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Grumpy toddler !!

(13 Posts)
spud28 Tue 23-Apr-13 21:16:44

I'm being to feel like a cr*p mum ! I have a 23 month old DS who goes to nursery 3 days a week the rest of the time he spends it with me, my husband or my mum. I really look foward to a day with him and plan to do things like take him to the park, out for a picnic, shopping out to a group or to see friends, but we can't get through the first 5 mins of the day without a tantrum. Anyone else who looks after him says he doesn't throw himself on the floor, scream and kick off !! I was hoping it was just a phase but I'm sure it's getting worse sad
I want him to enjoy the precious time we have together not get upset, please tell me it gets better !

amazingmumof6 Tue 23-Apr-13 23:44:54

I'd like to know if he's happy at his nursery - he might have a bit of separation anxiety and is "punishing" you for leaving him there!
not that you should feel guilty, but that happens and yes, that is a phase and he'll grow out of it.

or it might just be that he would prefer to stay at home for a change and not go out or see anyone else but you, after all that's what he is missing!

see it from his POV - 3 days out at nursery, rest out with others - maybe it's too stimulating at times!
Would you always want to go out and be busy or do you just occasionally prefer to sit quietly and read a book or potter around casually?
we need rest and so do little children and he might just be resisting a tiring trip, and so throwing a tantrum may just be a self-preserving response.

also do look at any other changes that might make him feel insecure.

what do you think?

(BTW he is certainly not just being naught! give him a hug from me)

amazingmumof6 Tue 23-Apr-13 23:45:45

*naughty

spud28 Wed 24-Apr-13 08:11:00

Thanks for the reply. He loves nursery, he never gets upset when we leave him if anything he gets more upset when we go to take him home.
But I do get what you are saying maybe just some quiet time rather than rushing around and trying to fill his day. He is a very active little boy which is why I try to do lots if things with him but maybe I have it wrong. Don't get me wrong he is very happy and smiles all the time I suppose being a first time mum the tantrums have come as a shock and I hate to see him upset because I'm the mean one that won't let him have 3 bananas a daysmile. He gets lots of love and hugs

awwwwmannnn Wed 24-Apr-13 08:38:33

my DD (2.4) is with a childminder 4 days a weeks and with me and DH the rest of the time. On a Friday when DH is still in work, we go to playgroup in the morning, i've taken her from 6wks old, and she's made some lovely little friends, then after that its purely me and her doing things together.

whether it be chilling out in the house if the weather's miserable, or reading a book or making a mess with playdough, whatever she wants to do really, but its always only me and her. i like this time with her as i feel guilty as hell going to work and leaving her with a childminder, no matter how happy she is or how much she loves it, i still need that time to show her that she's what matters to me grin

it does get easier i promise, and like all of us who are parents we fly by the seat of our pants, do what we think is best and just hope to god we get it right lol

my little one is more likely to tantrum with me than anyone else, its because they trust us and love us and they can do it, on the flipside if DD hurts herself or wants cuddles or anything like that its me she wants generally....so see we're all doing something right, our little babies love us.

don't be so hard on yourself, your DS is finding his feet and pushing boundaries with you and he's doing so because your a great mum flowers xx

amazingmumof6 Wed 24-Apr-13 09:57:55

haha about no 3 bananas! grin

I don't think you have it wrong, you know him very well and of course he needs to run around and be stimulated!

one thing I learnt from Tracy Hogg's books is to always "step back" and just observe the behaviour - I sometimes pretend it is not my child to reduce influence of my enotions on how I see the behaviour and how I react - if that makes sense

my now 9 year old DS2 threw his first full blown tantrum around the age of 2 - he was rolling on the floor howling, screaming, snot bubbling, mouth frothing to my absolute bewilderment!

I had to give him a "cold shower" (lukewarm water) to shock him enough to stop his overreaction - I can't even remember what it was all about, I know it was lunchtime so perhaps I wanted to clean his hands or put him down for a nap or some similarly vile & bossy thing!

he still has tantrums and is bloody stubborn, at times he would rather put his head through a brick wall then do as he is told!

so if he your DS is a strong willed child you better strap yourself in for the rocky ride ahead - he will want to be in control and do what he wants at all costs!
I agree with pp, he is definitely trying to change the dynamic and seeing how far he can push you, what he can get away.

One thing tends to work well is to let them make decisions in small matters such as which top he wants to wear or what he prefers for dinner - but only ever give 2 choices.
this way he will feel a bit more in control and might listen to you better in other things that he can't choose.
you must carry on being firm and try to be patient (soooo hard!), but you've got the loving thing right already, so I'm sure you'll find ways to teach and reassure him at the same time!

spud28 Wed 24-Apr-13 10:58:49

Thank you amazingmumof6

spud28 Wed 24-Apr-13 10:59:42

We are having a lovely day today playing at home in the garden and only 1 banana so far grin

amazingmumof6 Wed 24-Apr-13 20:49:59

I'm glad you had a nice morning, how was the rest of the day? do you feel happier?

scarecrow22 Wed 24-Apr-13 21:03:01

my 2 yo has mini tantrums sometimes. I feel some of those she loses control and us sort if scared herself. While I can be very strict at tines, oddly I occasionally respond to a tantrum with A big beat hug, partly to constrain her, partly to make her feel safe again, and talk to her calmly and affectuonatelt, reassuring her I love her and want to help. At other times I use a system of voicing their annoyance and frustration - eg "ate you cross because mummy wont let you have more banana? Do you want another banana?", and so in - to open communication again so I can reach her.
oddly the tantrums,are far fewer than the mega whines - and a bit if me feels that's,because whining gets my goat soooo much.more, and she senses it.

I too sometimes feel sad and guilty about ny parenting, especially when it happens at the bed of the day, but we all suffer a lot of pointless and undeserved guilt. if you know you love your child and are always trying to learn from and with them, you ate doing all a mummy fan brew thanks x

scarecrow22 Wed 24-Apr-13 21:03:46

big BEAR hug. sorry all typos - rubbish new phone.

spud28 Thu 25-Apr-13 14:57:40

Thank you, I will defiantly try the bear hug !! We had a much better days and stayed at home all day, played play doh, pottered in the garden, sung some songs. Has given me something to think about re how busy our life can sometimes be.
I just really worry as we are starting to think about another child I'm really worried about coping with 2 when I can't deal with 1 !

amazingmumof6 Thu 25-Apr-13 16:21:48

oh don't worry about that, just go for it!

it will be harder in the beginning - I always found the last trimester then the first 6 months the most difficult, but after that things tend to improve.

it is nice to relax, glad you slowed down a bit and he responded to that positively. <polishing halo..> grin

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