Anyone's DC not playing much at all with siblings?(11 Posts)
We're trying to decide whether to go for DC2, and one of the arguments for having siblings is always that they'll have someone to play with and entertain each other. At the moment our DD is very clingy with us and always wants either me or DH to play with her, all day long, so it would certainly be nice for her to have a sibling as another option.
However, my fear is that we'd have another child, and then they don't get on and don't want to play with each other and we're left with two constantly fighting for our attention!
So, does anyone have DC who really don't play much together at all? There would be at least 4 years between the two, which is another worry as they might not have anything in common.
(I should add that I would never have another child just so I can have a break from DD! It's just one of the points I'm considering)
My DD and DS are 3 1/2 years apart and it was a LONG time before they played together at all, although they did eventually get to be friends which has been lovely. Unfortunately, you can't count on them getting along - the best you can hope for is that the older child will tolerate the younger one! Babies are very boring to most 4 year olds and unless your DD is deeply into dollies/mothering etc, she's unlikely to be very pleased with the new baby. If you want a second child, make sure it's for you and DH - it will probably be a while before your DD becomes interested with the new baby. On the plus side, my DS adored his sister from the first and was thrilled whenever she gave him any attention. Hope this helps.
I have 2 DCs, but DD is only 11 months so no where near playing together (although we can manage a little group play)
It may not interest you but these were a few things that we discussed about having another,
-we both wanted another. We wanted DS to have a sibling
-we could afford another.
-having lost my dad in my early 20's, I really appreciate having a sister. We are not very close, but when my mum was in hospital a few years back, it shared the challenges of being there for mum. Also having a sister means I have someone to be nostalgic with.
Now I have 2, I won't lie to you, it can be hard work! But I love doing things as a little family unit. Even when DD was tiny, going to the park with her in a sling while pushing DS on the swings, is such a simple memory that makes me smile!
DS is currently going through a tough phase, but he does love his little sister. I have some great photos of the pair of them laughing together, that bring me such joy.
There is a good book called the second baby survival guide (I think! Gave my copy away recently to a friend). I found it really helpful to give me some idea what to expect and a few ideas.
Hope my mini essay helps!
Thanks both! As suspected I guess I can take the 'entertainment for sibling' point off the list of pros for having a second ;-)
And thanks for the book recommendation, I might see if I can find that in the library.
From personal experience, the bigger the age gap, the less likely they are to play well together.
My 12 year old dd plays well with the 5 year old but my 14 year old dd doesn't, and never really did.
On the other hand the two older girls always played well together and still do hang about together.
We have a 3.5 year gap and our DS has always been very interested in our DD. DD has been an exciting new interest in his life and now she is able to crawl and laugh at him he uses her as an audience to all his daft running around the room and being daft in general. He also chases her and she crawls away as quickly as she can. DD is delighted by any attention DS is willing to give her. I have found having two DC a lot easier than one, DS craves attention and DD gives him all of hers!
We have a 4.5 year gap and DD and DS totally adore each other. She plays with him a lot, always kisses him goodbye rather than me when goes to school etc and he cries when she goes! From our limited experience I'd say it's a lovely age gap as (carefully handled as cake close early on) we never had any jealousy
I looked further ahead than now when looking at having a 2nd child...I looked to the time when DH and I are old...I did not want DD1 to have to put up with two elderly parents and perhaps funeral arrangements alone.
I know it's grim...but it really was a factor.
I have 3 dc (dd1, 12, dd2, 9 and ds, 5)
They all play together, although not often all three together. They play some board games and DS games as a three.
Dd1 and dd2 do things like go round town together to get Christmas presents. They also have great plans (like writing a musical!) that they plan in great detail-doesn't usually get far past the first planning, but they love it.
Dd1 looks after ds. She'll be the one when he's really wanting gentle help he'll go to. She'll play games at his level, or play football (no one except him likes football), read to/with him. He'll go to her for comfort sometimes.
Dd2 and ds do the exciting games. These involve a lot of mess, noise and general chaos. Sometimes does end in an arguement, but there's a lot of laughter and imagination there.
I also found dc2 and dc3 much easier as babies and toddlers because they would watch the older one, and try to do what they were doing.
My dm said the same as Neo-that to make some of the decisions she had to was difficult, but it would have been much harder and more heartbreaking to be doing it on her own. She had 3 siblings-got on best with the one 14 years younger.
Lovely to hear that some siblings with bigger age gaps still do play with each other - all may not be lost on that front then!
I know the 'old age' thing is another common agrument for having siblings, but tbh from my experience I don't think it's that important. Thankfully I haven't lost either of my parents yet, so can't say for certain how I'll feel when the time comes, but I think my DH will probably be a bigger source of comfort/help to me than my brother. (Even though we get on, we don't really see or talk to each other more than once or twice a year and lead very separate lives, so I don't think I'd be turning to him for support.)
Metal, it wasn't so much funerals, but both my parents at different times had to get one or other of their parents into a nursing home, in my df's case he had to take power of attourney too. I'm sure they got emotional support from each other more than the siblings, but it was more that they could take the decision, and it didn't feel as much responsibility on them to decide-particularly for my df who knew his dm was fiercely independant and, if it were not for dementia, would have hated the idea of losing that.
He felt guilt for depriving her of that independence, but the fact he was able to talk it through with his brother and make the decision together as equals, shared that burden. If he'd just been talking through with dm, they may have made the decision together but he'd still have felt it was ultimately his responsibility.
Also you can't guarantee that your dc will have a partner, or even one that will be supportive through such things.
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