possibly or not possibly...asd

[babylily]

Hi,
Dd2 is 6 and ayear down the line of potential asd diagnosis...on paper she is a yes, but in person her last psychologist said she presents as ok.
She also pushes her baby brother down stairs, cannot follow any two stage instruction, cannot control her bladder if sheis doing anything else, has no empathy, will hug you so tight it would break your heart, but on the other hand will try and squash tbe baby under a teddy.
All we do is shout, and limit damage while trying not to let anyone else get hurt,
Been in tearssince schoolholidays began.
Our parents believe it is just middle child syndrome.
I have just spent an hour walkingout in the street in tears.
Feel we failed our gkrl.

[NoPartyDay]

Check out 'fedup.com or 'whatsinyourbasket' in case she is less irritable on an additive free diet The wetting pants/irritability can improve
(its crazy how many additives are in bread/biscuits/everything, and some children unfortunately are way better behaved without them)
ASD and many children often improve on a low additive diet-even just by swapping to additive free bread
You haven't failed-she is a work in progress, as we all are!
don't think for a minute there are any perfect children-or parents
Can you be patient with yourself...Do something kind for yourself every day..take your tears as a cue to have more "you time"
If she is not able to empathise just yet, this is really stressful with a baby.
Understandably, you feel frustrated. with encouragement, Im sure she will slowly blossom
If you role model "calm" behaviour, that is very very powerful, much more than yelling, which will come back to bite you! (I know- Ive been there!)

[Ineedmorepatience]

I have a Dd with Asd, in my experience it is really hard to get the proffs to take notice, many of them still think only boys have Asd. At the support group I go to it is pretty much a half and half split.
Dont give up, make lots of notes, video unusual behaviours, keep a diary. You need evidence to show your Dd's issues.

You havent failed you just need to regroup and then start the battle again, if she needs a diagnosis you are the person who will help her to get it.

Stay strong and Good luck

[Kleinzeit]

Just wanted to say, you haven?t failed your DD at all, you are doing your best to get her the right help. With my DS I found the time before diagnosis was the worst. It got better after that because the help started to get put in place (slowly!) and also I knew more about what his problems were so I started to get better ideas about how to manage him.

Limiting damage is good. As NoPartyDay says, modelling calm is good. Instead of shouting at her when your DD does wrong, can you try to reward her whenever she does something good or even just OK? Use whatever counts as a little reward to her ? praise or hugs if she likes them, sweeties, stickers, Tamagotchi time, whatever rocks her boat. If she plays nicely with the baby for five minutes then praise her up like crazy, or reward her, and if it all goes wrong five minutes later then separate them again. Do supervise her closely when she?s around him, same as you would with a toddler, you wouldn?t expect a two year old to be safe round a baby, and in some ways she may be more like a two year old than a six year old. When my DS was six he had the intellect of a nine year old and the social abilities of a two year old (arggh). It doesn?t mean she?s bad or that you?ve failed, she will mature, but later.

And yes, do take care of yourself meanwhile. Give yourself rests and treats whenever you can, you need them and you deserve them