsoever in DSs book bag.

What do i do? Do i write another letter reiterating that i want a home-school book or do i wait and give her till next week to reply?
Surely if my sons behaiviour is so bad that they want to exclude him then they should be wanting to talk with me. I always thought exclusion was for when every other possible plann had failed? I am a paretn who wants to sort this out desparately because the behaviour they are describing is not what i see at home, yes he can be rude and have a bit of an attitude which he is punished for BUT i dont see the angry, aggressive boy they describe (and im not saying he isnt doing it! Just that i dont see it)
I am getting really upset about all this and very frustrated that the school and especially DSs teacher does not want to work with me to sort this out.
Sorry for the rant!

Littlefish Wed 17-May-06 19:59:58

Hi Bonkerz, sorry to read about this situation - it sounds really difficult for you all.

I am a primary school teacher and to me it sounds as though you are being really supportive at home in backing up the school when they say that your ds has been difficult. However, they do not seem to be following things through at school.

I agree that a home/school link book is necessary in order to keep you fully informed. I am extremely surprised that the school are talking about any kind of exclusion without in-depth discussions with you, and especially without seeming to try any pro-active behaviour management strategies with your ds.

Are you able to see the classteacher tomorrow when you either drop off or pick up your ds? If she is not available tomorrow, then I would suggest organising a meeting with the head-teacher for Friday. You have made many efforts to contact her and to maintain an open dialogue with the school, but if you don't get any further, then it is time to involve the headteacher.

I would talk to the class teacher about what rewards they have in place for your ds. It is very easy to talk about the sanctions for bad behaviour, but it sounds as though your ds needs some positive support at school. Does he find things difficult socially being the youngest in a mixed yr 1/2? Do you think this might be why he is displaying some challenging behaviour?

Sorry, a long ramble from me, with more questions than answers!

wordgirl Wed 17-May-06 20:04:57

I'm not surprised you're frustrated. It sounds like you're doing everything you possibly can to sort it out. I suppose you could give the school a few days to get in touch with you and presumably if they really are going to exclude him at lunchtimes they would have to do this anyway?
Do you know for certain that the teacher got your original letter? (If I give a letter to any of my children to pass to their teacher there's no guarantee that it would get to the intended recipient )
Even so there does seem to be a real lack of communication on the school's part and given that you have done everything you can do to support the school in dealing with your son's behaviour I think the school now needs to support you a bit more.

Lisage Wed 17-May-06 22:39:34

I have a similar problem with my son who's 4years old
I picked him up from nursery @ lunch to be told that he had kicked another parent & spat in one of the assistants face.
This is one of many incidents & I am now @ a loss of what to do.
Like yourself we are strict @ home because he is 1 of a twin, so to ensure behaviour is good we praise good & try & ignore bad with time out for refusing to do as they're told, which does'nt happen that often.
He is very bright so has to be stimulated alot.
Unfortunatly I can't afford to give up work & concentrate full time on this + he only has 4 months to sort himself out before school, if this is still such an issue it will be magnified by the amount of children & the fact there is one teacher!I have contacted my GP for hearing tests & paed assessment which is extremely slow!
I am stuck!

kid Wed 17-May-06 22:45:34

If the teacher is saying she doesn't have time to write down all incidents, could she do a a targets sheet with him? You need to find out what exactly he is or isn't doing. Then you can come up with targets for him to meet, like not to hurt other people, or whatever it is they say he is doing wrong.

I'm surprised they just want to exclude him straight away as that actually goes against the school, they have to be able to show they have tried different approaches first. The reward system would work better too if they can be bothered to do it

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