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Please help me get the baby to sleep without the boob?

(14 Posts)
BelStone Tue 23-Apr-13 21:54:27

My baby is 12 weeks old and in the beginning both my husband and I could settle him at night and get him to sleep but now he refuses to go down until he has boob and is unable to settle now with my husband rocking him to sleep. How can I break the cycle??

JiltedJohnsJulie Tue 23-Apr-13 22:02:43

Think it is usual, around this age they have a growth spurt so his is probably hungry. Think I would take the path of least resistance for now and just feed.

xyla Tue 23-Apr-13 23:10:16

i agree - just because he needs one particular thing to sleep now doesn't mean that he'll need the same in a few days/weeks. give it some time and keep trying. i thought i'd have to rock DS to sleep forever when he was about 6-7 months old, then one day i was too tired and put him down for a second and he fell right asleep. i think it's worth to give them the comfort they need now so that they will feel secure in the future.

JiltedJohnsJulie Tue 23-Apr-13 23:28:50

Completely agree xyla and I think the research backs it up too smile

spekulatius Wed 24-Apr-13 06:14:38

Yes, also agree. I still feed to sleep at 5 months. You could try a dummy if it really bothers you. Might work better with your husband than with you. I would just enjoy unless it becomes not practical like other kids or going back to work.

seeker Wed 24-Apr-13 06:20:57

Just wait a while, belstone- go with the flow at this age. He'll be a different person in a week or so.

TanteRose Wed 24-Apr-13 06:21:48

so he goes to sleep if you feed him?


if it ain't broke, don't need to fix it smile

JiltedJohnsJulie Wed 24-Apr-13 07:48:16

Bel is there a reason you want to get him to sleep without feeding or do you think you just should? Are you following the BW by any chance? smile

BelStone Wed 24-Apr-13 09:25:54

Thanks everyone. JiltedJohnsJulie - I just feel I need to share the evening routine, the way things are mean I can't go out in the evening with or without my husband as I'm the only one that can settle the baby. Equally daytime naps are only achieved by feeding him to sleep which means noone can take him during the day either. Is BW baby whisperer? I bought it yesterday. Do you recommend or not?

estya Wed 24-Apr-13 13:57:39

I don't like the baby whisperer. If your baby doesn't fit her profile, you are a bad parent and making a rod for your own back. We all know that its best for the baby's development and your milk supply to breastfeed on demand but this doesn't fit in with her system. When your baby is having a growth spurt at 4 months, you don't give more breastmilk, you start solids. completely contradicts UK guidelines as well as not giving the baby the best nutrition for their growth spurt.

BW is about making the baby fit the profile rather than meeting their different and varying needs.

so no, I don't recommend it. I thought that a routine was the key to being a good parent for a while with DD but now i know that this is NOT what is meant by babies needing routine. (they mean they need to trust their caregivers, be in familiar places, handled in a predictable way etc)

Babies are meant to feed to sleep. Breast milk has a dozy effect and the sucking is relaxing for them (if you don't want your boob meet this instinct, try a dummy).

No cry sleep solution has a good reputation but i've never needed it because by about 8 months they have started to be able to settle themselves without being taught. also, DH is able to settle.

I do use a sling so on the odd occasion we've gone out and left a little one, they are settled in the sling (which is a familiar and comfy sleeping position for them)

Jakeyblueblue Wed 24-Apr-13 18:25:00

I still feed to sleep at 21 months. Best parenting tool ever created!

JiltedJohnsJulie Wed 24-Apr-13 20:43:48

I'm not a fan of Tracy Hogg either. My Dsil gave it to me to read when I was expecting number 2, once I read a bit I can remember saying to Dh, "ah that's why she gave up bfing so easily". It's also on the kellymom list of books to avoid. You might also want to read this book review.

12 weeks is also a classic time for a growth spurt, could he just be hungry? If not settling with DH is a new thing, it could well be a growth spurt and things are likely to change again in a day or two. Have a read of this on feeding to sleep too. It has some good tips and might help to ease your anxiety over this.

If you do want to go out in the evening, would DS take some ebm or could you take him with you? I used to take my DC out to friends houses when they were that age and just feed and chat with my friends. If he won't take a bottle try one of the alternatives smile

In the day, could you feed him and then get DH or someone to take him out in a sling or pram for an hour or so?

If you do want a book try Baby calming by Caroline Deacon. It is evidence based unlike the BW and it doesn't give you a strict formula that your baby has to fit into and leave you feeling like a failure if your baby doesn't. Instead it explains why your baby is behaving in that way and helps you to come up with a routine that suits you both smile

Keep posting and let us know how you are getting on smile

Smartiepants79 Wed 24-Apr-13 21:02:10

I'm the complete opposite I'm afraid. I like the baby whisperer and so did many of my friends.
I find her pretty flexible, with lots of common sense. All of these books have to be used to suit you and how you are happy parenting.
If you are happy to feed to sleep, that's fine. Don't be put off by others opinions. However if you are NOT happy with it, change it!
I can completely understand why you would like to have a little more freedom OP.
Does he have a bedtime routine?
How many times does he feed in the day/night?
Both my daughters have been almost exclusively BF and I never felt the need to feed on demand after the first month or so.
I am the routine queen. This has led to 2 very contented girls who rarely cry as they are never too tired or hungry or bored etc.
My 18 week old has boob, bath, boob and then goes down in her Moses basket awake. I switch on her dreamsheep (white noise) and she settles off to sleep.
This didn't happen on its own mind you. We spent 2 weeks rocking, shushing etc in her darkened nursery. There was some crying involved but nothing excessive or long lasting. Eventually she learned about when it was sleep time and now she goes down independently and we don't hear from her til feed time at 11 ish.
It does completely depend on what kind of parenting strategies you are comfortable with. Read the baby whisperer and make up your own mind.

JiltedJohnsJulie Thu 25-Apr-13 07:38:48

It's great that you've foundcsomethingvthat works for you but just wanted to add that my babies were in a lovely routine which they found by themselves without any crying. Most babies will find a routine, the thing with the BW is that is wants the baby to fit in with her routines and none of it is evidence based,

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