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HV concerned about 17mth DS

(25 Posts)
lindsay321 Thu 11-Apr-13 23:50:07

My HV couldn't have made it more clear that she is worried about DS's development. In all aspects he's fine except speech and some social areas (he is sometimes afraid of toy's with faces).

He Hasn't yet mastered any words but says "daddad" to almost everything.

HV ask was asking about repetitive behaviour and other "abnormalities".

Am I crying hysterically over nothing? Is this normal for his age? Should I watch him closely?

Or does this honestly ring bells?

He's lovely, sociable, smart (too smart!), empathetic (maybe?) and just normal

UnrequitedSkink Fri 12-Apr-13 00:16:25

I don't think that's abnormal! I know a 21 month old who only says dadadada and 'no' and he is a lovely normal child. Quieter than most, but developing quite happily at his own pace! Honestly, bloody HVs put the wind up people - trust your instincts, I'm sure he's fine and will attain more words when he's ready.

Goldmandra Fri 12-Apr-13 00:22:38

Do you think she's concerned about Autism? The questions she is asking might indicate that but you seem to be clear that he isn't displaying those traits.

You might get some more helpful information from this website

Try not to get yourself into too much of a state. Nobody can be sure of anything from such a brief observation of a child. She may just be being very vigilant which can cause some parents unnecessary stress but also can be useful in picking up some children early when intervention can be very effective.

HarrietSchulenberg Fri 12-Apr-13 00:35:01

Although I don't like HV bashing in general, one of mine once told me she was concerned that DS1 wasn't walking and that he wasn't speaking enough recognisable words. He was 17 months. He wasn't walking as he crawled commando-style at very high speed and he was speaking around 3-5 words clearly.

She made me doubt my instincts as a parent that nothing was wrong but a month later he walked and by the time a follow-up visit was organised (with another HV, 6 months later) he opened the door and announced "Hello, Lady, come on in". New HV just smiled and signed him off!

HVs have to be alert to possible problems and make sure that they've addressed them. It doesn't mean that there IS a problem, but the HV has made sure that she's covered herself by flagging up the potential.

Svrider Fri 12-Apr-13 07:50:29

HV shouldn't just raise concerns and then bugger off, leaving mum in tears FFS
OP ring your GP and get an appointment with a paediatrian for a proper assessment
(Not that anything you've put seems unusual tbh)

SwishSwoshSwoosh Fri 12-Apr-13 07:58:30

What I would do is write down everything you remember about this HV visit.

Complain about the HV.

Get a GP appointment ASAP and explain you feel you have to ask for referral now as HV has raised non-specific concerns. I am not saying there is anything wrong but you now need this looked at to allay fears or check it out.

The HV, if they raise concerns, should tell you what to do next. Very bad practice.

babySophieRose Fri 12-Apr-13 10:09:54

You should probably try to encourage him more to walk holding his hands, talk and sing to him? In general boys develop a bit slower than girls, so if your instinct does tell you he is fine, he probably is. I think that mother always could sense if something is wrong with her child. Do not worry for now, try to enjoy time together.

MarcYoniPlaysTheMamba Fri 12-Apr-13 10:13:44

Ds2 didn't say anything other than dada at 17months.

Hes now 18montbs and speaks in sentences...

Norem Fri 12-Apr-13 11:05:41

Hi op my ds did not see a Hv at 17 months if he had she would have seen a crawling non verbal baby smile
He is now 24 months walking, running and chats away.
If you are happy with him, he understands some of what you say and you have no real concerns then please don't worry.
They really all do develop at their own sweet speeds.

Jakeyblueblue Fri 12-Apr-13 21:55:25

So if she's that worried why hasn't she done anything about it other than leave you worried?
I agree with the earlier poster who said it was very bad practice.
I'd go and see the gp and see if they can reassure you.

FannyBazaar Fri 12-Apr-13 22:06:23

My DS wasn't really saying anything at this stage, HV was concerned about him not walking so I laid low for a few weeks until he walked. Referred to SALT at 24 months as still not talking. Had one session of SALT but cancelled follow up as DS had started talking and vocabulary increasing rapidly.

I live in a deprived area where they are much more vigilant at spotting early signs of any problems. This is great when interventions can happen and make a difference. If my DS at 24 months was drinking from a baby bottle, sucking a dummy, sitting in front of the telly and not socialising with other toddlers, they could have helped me with all this and that may have been the end of it. If you are doing everything possible to aid development there may actually be very little they can do at this stage and them mentioning it can be very distressing.

Zipitydooda Fri 12-Apr-13 22:56:05

My HV told me that my DS would most probably be Diabetic and Dyslexic (he was 3 weeks old at the time) her comment has stayed with me since then.

DS is 8 now and a lovely boy who is neither diabetic nor dyslexic!

HV do say some very strange things in my experience. Your DS doesn't sound so unusual, try to trust your own instincts and see all the good things. She appears to be looking for the bad..

dukester Wed 17-Apr-13 13:17:41

Listen I have six children and they all do things at their own pace. But the Hv has to ask these questions to assess the situation and provide a suitable intervention if needed which is part of the national guidelines. I am sure she/ he would feel awful that they have upset you. I know your worried I would be too.Maybe should consider contacting the Hv for a discussion about your concerns and you will be in a better position to ask questions then.

Bibs123 Wed 17-Apr-13 14:01:04

I agree with Dukestar. HV have to react to certain red flags and follow up accordingly. You should go and talk to them about it armed with a list of questions and any concerns you might have. If you can't face that then go and see your GP to see what they say. It is easy to bash HV but they have a duty to intervene if the child is not meeting milestones, even if it does just boil down to all DC developing at different rates. Nobody wants to hear it but it is better to face up to things.

daytoday Wed 17-Apr-13 14:48:08

Oh you poor thing. We worry enough as mothers don't we?

Please do call your HV team and complain. Tell them the truth, as you have expressed it on this thread, that this HV has left you in pieces and completely confused. Ask for another HV appointment and demand someone really experienced to come out and explain any concerns clearly along with what they are going to do about it. I bet you they backtrack and there is nothing to worry about

HV are a really mixed bag. If you get a good one they are worth their weight in gold - but too many seem to not know their arse from their elbow.

At 17 months none of my children could talk. At 2 years only one could talk clearly. Being scared of toys with faces, I've heard of much stranger fears. I know a child who is scared of shoulders! In fact if we started a thread about fears we would probably hear all sorts!

Now, pick your munchkin up and give him a big enormous hug! He is absolutely gorgeous isn't he!

MoelFammau Wed 17-Apr-13 16:56:14

17mo? Bit early to worry, I'd say!

My DD is 2 and can't say much - I think she was saying dadada right up until 20mo. She has hearing loss though.

My DD's consultant (specialist at Yorkhill) said he wasn't fussed about boys speech until they reached 3. With girls he gets worried by 18mo, which is why DD flagged up with hearing trouble earlier.

Have you checked his hearing, by the way?

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Wed 17-Apr-13 21:39:00

It's all very well telling the OP she has nothing to worry about but her HV thinks there IS something.....and rather than give her platitudes, it might be more sensible to ask the OP what social concerns were raised specifically.

OP it IS worrying when someone says that our child may not be developing on schedule but it is important to remember that the HV may be able to offer some help.

Bibs123 Thu 18-Apr-13 08:03:12

Well said Neomaxi!

MiaowTheCat Thu 18-Apr-13 08:34:20

I'd complain about how she's handled it - sick to death of professionals setting the seeds with a nice spot of scaremongering but offering no support or advice about the reasons they're earnestly expressing concern. There's "facing up to things" and then there's stressing someone the fuck out and leaving them there floundering wondering wtf's going wrong with no information or advice on how to proceed with things - too many HVs in particular are quite fond of doing that (there's one in our team I refuse to deal with as she's done it to me previously - I complained about how she'd handled the situation and she avoids me now thank god).

Our GP did it at DD1's 6 week check - looked very concerned that she hadn't started to smile yet and noted it down... DD1 was 7 weeks premature so shouldn't even have been BORN yet - but I still went away in pieces and terrified about what was going "wrong" with my baby. I'm a bit older and a bit more assertive now so I start asking questions - but back then I was a post-natal bag of terrified nerves.

duchesse Thu 18-Apr-13 08:51:29

My DS had precisely 3 words at his 18 month carried out at 20 months. "cat" "daddy" and "lorry". At 22 months he was speaking in sentences. The only thing I've learned over the last 20 years of parenting is that there's nothing linear about children's development- it plateaus then rises sharply in different areas unevenly.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Thu 18-Apr-13 08:54:05

Miow the op does not say how she "handled it" or what back up she offered...what is there in the OP to indicate that the HV didn't offer any support?

dukester Thu 18-Apr-13 22:41:07

But was the Hv rude? Did the op express her upset at the time or was she a little shocked? ( Because I would be)

Op try not to stress the most important thing is to address the concerns you have go talk to the Health Visitors find out what the next steps are in assessing your little ones development and begin to access the service provision in your area. Would probably be a good idea to make a list of questions to ask too. It could be nothing and hopefully it is but you need to act on your concerns . x

MoelFammau Fri 19-Apr-13 00:21:16

My DNephew was assessed by a HV for his 2 year check yesterday and it was pretty horrible. DN knows his numbers up to 10, his alphabet bar a few missed ones, his colours... he can do 6 piece jigsaws. Not saying he's bright but I really don't think he has a problem.

The HV told my DSis that he didn't kick the football so she has concerns about his development. When DSis pointed out that he'd counted his way through building the 10 block tower she was told quite curtly that they don't test for that in 2 year olds so it didn't count.

On the other hand, my own HV is great.

I personally didn't say 'all is well, ignore', btw. I suggested getting a hearing test done and I passed on a bit of developmental info my DD's consultant gave me.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 19-Apr-13 09:09:39

Counting is a skill which is not included because showing excellent counting skills is something which kids with no developmental problems AND those WITH developmental problems can manage. Autistic children can count well....my nephew is Autistic. At two he was on the way towards reading...but he couldn't climb the stairs properly....that's an issue.

MoelFammau Fri 19-Apr-13 22:21:27

Funny you should say that, Neo. I have suspected for a while that DN is autistic... Though he can certainly climb up and down stairs with aplomb.

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