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4 yr old DD hitting me!

(9 Posts)
jollygreenmama Thu 25-Apr-13 18:18:02

Have just been slapped around the face twice :-( This is a consequence of asking my dd to stop colouring and get in the bath, she wanted to colour the whole book so I sat beside her to say she could colour a bit more after her bath; whack! I then took her into her bedroom, she was screaming, forcing tears, and told her firmly that she knows she must not hit. She hit me again and again. I'm so shocked and upset that I have bathed her , hair washed and put to bed pretty much in silence whilst thinking of what to do as a consequence.

She hit me yesterday whilst leaving the park and has done so on 6 or 7 other occasions. I try to be reasonable and always explain what we're doing when and do a count down to play ending. My mum says I give her too much rope and am extremely patient, perhaps. My husband talks firmly to her but the talk last night obviously had no effect.

HELP!!!!! upset mummy :-(

AnonYonimousBird Thu 25-Apr-13 18:30:06

You need to remove any and all treats or privileges. And you need to absolutely not give in on ANYTHING at all.

At 4 she needs to be able to control this and she is old enough to understand what she is doing and that there are serious consequences.

Sorry you are having to deal with this. Someone with more experience may be along soon with more detailed and constructive advice, but if that happened here, it would be complete lockdown.

And it should not just be your DH talking firmly to her, it needs to be you as well. A united front and all that. Would she hit him??? If not, then that tells you something..... sorry - don't mean to be harsh, but hopefullly YSWIM.

jollygreenmama Thu 25-Apr-13 18:35:48

This is how I feel about it AnonYonimousBird... I do talk firmly to her after an outburst and DH backs me up. As I've never been here before where do you draw the line at privileges? Is colouring a privilege? She is due to go to dance class tmrw with best friends, I think I should say no...? Are toys privileges? Gardening? If we stay home she can help me with all sorts of jobs, would that be a good start?

jollygreenmama Thu 25-Apr-13 18:44:02

Sorry Anon what does YSWIM mean?

jollygreenmama Thu 25-Apr-13 18:44:19

You'll see what I mean... der!

AnonYonimousBird Thu 25-Apr-13 19:12:52

Well, I'm glad that you and DH are both approaching it the same. Has she ever tried it with him, just out of interest? Are you her only target that you are aware of? I know several children who are utterly horrible in every way to their mum's but to their dad's, their parents friends, their friends and their teachers they are utterly delightful.

I'd withdraw anything that might be seen as a privilege and if that is things she enjoys then yes, maybe, and as she behaves she can slowly but surely get things back. I'd say colouring is one that is given back reasonably quickly, as it is a simple and calming activity she can entertain herself with at home, so it's not realistic to withdraw it for long, but maybe dance class withdrawal (if she loves it) for one week would be a stern test for her.... really hard to know.

Getting her to help with jobs could be good - a way for her to earn things back as well, help with jobs, behave nicely, no hitting then something comes back.

They are all so different, it's so hard to know what might work and what might not, and generally these things are phases. But presumably she starts school in September and hitting is something that needs to be stopped before then!

Good luck, hang in there and remember that the 99.99999999% certainty is that this WILL pass!

jollygreenmama Fri 26-Apr-13 07:33:50

Thanks Anon. She hasn't hit anyone else and is otherwise a charming well behaved girl at all levels, she's thoughtful & kind too so it's been a real shock as I've never had to punish her because she's usually so good ;-)
As you say tis a phase. She has a friend who lashes out so I think she's seeing if it 'works' for her....
This morning we've read, sung and are already colouring. We've talked about what happened and why she can't have any treats this morning. We'll so how we go, other than a few more tears I think she gets it. Here's hoping :-)

Shannaratiger Fri 26-Apr-13 11:47:26

I have just this problem with ds(6). Working with school nurse atm to try and sort it out, not working at the moment though! sad

jollygreenmama Fri 26-Apr-13 12:50:05

Oh dear Shannaratiger ;-( feel for you greatly

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