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problems at nursery and only three days in help.

(30 Posts)
MrsBucketxx Wed 17-Apr-13 15:46:23

ds has always been extremely head strong, he has never really wanted to join in or do things as a group even from a young age. like a toddler groups with the singing etc he would always wander off and do his own thing.

 I have worked around this and distracted him with other things, if he couldn't do something and dug his heels in I would scoop him up and carry on. taking the wrath of any tantrum and ignoring slaps and other bad behavior and placing him in his naughty step as a last resort. the tantrums are gettimg so bad he makes himself sick too

today at nursery he was particularly defiant, and in wanting to get harry to do something, and he headbutted one of the staff, I am beyond motified  and embarassed. I feel like a really bad parent right now

he has had a nap but he has been particular subdued like he knows how naughty he has been. how can I ensure that he wants to join in an behave especially when I'm not there I'm dreading tomorrow any help would be welcome.

extracrunchy Wed 17-Apr-13 16:12:55

Nothing helpful to say, but sounds like my son (singing groups etc) and I'm worried about him starting nursery, so sending sympathy and hoping for some useful advice!

MrsBucketxx Wed 17-Apr-13 16:39:12

I'm dreading tomorrow sad

Ineedmorepatience Wed 17-Apr-13 18:41:14

How old is he?? 3 days in is very early to be forced to join in with something, maybe he needed more time. There are ways to draw children in to singing/group activities.

MrsBucketxx Wed 17-Apr-13 19:22:41

he is three, he wanted to something else whilst he was meant to be eating lunch, walking off etc, and when he was told no he lashed out.

at hone if he doesn't want to eat I dont make an issue of it. I bet he is feeling really mixed up.

Ineedmorepatience Wed 17-Apr-13 19:49:04

Mealtimes are tricky because the children do need to sit for a short time to eat enough to keep them fueled for the afternoon.

Did the staff tell you how much he had eaten?

I think you might need to set up a meeting and explain to them that he is not used to sitting for meals and then they can work on some kind of motivation for him to encourage him to sit at nursery.

If you start to introduce it at home too he will soon get the idea. Make sure the food is tempting for him toosmile

Massive changes for a little boy, hope he is ok, bless him.

MrsBucketxx Wed 17-Apr-13 19:58:38

he has only eaten there once in a week. its stuff I know he doesn't eat, he is funny with food anyway, he ate healthy meal for tea.

I was forced to eat as a child and I hated it, it just makes food a problem and I dont want that. I need to explain that he has to sit when the others do.

MrsBucketxx Wed 17-Apr-13 20:00:57

he leaves shortly after lunch I think its at 12 and I pick him up at 1.

when I got there he was still all puffy from crying so much sad its makes me feel sick that he could me miserable.

MrsBucketxx Wed 17-Apr-13 20:01:29

be not me.

Ineedmorepatience Wed 17-Apr-13 20:07:15

Ok, so he doesnt need to eat then if he is coming home at 1.

Could you pick him up at 12 for a few weeks while he settles in and then try again with the lunches.

Cravingdairy Wed 17-Apr-13 20:10:34

The staff ought to be trained in exactly these scenarios, they must be relatively common. Have a good talk with them.

MrsBucketxx Wed 17-Apr-13 20:11:25

thats a good idea ill ask I think.

MrsBucketxx Wed 17-Apr-13 20:12:18

I felt horrid, I still do sad

Ineedmorepatience Wed 17-Apr-13 20:15:39

Dont blame yourself, you are obviously a lovely mum or you wouldnt be bothered. Just go in tomorrow and explain that you dont think he is ready to stay for dinners and that he was distressed and that you will try again in a few weeks/months.

Be firm and assertive and remember you are his mum and looking out for his best interests.

Good luck smile

MrsOakenshield Wed 17-Apr-13 20:23:19

I would find out more from the staff. DD isn't a great eater and I don't make her finish if she really doesn't want to, and she often doesn't eat much at nursery (which is fine) but I think expecting the children to sit down and stay sat down, even if they don't eat, is also fine - what I'm saying is I don't think you need to worry about this causing him problems with food - it's about behaviour, not forcing him to eat. (Agree that he can have lunch at home anyway if necessary.)

Talk to them, see what they suggest to help resolve this, and perhaps follow their lead (if you agree with it, of course) at home, so the message is consistent. I know my sister has had this a lot with DN, and good communication with the nursery or pre-school staff is vital.

k2togm1 Wed 17-Apr-13 20:23:40

Don't feel bad, they must deal with worse. Is your ds ok? When you said he wasn't himself I worried head butting had hurt him too?
I fear ds will be the same, he won't follow groups unless they are mobs with sticks grin (he is 2).
Probably joining nursery at an age when you know your own mind is harder than at 6mo, but they'll be also doing stuff he enjoys. Could you be extra attentive and loving? That way he'll know you are on his side, and won't be abandoning him there. Good luck.
If everything else fails, change nursery?

MrsBucketxx Wed 17-Apr-13 20:35:04

I'm going to give him a while to settle, then if he really doesnt like it change then, he didn't hurt himself, just got himself into a state,

they did say when he had calmed down he came over to the lady and said sorry to her.

its the tantrums I have always had issue with and now with them too.

MrsBucketxx Thu 18-Apr-13 07:38:01

its a new day wish me luck eeekkk confused

extracrunchy Thu 18-Apr-13 08:25:27

Good luck!!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Thu 18-Apr-13 08:56:59

How is his language MrsBucket? Can he make his wants known clearly? He's only small and some just take longer to get into the whole "doing as the group does" thing. I would begin practicing sitting down time at home..and maybe have some playdates with friends where you sit them all down for a snack...

MrsBucketxx Thu 18-Apr-13 09:02:07

he can speak, he is pretty articulate, took him a while to get there but its fine. never done the play date thing. maybe I could implement that more

I'm sitting here with knots in my tummy.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Thu 18-Apr-13 09:08:25

Don't worry....they will hopefully work it out since they know he didn't like the routine the first time...they should have some strategies to use...they will have seen it before.

You can always pick him up before lunch for a few weeks too....do you have any friends with small kids to practice with?

MrsBucketxx Thu 18-Apr-13 09:16:14

other than my own no,

I dont live near enough to anyone just to pop round. its not been an issue till now.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Thu 18-Apr-13 12:19:03

Well you can practice yourself maybe...do you sit with him for meals?

MrsBucketxx Thu 18-Apr-13 12:24:54

yes he sits at the table for all his meals, along with all if us.

I pick him up in a bit I'm panicking already sad

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