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Advice please

(4 Posts)
JustMe1975 Tue 16-May-06 22:01:23

I am a single mum of a 7 1/2yr old boy. He is a very articulate and bright little boy, a real gem...well for everybody except me......
He and i have always been just the 2 of us bar 2 yrs of marriage before my husband and i split up. In some ways he seems to think of himself as my partner rather than my son and this is not good as we all know. I have been seeing someone for a while now and he has now moved in with us. My ds gets on wonderfully with him but he still likes to be there all the time. I guess i am as guilty as him with the "us" thing as i always refer to him and I rather than him, my partner and I....i don't mean to do this..its just habit, i guess. My partner is an absoloute gentleman and wnts whats best for my son....he refers to him (in conversation not to him) as "our son/boy" so why do i have such a difficult time in saying these words???? and how can i help my son realise i am allowed a life without him and it doesn't mean mummy loves him any less??????????

sparklemagic Tue 16-May-06 22:33:20

Have you had a conversation with your DS about becoming a family? Or has it just evolved, or been discussed as your DP moving in? He's a bright boy so he will be aware of the big change in his life and of the changes in dynamics that come from another male in the household who mummy loves......Maybe you and DP could start having some chats with him about how his 'family' has changed. Ask him what he feels and thinks about it and really WAIT for his replies.

It might help if you had some sort of occasion, to mark your becoming a family? Maybe a meal out, a visit to the zoo, even a family photo?

Does your DS ever spend time with your DP without you around?

VeniVidiVickiQV Tue 16-May-06 22:41:22

Well, Ive no experience of what you are going through as such. BUT, my DD is very very clingy to her dad. She is 3. If she sees me and DP cuddling/kissing/sitting next to each other she absolutely has to be included and that means coming inbetween the both of us. She tends to be awful with him and pushes her luck with him more than she does with me. (Mind you i dont give in as easily as her dad )

I think what im trying to say is that it seems like normal behaviour. I think as long as you are in a happy, loving environment where he is included then he will get used to it eventually.

JustMe1975 Tue 16-May-06 23:31:13

Hi Sparkle,
my DP and I discussed things with his son and mine. they are both happy for us to live together etc...his son as he has someone else to play with and mine partly for the same reason. My ds's other reason is "I want mummy to be with someone who will look after her" (his words to my dp during a man to man chat they had). My dp doesn't spend time with him without me but thats because i don't let anyone other than my mum have my ds if i am not around...yet i look after DP's son if he is out working with no worries from DP or his ex...maybe i should let the tie go a little bit eh?? lol
The occassion is coming up the 4 of us are off to eurodisney to mark us becoming a family.....I CAN'T WAIT....I FINALLY GET TO MEET MICKEY WAHEYYYYYYYYYY ok soz forgot this trip is meant to be for kids entertainment hee hee not mine xx

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